Axe Murderer Update

Oh my, remember the well known South African rugby player who chopped up three men with an axe because he said they raped his daughter and gave her HIV? Hmm, yeah about that, seems his daughter was never raped and doesn’t have HIV. Awkward! Police now believe “The motive is evil-oriented”. Oh well, he’s screwed!

Pam Ayres

Does anyone remember Pam Ayres? I grew up with her poetry and still have her well worn books on my bookshelf. Hilarious Loons, hilarious ….

About That Head In The River

You know what I hate? When you are going for a walk and you see a human head with “curly hair and eyebrows” in the River Witham, only to have the police inform you a little time later it was a friggin rock! I really hate that. Yes, it was in England!

Want sauce with that?

Advise For Today

If your child has just eaten ants, do not, and I repeat, do not feed them ant-killer because you’re concerned about “ants jiggling inside” their tummy.This has been a community service announcement from the Dunedin-based National Poisons Centre.

Primal Instinct

OMG, a top South African rugby player has been arrested for allegedly hacking to death three men who he believed gang raped his daughter, giving her HIV. The man, who has not been named, played for one of the leading teams in Durban. The three men were butchered with an axe, with one being decapitated and his head thrown in a dustbin. When police raided the player’s house they found an axe and bloodied clothing of one of the victims. Sadly the crime rate in South Africa, especially sexual assaults against women, has spiraled out of control forcing many to take action into their own hands. Another tragic tale that will have no winners.

Psst The rugby player is black so police have ruled out a racial motivation for the killings.

Want sauce with that?

Breast Feeding Doll Anyone?

Debate time…Berjuan Toys have just released “Breast Milk Baby” a breast feeding doll for little girls. Bless. The doll comes with a top that the child can wear which has two flower nipples and a sensor that makes sucking sounds. As you would expect the doll has hit the controversy button. Camp A says …  its a normal part of life and teaches the child that breast feeding is a natural and normal way to feed a baby. Camp B ….WTF, this will encourage young girls to get pregnant. Camp C …. why can’t kids just be kids.

Why Is Everyone Reading Bedtime Stories?

Oh for crying out loud you friggin drug dealing crims, how desperate do you have to be to get someone to send you a  children’s coloring books saturated in narcotic drugs to the Cape May County Correctional Center? Hmm,quite. Who knew  Suboxone could be turned into a paste and plonked onto the pages of a kiddies book. Well the correctional officers for starters. The package sent to the inmate was addressed “To Daddy” and featured drawings of Cinderella and Snow White. It fooled no one and now five inmates have new charges on their resumes!

Wikipedia Announces Zsa Zsa Gabor’s Death

Um,  Wikipedia must know something we don’t because they have already announced Zsa Zsa Gabor’s death!

Wiki

Update : The news of her death were greatly exaggerated, Wiki have now removed it. Zsa Zsa still lives . Move on nothing to see here.

Samurai 50

No worries, everything OK!

Want a job as a hero samurai at the Fukushima nuclear power plant? Here’s what you have to do… get up at 6am and chomp down 30 survival crackers and guzzled  180  milliliter pack of vegetable juice before heading to your designated location at the plant. No lunch but if you are lucky you get a bottle of water. At 5pm you go back to your quarters within the nuclear facility to have supper which consists of magic rice and a can of chicken or fish. At 8pm you have a workers meeting to discuss how horrendous the situation really is before finding a spot on a conference room floor or hallway to sleep. Luckily you are supplied with a lead sheets to stop the radiation from seeping up through the floors. Interested? Please address your application c/o Fukushima nuclear power plant, Japan.

Sad Ending For An Innocent Man

OMG, remember Joseph White who was released from prison in 2008 after serving 20 years for a crime he didn’t commit? Well he died this weekend having been crushed by heavy machinery at a coal processing plant. Mr White was set to marry his high school sweetheart and was waiting for his $500,000 wrongful conviction settlement when the accident happened. In 1986 White and five other men were charged with the rape of 68 year old Helen Wilson.  White was the only one to maintain his innocence while the other men pleaded guilty for a reduce sentence. White was released when recent DNA testing found no matches to the six men. RIP Mr White.

Psst For crying out loud why aren’t all prisoners DNA tested?