Exploding Clocks at IKEA

Talk about a big bang theory, someone  planted small explosives in several IKEA alarm clocks in Belgium, Netherlands and French stores AND they all went kaboom simultaneously. The booby trapped alarm clocks had small firework type devices inside them and they all went off during opening time, scaring the crap out of customers and staff.  Sheez, that would be right, they’d have to blow up the only friggin thing that you don’t have to friggin assemble!

Nuns on the Run

Holy crap, two robbers dressed as nuns have successfully held up a bank in Illinois.  The armed robbers were wearing nun masks and habits.Hmm, someone’s been watching the movie “The Town”!

Temple Of The Snake Has A Secret Tunnel

You see that?

Guess what loons? Archaeologists  have discovered a tunnel under the Temple of the Snake in pre-Hispanic city of Teotihuacan near Mexico City. The tunnel is  14m beneath the ground and has been sealed for about 1,800 years. Many are already hinting this could be one of the most important archaeological discoveries of the 21st century.Dear god I wonder what nasties are hiding in that? Did we not learn anything from Tutankhamen?

Psst I bet there is a friggin good reason why they called it Temple of the SNAKE!!!!

Want sauce with that?

Woman Wheels Around Body

Honey,sweetie, darl, pushing a rubbish bin around a California neighborhood with a dismembered body in it is gonna attract attention. Carmen Montenegro was arrested after residents noticed the body parts sticking out of the bin as she wheeled it around the streets. A relative of the woman allegedly told news reporters Montenegro had come to the neighborhood  looking for someone to help dispose of it.  No word on who the victim is.

Psst Might be Bernie!

Bad Blackberry

The worst excuse ever for why an image of your penis appeared on your Twitter account, compliments of Canadian politician George Lepp. Lepp claims his Blackberry accidentally took a photo of his family jewels while it was in his front pocket as he was being pickpocketed. The culprit then posted the image on  Lepp’s campaign Twitter account. Hmm,  are his pockets see through or something?

Psst Hello, you’re a politician, why not deny, deny, deny, it was yours?

Want sauce with that?

Italian Police 1, Snooki 0

Oh my, Florence + Snooki + car = arrest. She’s been Italy all of 4 weeks shooting “Jersey Shore goes Italy” and Snooki has managed to get herself arrested. Bless. Evidently Nicole Polizzi rear ended a police car. No one was injured and “allegedly” alcohol wasn’t involved.

Rapist No More

Attention all rapists, take heed, a woman in Bangladesh cut off a man’s penis after he allegedly attempted to rape her and then went promptly to a police station armed with the appendage as evidence. The woman told police the man, who had been harassing her for months, attacked her while she was sleeping but managed to grab a knife and whoosh, off it fell. The severed penis is being kept at the police station whilst the suspected rapist receives treatment at a hospital. Hmm, I guess he won’t be doing that ever again!