Clutching at Straws

Never trust an ant killer!

In an attempt to come to grips with the Norwegian massacre, some people who knew Anders Behring Breivik are trying to think of clues and hints they may have missed which could have indicated he was a friggin mass murdering psycho. My favorite is compliments of Lina Engelsrud, one of Breivik’s neighbors who told reporters   “He used to spit in the basement and pee in the neighbour’s shed. He took great pleasure in killing ants.”

Psst An ant killer a serial killer does not make!

No Different to Tang!

Suckers!

OK loons, you might want to step away from the 100%  OJ. Seems all that talk about 100% juice isn’t technically true. It’s 100% artifically flavored. Yep, you heard me, artifically flavored. The flavor is derived from “orange essence and oil” which isn’t mentioned in the list of ingredients, which would explain why each brand has such a unique taste.Reason? Once the juice is squeezed out of the fruit, all the oxygen is removed (so it can last a hell of  lot longer) but this process results in the natural flavors disappearing. So they hire fragrance companies to make the oxygen deprived  liquid taste like juice again.

Chewbacca Tries To Apologize

That’s one sorry assed Wookiee and  one mean sonofabitch Ford.

 

Taunting Fail

OK here’s the thing US fugitive, if you are going to taunt police on Facebook make sure they can’t track your IP address, ya fool. Victor Burgos, who is wanted on numerous charges by police, began writing messages on his social networking page taunting authorities with  “Catch me if you can, I’m in Brooklyn,” ….hmm, so they did. Evidently  when they tracked him down he was sitting at his computer with his Facebook page open.

Friggin Reborn Babies

Holy scary crap people, who the hell would even think of owning a reborn baby? I stumbled across these friggin evil man mad monstosities when I read a story about police in England smashing the window of a car, believing a baby had been locked inside, only to discover it was a “reborn baby”. These lifelike little creatures have become popular amongst the friggin insane doll collectors and look identical to real babies. Sleep with one eye open people!

They Weren’t What?

Probably not the words you want to hear, but crash investigators have concluded that the pilots of the doomed Air France which crashed into the Atlantic in 2009 (killing 228 souls) were not trained to handle the jet when it stalled. Well that’s just dandy isn’t it? The report claims “Neither of the pilots formally identified the stall situation” despite the plane started dropping and the friggin  alarm ringing for nearly a minute. Meanwhile in Air France’s camp they are saying fooey, the problem was the stall alarm malfunctioned and that their pilots showed “courage and determination in these extreme conditions,” Tough call but I think I am going for Team – Crash Investigators on this one!

Psst Air France could face manslaughter charges in connection with the crash

Dumbassed Dog

When in doubt, it’s best to fake your death …

Did Police Really Arrest Topiary?

Oh for crying out loud, did they really think it would be that easy? Seems the British police have made a boo-boo blunder, having arrested a troll, instead of Topiary, the infamous LulzSec hacker in what they described as a “pre-planned intelligence-led operation” (LOL!). The police made the announcement yesterday that they had caught one of the brainchild’s behind the worldwide hacking ring on a remote area in Scotland. Sadly for them, they didn’t do their homework because the  real Topiary got dox-ed (identity revealed) months ago and he ain’t British. Seems there has been some bitter feuding between some of the disgruntled hackers which resulted in the top dogs being outed. But  I am so going to watch the movie when it’s made!  So who’s for Team LulzSec or Team Anonymous?

Psst I warned you boys don’t be upsetting the LulzSec! Sleep with one eye open.

Back To The Future

Naomi Jacobs (32) from Manchester toddled off to sleep one night and woke up believing it was 1992 and she was still 15. Doctors say she  suffered from transient global amnesia which is triggered by stress. So you can imagine her shock/horror when a little boy appeared at her bedroom door and called her “mum”. Naomi thought she was was going off to school to sit exams. It has taken three years to slowly piece her life back together, including getting to re-know her 11 year old son.

Psst Hey God, please, if I ever get amnesia  don’t make me wake up in the 80’s , thanks.

I Hope They’re Clean!

The still emotionally upset father of Amy Winehouse, was yesterday seen handing out his daughter’s clothes to fans who were still holding vigils outside her home. Mitch explained to shocked fans that Amy would have wanted them to have her clothes. Hmm, really? He was last seen leaving the house with her ballet pumps in his back pocket. Please, don’t let them be those infamous blood soaked ones!