911 Is Not A Santa Hotline

Hello, Santa please.

Hmm, I know two little snowflakes who might not get a visit from Santa this year. The two tikes, 4 and 6 rang 911 and asked to speak to either the police chief or Santa Claus.  Sadly, they didn’t get their wish but instead they got a nice little visit from a New York policeman, followed by a nice long lecture.

What’s On The Shoplifters List This Christmas

Attention shoplifters, wondering what to steal this Christmas? Worry no longer, here’s this year’s top ten list .

Nikes (the standard classic), expensive perfume (for regifting purposes), Let’s Rock Elmo (absolutely), Ralph Lauren polo shirts (always fashionable), brand deodorant (why?), Gillette Mach 4 (the best a man can be), iphone 4 (duh!), power tools (including electric toothbrushes), Alcohol (whiskey preferred)…. and at number 1…drum roll please…the most common item stolen during the festive season is “luxury meat”  like fillet mignon.

Second Racist Rant

From the same people who bought you the “racist rant on a tram” comes the second installment. Yes indeedy, another woman has also been filmed hurling abuse at passengers, this time on a train in England.

Kidnapper Sues Hostages

Heed this warning, people who get taken as hostages, never, ever make a verbal deal with a murder suspect  even if he offers you lots and lots of money. In 2009 Jared and Lindsay Rowley were lalala-ing in their Kansas home when Jesse Dennis Dimmick burst in  with a knife and begged them to hide him for an unspecific amount of money. Not having much choice they agreed,but the second Dimmick dozed off, they bolted. Fast forward 3 years and the Rowley’s are being sued by Dimmick for $235,000 because they broke their verbal agreement to hide him. Seems he got shot by the SWAT team after the Rowley’s fled and he wants them to foot the medical bills. The Rowleys meanwhile want $75,000 for the emotional stress caused by the fool.

Psst I think this is a case for Judge Judy!!!

2nd Psst Thanks to Susi Spice for the heads up.

Want sauce with that?

AIDS joke fail

OK, here’s the thing lady, don’t jokingly tell the man you just slept with that you have AIDS or he might just go and get his 12 gauge shotgun from the closet and shoot you in the head, making you deaf in one ear. I’m just saying. Lloyd Wilkins has no sense of humor.

Stink Ink

My, that is large!

Oh my, a warning to anyone who allows “artist discretion” when getting a tattoo. Make sure he doesn’t tattoo a big pile of steaming dog poo on your back with flies buzzing around it. I’m just saying! Poor Rossie Brovent from Ohio asked her then tattoo artist boyfriend to tattoo a scene from the Narnia trilogy on her back, unaware that he had discovered she had cheated on him with his best friend. Hmm, now she has a big pile of excrement for her troubles. She is now suing him.

Psst Wasn’t that a scene from Narnia? Hmm, maybe not!

Dr Conrad Murray Get The Maximum

I’m betting Dr Conrad Murray wishes he could take some propofol with him where he’s going. Sheez, 4 years huh? Should have cried more!!!