To All The Aussie Loons

I'll get you my Ruddy and your job too!

Ding Dong the witch is back. I for one am ordering another house….this time double brick!!!!

Psst Fairy Face, what happened? You were suppose to slap her right out of parliament!!!!!!!

If You Are My Son, Who The Hell Did We Bury?

Thought you could hide, huh?

Oo Oh, a mother who identified then buried her son, after his body was found in a nearby town, got the surprise of her life when he was found alive. God knows who is in the grave but it ain’t Jasper Soriano.  Jasper was found by his pissed off wife in another province when rumors circulated that he was still alive. The wife claims she punch and kicked him to make sure he wasn’t a figment of her imagination. Sheez, if he thought that was bad,  wait until he has to go home and face his mother!! Still no word on who they buried!

Farmer 0, Raccoon 1

My job here is done!

Oh dear, Larry Godwin from Iowa didn’t just get shot once trying to shoot a raccoon in a live trap, he got leaded twice. The 68 year old was hit in the lower abdomen by a ricocheting bullet after he attempted to shoot the caged animal , then as luck would have it, as he dropped the 22 – caliber gun it fired again and hit him in the same friggin spot.

Want sauce with that?

Best Excuse Ever

Best excuse ever for why a 13 year old boy stole a AK-47. Hmm, because he was pretty sure his mom wouldn’t buy him one. OK, so how sure are you that your mom will post your bail for grand theft of a firearm, sonny? Evidently the kid swiped  the weapon from house that his mom had worked at as a housekeeper.

Safe Sex On The Red Carpet

Could you, would you, on the red carpet? Hmm, obviously hell yes!  Zac Efron accidentally dropped a gold condom packet from his pocket while he was on the red carpet to promote the latest Dr Seuss animation, The Lorax. Hmm, well, that ain’t half awkward.

Owners Decide To Call Their Pooch Dick

Quite unfortunate!

Thanks Jeff for this 🙂

 

Wo ist die Arbeitslosigkeit Linie

Standby Germany, seems the Greeks are rushing to German language classes in Athens in their droves. Nothing like the fear of your country falling off the Euro perch to get you motivated into a learning a different language. Hmm, might want to order in some extra feta and moussaka.

Body Heat

Guess what? The Worcestershire leisure center’s pool in England will soon be heated with energy from a nearby crematorium. Yep, that’s right, as bodies burn the water will warm. Good to know!!!

Is There Someone Else Lurking in the Background?

As the current Australian Prime Minister (AKA Julia Gillard)  and the ex Foreign Minister (Kevin Rudd)  go for each others throats,  fighting to be top dog, I can’t help but think that the so called “faceless men” are wringing their hands in glee. Is there a third Labor politician lurking in the background, who, as this leadership challenge ends in an absolute bloody mess, will raise his/her hand on Monday morning to take over as Australia’s Prime Minister and send both Rudd and Gillard  to the back benches? Don’t be surprised if Stephen Smith or Bill Shorten (AKA Australia’s Governor General’s son-in law) step up under the ruse they had to do it to “save the Party’s reputation”.

Psst This is turning into an embarrassing farce, if any one of them cared about the people of Australia or their party they would call a new election.

2nd Psst AND stop talking about how you rode Australia out of the Global Financial Crisis. You spent every dime in the coffers and borrowed our children’s future for us to, so call, “survive”.  Now we are paying in taxes. Hmm, let see, how many new taxes have you enforce during your time in power????

Roll up! Roll up!

Presidential McNugget

If anyone’s interested, a Chicken McNugget bearing a striking resemblance to George Washington is up for sale.Hmm, yeah didn’t think so!

Want sauce with that?