Monthly Archives: March 2012

A Man’s Best Friend

Chuck the boxer was a little more than excited when daddy came home from Afghanistan….

Hmm, the cat, not so much!!!

4 Comments

Filed under Friggin Wildlife

Oh No, You’re Not Sleeping In My Bed!!!!

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
A Polar bear.
A polar bear who?
I don’t friggin know but he’s standing right behind you. RUN!!!!
Louis and Damien Reardon woke up to find a 135kg polar bear rummaging through their house in Newfoundland. Evidently the bear had broken down the doors of three other houses before surprising the Reardons. Rangers later shot the rogue polar stone dead ūüė¶

10 Comments

Filed under Friggin Scary, Friggin Wildlife

How The Thief Stole Lorax

Oh no Loons, someone has stolen a 300lb bronze statue of Lorax from the property of the late Dr Seuss. The statue was standing on on the stump of a Truffula tree and we all know what that means, if someone doesn’t have a seed to replace the tree we’re all screwed!!! I bet it was the Grinch because the cat in the hat is too goddam lazy!!!

15 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

Ohio To Disconnect Landline Phones

WTF ...NO CONNECTION!!!!!!

What could possibly go wrong. The state of Ohio is about to pass a bill that could mean the death of their landline phones. Hello, hello, calling Bearman, Bearman can you hear me? Senate Bill 271 would allow telcos to skedaddle from their traditional landline businesses to focus on wireless technology. Hmm, now lets see, most Ohioans have a landline and only 1 in 4 have opted to ditch their landline for cell. Oh and did I happen to mention 911 operators would no longer be about to pinpoint exact addresses if the victim was unable to speak. Oh and don’t get me started on house alarms!!! Good luck with that Ohio. Oh well, at least you can still vote for your fav American Idol contestant…..small mercies!!!

11 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never

Where Does A Woman Pee In The Woods?

Here’s a tip ladies , if you are drunk and lost in the woods, don’t be ringing 911 and asking them where you can take a pee, especially if the cops follow up on the call and find you at home, drunk as a skunk, drinking a beer. That’s an arrest right there. Oh and about that vial of meth residue they found on you, that’s another charge . Sheez, should have just peed anywhere!!!!

7 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Whoops!

Obviously Photoshop Was NOT Used

OMG, Octomom has posed topless. Shoot me now!

I warn you, you can’t unsee this!!!!

20 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

Nespresso Freak

OMG, hands up who has a Nespresso coffee machine? Seriously? It should be a friggin compulsory kitchen appliance, even if mine isn’t technically white or technically in the kitchen. OK, Shoot me that it fits perfectly on my bed side table!!! Hello, coffee lovers you can have your own little Starbucks at home. I’m currently half way through the mother load box, that’s all 16 x10 different varieties of coffee and I have only had it 3 days!!! The clever little dicks at Nespresso have a patent on the capsules so no one can steal their thunder.¬† Best part, you don’t have to friggin clean it. OK, maybe once in awhile but in 80 secs I got myself a latte, cappucino or a flat white for under 75 cents and enough heart palpitations to make the Energizer bunny look like a sloth!!!!

The Mother Load!!! George Clooney would be proud.

10 Comments

Filed under Friggin Awesome

Man Really Gets Stuck in Mud

Is it wrong to laugh?

11 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Whoops!

Insecto Frappe Anyone?

High probability this ain't a cochineal bug but you get my drift!

If you were wondering what makes your Starbucks Strawberry Frappuccino venti, grande or tall a pinky color, wonder no more. That will be from all the crushed bugs they use instead of artificial coloring. That’s right folks, Starbucks are using crushed insects, otherwise known as the cochineal bug, to make those pretty little colored drinks. Bon appetite.

Psst Oh and for your info, cochineal is hell healthier than the artificial crap food companies use. Hmm, here’s a thought , how’s about using real strawberry extract? Just putting it out there, people!

8 Comments

Filed under Friggin Wildlife, I'm Just Saying !

Attention People, Does There Happened To Be A Pilot Onboard?

You know what I hate? When some crazed passenger goes running up and down the aisle of a JetBlue plane screaming “bomb” and “al Qaeda” and you discover it’s the friggin pilot. I really hate that! The co-pilot, god bless him, locked him out of the cockpit leaving the 135 passengers and 5 crew to deal with the psycho. While some whipped out their iphones to record the meltdown, others tried to restrain him, Meanwhile an off duty pilot assisted the co-pilot in landing the plane in Amarillo.

OMG, want to see the pilot being removed from the plane? Hannibal lector didn’t have it so rough!

12 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never