The Worst Possible Inheritance Ever

A seriously unfortunate man in Florida has just inherited … wait for it…. a 13,000 piece clown collection, which includes dolls, puppets, figurines, paintings,costumes and photographs. The collection belonged to his father-in-law  Jack “Clown Jackey” Kline,  who spent over 50 years amassing it. Hmm, I have just one thing to say, sleep with one eye open!!!

Tectonic Plate is Breaking Up

No need to panic just quite yet but remember that 8.7 earthquake in Indonesia in April? Hmm, yeah well, evidently it was so friggin enormous it’s  gone and ruptured four faults in the heart of the Indo-Australian plate. Bottom line, there’s probably gonna a be a whole lot more shaking going on down under and I’m not talking in a good way!!!! Damn you Mayans!!!

Want sauce with that?

Iran Fooled by The Onion

Oh dear, seems even Iranians can be fooled by The Onion (a bunch of satirical writers) . Iran’s News Agency reprinted a story that claimed a recent Gallup Poll revealed 77% of white rural voters would rather sit down and have a beer with Imadinnerjacket than Obama. It also claimed that 60% of rural whites respected the Iranian leader because he “doesn’t try to hide the fact that he’s Muslim,”. Of course none of this is true as we all know rural white would prefer drinking bourbon.

Here’s an example of The Onion

 

That’s Gotta Hurt

OK, here’s the thing 14 year old boy from Connecticut , if you remove the brakes from your bike and ride it, inevitably it’s going to end in disaster. In this case (within minutes) straight through a stop sign and smack bang into a car. Should have been wearing a helmet kid!  Hmm, natural selection!!!!

Want sauce with that?

You Sexted Your Entire Address Book?

A word of warning to those of you who like sexting. Be very careful not to fat finger it to everyone in your phone address book, because that’s a jailing right there. A swimming coach in the UK found himself facing 18 months jail after he inadvertently sent a message, intended for his girlfriend (asking for sex “skin on skin”), to everyone on his Blackberry smartphone including family, friends and two girls aged 13 and 14. The fact he sent the message to two minors saw him face court, as it wasn’t clear who the message was intended for. Luckily for him he was granted an appeal and the judge suspended his sentence .

Sure It’s A Love Seat But That Is Taking It Literally

Egads, a man in Wisconsin has been arrested for having sex with an abandoned yellow sofa in a street. An off duty cop saw the man in full view with his pants down near his ankles humping the couch. The unfortunate dude now faces 9 months in jail and a $5,000 fine.

Psst Maybe it had a pair of nice cushions?

2nd Psst Word must be spreading Bearman because when Craig Berry sent me the story he added this little side note “Wisconsin is only a couple states away from Ohio, hmmmm.”

Damn You Reporter

I know how it feels!!!!

Remember that Renoir painting bought at a Virginian flea market by a woman for $7 that was going up for auction? Hmm, well about that. Seems some nosy reporter from The Washington Post did some Sherlocking and discovered it had been stolen from a Baltimore museum over 60 years ago, so now the auction is a no go . Bummer, I hope she gets her 7 bucks back.

Mayor of Awesome

So you are a mayor in Sweden and you have $91,584 of taxpayers money to spend, what do you do? Well, you get an artist to paint a mural of you dressed as a Roman legionary that’s what! Now, now, to be fair  mayor Lars Ahlkvist also included  a local financier and his partner in the painting. The financier was depicted as Sweden’s King Karl XI and his squeeze a noble lady. Now, that is an awesome waste of taxpayers money. If I had a bucket load of taxpayers money to waste spend on public art I think I would create an enormous bronze pigeon with a public toilet on top so we could all poop on it!!!

Hi Mom, Can I Ask A Favor?

Ewh, a woman in the US has survived a life threatening bacterial infection in her colon by having a poo transplant. Yep, the woman’s mom provided the feces that was transplanted by colonoscopy into her colon. I’m guessing they won’t be bringing that up at dinner parties!

Want source with that?

 

Drug Smugglers Use Hair Extensions

Yes officer?

Attention drug smugglers, hair extensions and wigs maybe the new cocaine smuggling tool of choice but seriously, you have got to get those bulges sorted. Just ask the two women caught at New York Airport with over 35 ounces each concealed on their scalps under their dos. It was their unsightly bulges that gave them away.