Harry Styles Gets A Shoe To The Balls

Taylor Swift seen exiting the building real fast….

What’s In Store For The Retired Pope

Hey psst, new pope, are you awake?

This is how retirement will roll for the second ex-pope ever. Benedict’s “fisherman’s ring”, which contains the formal seal, will be destroyed, he’ll get to keep his name Benedict XVI but have to use a new  title  “pope emeritus”, all the gaudy clothing will be replaced with an understated white cassock and his famous red shoes will be replaced with some stylish brown ones from Mexico. Hmm, ain’t that the case of the ironic twist …”understated” white smock with “stylish” shoes. His new hiding place pad will be the former nunnery inside the Vatican walls just a few hundred yards from where the new pope will be sleeping.  All together now, the new pope might want to ….. sleep with one eye open.

Parole Denied

OK, here’s the thing mister. There is no hope in hell of getting parole after you sent a letter to a judge threatening to cook and eat his kids. Just saying. Hello, you also wrote that you wanted to cook the children first to make them “more palatable”. Good grief, you really didn’t think this through.

Want sauce with that?

Why Walk When You Can Steal a Bus?

OK here’s the thing Georgia teen who was just released from jail. Stealing a school bus to get home because you were too lazy tired to walk home is gonna get you right back to where you started … jail. Just saying.

Want sauce with that?

Pot Calling The Kettle

A burglar who got sprung by an armed homeowner rang 911 requesting help . LOL. The judge must have taken pity because he got 7 years probation and 200 hours of community service for his trouble.

Punisher Shows No Mercy To Russian Drivers

Meet the “Punisher”, a Russian bus driver who rams anyone who cuts in front of him. Alexei Volkov has been posting his efforts online since 2007 and has now become a folk hero. Even the police and judges are on his side. He’s rammed over a 100 drivers and still hasn’t lost a court case or his license. Volkov set up his dashcam video because he believed some drivers were deliberately cutting in and braking to claim insurance. The dude’s a legend.

Student Impaled On Bike Seat

Look away bike riders this might make you wince. A Chinese student, who was merrily riding along to school, accidentally fell … but here’s where it all went terribly wrong…. when he fell the seat bent back and a steel rod under the seat went straight up his butt. Onlookers were horrified as the rod was unable to be dislodged. Enter firefighters who had to use the jaws of life to cut away the main part of the bicycle from his rear end so he could fit in the ambulance. Doctors were eventually able to remove the seat from his rectum but said “It damn near killed him!”

Not In The IKEA Meatballs!!!!

We don’t care

IKEA’s Swedish meatballs have been removed from stores in 20 countries because they suspect they contain horse meat .

Psst I suggest you assemble your own meatballs in future.

God Bless You

A big shout out to British vicar, Reverand Bob Mason, who used Facebook to get 200 strangers to attend a Royal Marine veteran’s funeral because he feared no one would turn up. James McConnell passed away at a nursing home last month but had no living relatives to attend his funeral so the reverand used Facebook to contact members of the Royal Marines and anyone else who wanted to attend. More than 200 people turned up, many of who were marines. One veteran told a BBC reporter “We’re family, we’re all family,”

I’m Just Waiting For A Mate

This Australia mammal is known as dumbassapien. They can usually be found in a Holden commodorus, or sleeping under a tree. They have a liking for alcoholic brews and chiko rolls. If you happen to come across one, it is better not to provoke them as they are not very bright.