Monthly Archives: February 2014
Attention Loons, as of tomorrow I will be broadcasting from Hong Kong. Yes, the Loon is going to the orient. Oh, come on, stop the moaning, its for work. No really. 😉
Stack hats at the ready Loons, a defunct Russian satellite is going to be crashing to earth today and experts haven’t a clue where it is going to kaboom.The Russians have released the standard pre crash warning blah blahs about the unlikely chance of getting hit by space junk fragments because most of the planet is covered in water. Just let it be known the Loon warned you.
Move over library Nazis we have a new winner. A woman from South Carolina, who failed to return a video she rented in 2005, was plonked in jail overnight for failure to return it and was released on a $2220 bond. The JLo vid, Monster-In-Law, has been AWOL for 8 years but police have never given up the pursuit, despite the video company no longer existing.
A gay art student is planning to lose his virginity in front of 100 people at a London Gallery as part of his exhibit entitled ‘Art School Stole My Virginity’ . Oooh but wait, there is more, following the sex he plans to have a Q&A session. The art student and his anonymous partner will have protected sex of course but he has yet to tell his parents about his plans. Clayton Pettet said ‘The key thing about performance art is that it should only be performed once, and this is the ultimate once-in-a-lifetime performance.’ Hmm, a 100 people you say?
Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oi, Oi. An Aussie guy cranked up a stolen chainsaw and whacked a flower pot on his head before robbing a 7-Eleven store in Queensland. Unfortunately the buzzing saw wasn’t enough to convince the store employees to hand over money so the dude mooned them and cut up a few display racks before fleeing with a bottle of soda. The police later found him walking down the street.
Ever heard of winter vomiting disease? Me neither but evidently chomping on a pizza may just prevent it. Seems Carvacrol, that can be found in oregano oil, can halt the spread of the norovirus. OK whoops, no, sorry, eating copious amounts of pizza won’t stop you from upchucking and getting the squirts because carvacrol only works when used as a sanitizer and I can’t see anyone ordering that on a pizza. As you were, nothing to see here.
You know what I hate? When you discover your Canadian insurance doesn’t cover the costs of being attacked by a polar bear. Hmm, should have checked the fine print before walking home from a Halloween party in Manitoba. The woman was minding her own beeswax when the angry beast jumped out from nowhere tore off a chuck of her scalp, severed three arteries and took part of her ear. To add salt to the injury her insurance company won’t cover the cost of her emergency transportation, a whopping $13,000.
Hmm, I better check to see if mine covers being attacked by wombats, wallabies or Great Whites …just saying.