Walrusize Anyone?

See, I would do exercises if I could do it with a walrus. Ah, who am I kidding, I AM the walrus…. kookookachoo.

Do It Yourself Pain Management

What do you do when doctors won’t fix your sore hand? Build yourself a backyard guillotine and chop it off that’s what. A British guy who had the most friggin intolerable nerve pain for 16 years decided to fix the problem by chopping his hand off after doctors failed to do it. Unfortunately the home made chopping device didn’t cut so cleanly and he had to hack the rest off with a knife. To guarantee the doctors wouldn’t stitch his hand back he built a bonfire and threw it in. After recovering in hospital he discovered, much to his torment, the pain was still there. Bummer. He is now threatening to chop the arm off at the elbow if they can’t find the cause. No Loons, he has been psychologically tested and he isn’t imagining the pain.

Is It Me?

Is it me or are the new WordPress smiley faces creepy? 

Holy Olive Oil

If there ever was a law suit waiting to happen.An Auckland evangelical church is offering a cure all oil to its followers. The church claims the magical oil can cure schizoprenia, tumours, strokes and marriage problems (to name a few). What is the magic potion you ask? Hmm, it is none other than olive oil… but wait… the oil has been blessed at the sites of biblical miracles in Israel which makes it special.In their newslatter they say “The Holy Oil was chosen by God as an instrument of faith to heal the sick …If you have faith and use the oil in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, God will bless you,” Good luck with that.

Psst Do you cook with it or rub it on? Confused.

Want sauce with that?

Public Art Fail

During one of my recent expeditions I stumbled across this mess. The only way you can view the sculpture is from this angle. Now either they put the electric pole  up after it was erected or it was a friggin very bad choice of locations. The sound you hear is my palm hitting my forehead …. friggin Perth.

Just Saying

You Dirty Rat

A friggin one metre rat has been caught in Sweden but not before it moved in and terrorized the hell out of a family. The damn thing tunnelled its way into the family’s home and then made a nest behind their dishwasher. The beast then proceeded to torment the family cat and dig through the water pipes. Enter an exterminator ,who, using an uber industrial trap, killed the bugger. According to experts this rat was a bub, compared to what is living in garbage around the country. Sleep with one eye open people.

I Believe I Can Fly Fail

OK, I admit I stole this from George Ford but who wouldn’t ?

Anyone Care To Consciously Uncouple?

Seems Gwyneth split from hubby Chris Martin has caused a stir. No loons, no one cares about her or her marriage, what everyone is LOLing about is her choice of words to announce to the world that she and hubby no longer can stand the sight of each other …welcome to the world of “consciously uncoupling”. Yep, when she announced her split instead of saying “divorce”or “separation”  the ever attention seeking Gwyneth just took it that little too far by declaring they had consciously uncoupled. Well didn’t that just add a flame to the Twitterverse. Want a laugh go check out #consciouslyuncouple   . My favourite tweets so far are

I would probably consciously uncouple too if the only thing I ever ate was lemon water and vegan mayonnaise.

I’d like to Consciously Uncouple with all the Costco brand bras I’ve had in my drawer since high school

I dare say, ole chap, I should jolly well like to consciously uncouple with this guttersnipe of a glacier!” the Titanic

I need to consciously uncouple from the Ferrero Rocher fruit bowl situation before I turn into a pig

Anyone care to add?

Massachu-sex

NO, stop that right now!!!

If you are contemplating a divorce in Massachusetts just remember you can’t have sex with your spouse until all the paperwork is finalized. Hmm, well that is what a new bill is proposing. Hmm, so there goes the make up sex then! I sense some eye rolling Loons, well here it is …

Bill 787:

“In divorce, separation, or 209A proceedings involving children and a marital home, the party remaining in the home shall not conduct a dating or sexual relationship within the home until a divorce is final and all financial and custody issues are resolved, unless the express permission is granted by the courts.”

OMG, you need sex permission from the courts…. now thats just awkward.

PSST I wonder what the punishment is? Come on Loons I am sure you can think of some.