Dumbass Penguin

Jump you fool, jump!!!!

Best Ice Bucket Challenge Reaction

Joan Rivers Critical

Comedian Joan Rivers is in a critical condition after she stopped breathing during surgery on her vocal chords . When doctors realised  the 81 year was not breathing they called an ambulance and she was rushed to a New York hospital where she remains in a critical condition.

Ice Bucket Challenge

Let It Be

Remember David Mark Chapman, the dude who murdered John Lennon in cold blood? Well, he fronted the parole board for the 9th time this week to plead his case for release. He told them he was “sorry for being such as idiot”. OK yeah, whatever, parole denied. Prison Fields Forever.

How do you know your girlfriend is needy?

Hmm try, when you have to fake your own kidnapping to have a night out with the boys. Just ask the dude in England who rang his girlfriend and told her he was being held for ransom in a house in Bolton so he could continue to party with his mates. Distraught girlfriend then rings police, who then go looking for the fool. The cops eventually found him at 1.30am partying away. That’s a fine for wasting the police’s time right there…hmm and probably a week on the couch.

May The Alaskan Police Force Be With You

Oh dear, police don’t get out much in Alaska. They called the bomb squad after a resident discovered a strange object along the side of the road. A member of the force with formal Explosive Ordnance Disposal training was dispatched and he was able to identify the object as a plastic Star Wars toy …a light saber to be exact. As if a Jedi would be in Alaska!

Upsitting Citizens

Oh wait, what? A passenger who used a ‘knee defender’ device that stops airplane seats from reclining onto your knees has been arrested. Seriously, he should get a medal. Seems the woman in the seat in front cracked the sads after she discovered her seat wouldn’t recline and let the fur fly. She summonded the flight attendant who asked the man to remove the device and he refused so the woman threw water over him, resulting in the plane making an emergency landing and the two being thrown off . No charges were laid, but they are now cooling it off in Chicago, a long, long way  from their destination. Still no word on the whereabouts of ‘knee defender’.

Psst Evidently, all major US airlines have banned devices that stop seats from reclining….bastards!!!

Snakes Alive

You know what I hate? When you chop the head off a cobra to make soup and about half an hour later when you are taking the garbage out the bodiless snake bites you and you die. I really friggin hate that! A chef in China died after the head of a snake bit him while he was  carrying it out in the rubbish.

Fart Leads To Fight

A drunk 64 year old man sees a 33 year old woman asleep on her couch so he enters her home and lets one rip right in her face. That’s a beating mister. Both were later issued citations for fighting.

Want sauce with that?