Monthly Archives: July 2016

News Reporter Fails

It’s the end of the week so I am guessing everyone needs a few LOLs.

 

4 Comments

Filed under Whoops!

When the Tooth Fairy Goes Postal

A kid from Philly got a nasty letter from the “The Offices of Tooth and Fairy, LLC — Tooth Adjusters,” re- payment of fourth molar.
Here it is in full.

“Dear Elliott,

Thank you for the return of your fourth molar. Here is payment upon receipt, the agreed-upon sum of $5.00 (five American dollars).

By leaving your tooth out for one of our Tooth Adjusters, you, the toothee, have entered into a contractual obligation to perform measured work, herein known as Chores. Please see the attached addendum for an updated list of these chores.

We have been notified by your Parental units that these obligations have frequently gone uncompleted, and often have to be requested multiple times before they are, in fact, done. If these obligations are not fully completed, without demand, in the specified time frame (every day after school or camp), we will have no recourse but to repossess all of your remaining teeth, by force if necessary, with no repayment to you.

The most comfortable solution for all three parties involved (Tooth Adjusters, Toothee, and Parental Units) is for you, the toothee, to do your Chores as expected, on time, every day. Do not make us come and take your teeth.

Warm regards,

The Offices of Tooth and Fairy, LLC — Tooth Adjusters”

4 Comments

Filed under Friggin Awesome, Friggin Hilarious

Nothing To Gain

riceHeavens to Murgatroyd. A British man was fined for carrying a heavy load. Seems he got overly zealous at a rice sale at a local shop and filled his car with 2,000 pounds (800kg) of grain. That would be 40 bags of 20kg rice. Hmm, the $400 fine would make that some very expensive rice.

1 Comment

Filed under Friggin Dumbass, Sore Loser, Thanks For Nothing

We Have Your Mother-inLaw

Formula One chief Bernie Ecclestone has an enormous problem. Seems his mother-in-law has been kidnapped in Brazil. Aparecida Schunck is the 67 year old mother of the 85 year old’s third wife. The Brazilian kidnappers are demanding $49 million for her safe return. OK, she isn’t Lindburgh’s baby but what a situation for Bernie.

3 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World

Carpool Lane Fail

carpool failOK, one more time loons, if you are going to try and sneak into the carpool lane put some effort into your fake passenger for goodness sakes. A 61 year old woman got busted after a cop couldn’t help but notice her poorly constructed occupant. A pillow in a jacket and cap just doesn’t cut it, even of you put a briefcase on its lap. Oh and make sure your car is registered…sheez, bummer.

2 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Whoops!

Bad Mannered Raccoon

I swear the cat was behind this …

1 Comment

Filed under Friggin Wildlife

Can’t Cough That One Out

Ewwwwww gross

Ewwwwww gross

Ever wondered how a woman could get a 2 inch furball in her vagina? Me neither. However, it happened. A woman, who let her two kitties sleep in her bed, began complaining of severe stomach aches. Off she toddled to the gyno who on further inspection discovered a furball entangled in her IUD contraceptive coil. Go on, permission to gag. Evidently, neither her partner or herself slept in underwear and well, during sex cat hairs become attached to boyfriend’s penis…you can figure out the rest. I am guessing poor Cricket and Donut no longer snuggle up in bed with them.

1 Comment

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross