Monthly Archives: August 2016

Gold To The US

Move on folks, nothing to see here. When two reports that gunfire had been heard coming from JFK airport, all hell broke loose. Flights were diverted, people evacuated, police called in. After hours of confusion, trying to locate a gunman it was concluded that the sounds heard were not gun shots but a noisy assed crowd watching the Olympics on TV. AWKS.

1 Comment

Filed under Whoops!

The Fijian Rugby Players Are Pure Legend

fiji playersA few months back I wrote about how the Fijian Rugby team helped the flight attendants serve meals on a plane during a medical emergency, well loons, today they won gold at the Rio Olympics. It was  in fact the first ever Olympic medal for this tiny little nation. However, it wasn’t just the win that has brought them so much respect and admiration but how they accepted their triumph . Each and every player knelt before Princess Anne as they received their medals and clapped three times, which  is traditionally performed during a Fijian Kava ceremony, signifying the bringing together of two families.  Fiji should be so proud of the 12 men who have shone a glowing light on their island. Well done.

3 Comments

Filed under Friggin Awesome

Holy Pyongyang

kim-jong-unNot sure if this is just a Kim Jong Um rumour but news is North Korean workers are being given crystal Meth to speed up production on major construction projects. It kind of makes sense that the barely feed population would need powerful stimulants just to function, but construction? What could possibly go wrong?

Leave a comment

Filed under Well I Never

Move Over Judge Judy

judge 2You know a crim has got up the nose of a judge when she calls him “a c**t ”. Yep, the racist thug started his tirade from the docks by calling Judge Lynch “a bit of a c**t” so she retorted with “You are a bit of a c**t  yourself”. He then yelled back “Go f**k yourself.” Her response? “You too,”. Priceless.

1 Comment

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World

Lost In Translation

asian-frownWhen a Chinese tourist in Germany had his wallet stolen he toddled off to report the incident to police. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the police he found but someone who handed him an asylum application. This set the wheels in motion. He was sent to northwestern Germany and placed in a refugee home. The poor bastard just wanted to have a holiday in Germany, France and Italy but instead sat bewildered in the refugee home for 12 days until he was given access to a translation app.

1 Comment

Filed under Whoops!

Pokemon Go….Get!!!

Authorities want the nuclear waste from Asse removed to new location

Is that a Pikachu?

Iran seems the only sensible country when it comes to Pokemon Go. Banned. No one likes crowds hanging around secret nuclear sites I say.

1 Comment

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

Awks

Unfortunate really for German Olympic team.

image

2 Comments

Filed under Friggin Hilarious

Sometimes Love Just Isn’t Enough

Honey, sweetie, darl, I hate to break it to you but she is NEVER coming. A love struck Dutchman had to be taken from the airport to a Chinese hospital suffering exhaustion after he waited 10 days in the airport lounge for his online girlfriend to rock up. Evidently she was a no-show because she thought he was joking. Anywho, it was always going to end badly, she wasn’t even there, she was away getting plastic surgery.

4 Comments

Filed under Whoops!, You Go Girl!

Incoming!!!!!

As if we haven’t got enough things to worry about, NASA are now scratching their collective heads about an astroid that could kaboom us all. The rock in question is about 500m in diameter and is spinning through orbit at an alarming 101,000 km per hour. Hard hat sales are going to go through the roof. My greatest fear however, is that in a few million years another species of beings will be talking about this “amazing” civilisation that had once roamed the Earth. This civilisation was so advanced they had little devices that could locate and catch creatures known as Pokemons.

2 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never