Move over Superman, there is a new superhero in Australia. Faster than a speeding car, more powerful than a full strength, able to leap tall curbs in a single bound…it’s Demerit Man. Disguised as the mild mannered bogan of Tamworth, the dude wearing a VB beer carton on his head, covers the speed camera with a tea towel, saving the unsuspecting motorists from a certain fine. Well done Demerit Man. Thank you for using your amazing powers in a never ending battle for truth and justice.
Put your spoons down loons and walk away from your Cornflakes…NOW. Apparently the crunchy little flakes were created by Mr Kellogg to stop masturbation. I know , right! It was marketed as “healthy, ready-to-eat anti-masturbatory morning meal”. Mr Kellogg, who was a Seventh-day Adventist believed that sex damaged the mind and soul, thus poor Mrs Kellogg was exiled to a separate bedroom. I bet she became one Frosted Flake. They never consummated their marriage, choosing to adopt their children. Hmm, sounds like a Cocoa Puff.
He even wrote in one of his books that masturbation caused mood swings, bad posture, acne, epilepsy, palpitations and a fondness for spicy food. OK, boom, there it is…Fruit Loop.
Stop worrying emoji users the lobster has been corrected. Yes, the right number of legs have now been added….sheez, tough crowd.
PSST: Still no cure for cancer!
Conspiracy Theorists don your deerstalkers we have a mystery. Seems there is a Boeing 737 plane sitting in a gated and guarded property on the Bukit Penisula in Bali, Indonesia. No one seems to know how it got there or even when. It is in a little quarry just minding its own beeswax. Thought loons?
Cape Town is about to face the worst natural disaster in their history. In a hundred days the modern African city will have no water. Zip, zero, nada. A drought has all but dwindled the city’s water supply. The reservoir that supplies two thirds of water to its 4 million residents is nearly dry as a bone. Within a few weeks the water levels will be so low the water will not be able to flow through the pipes. If “Day Zero” arrives all taps will be turned off. It is a scary thought. Without water it is feared there will be pure mayhem as people fight for what little water is left. Businesses relying on water have already began laying off people. This is going to be one hell of a nightmare domino effect.
How could this happen? Ask their so-called government. Mis-management and the usual political denial has lead a modern city to the brink.
LETS BLESS THE RAINS DOWN IN AFRICA – TOTO
Grab your tin foil hats and sit down while I tell you about the future. Apparently a time traveller has come back to warn us. Introducing Noah, who believes he is from 2030. In fact he has taken a lie dectector test to prove he is telling the truth. Insert an eye roll anywhere you like. He said he snuck back in time to warn us. OK, 12 years into the future isn’t a biggie but each to their own. Here’s the low down on what the future holds. Trump will win a second term, Google Glass robots will run the place and we will get to Mars by 2028. Still no cure for cancer!
PSST Here’s the video of him if you are interested….
When British dude Duncan saw tickets to the Red Hot Chilli Peppers going cheap he thought it would be a great Valentine’s Day pressie for his girlfriend. He bought the $53 tickets and even plane tickets to Belfast for the romantic gesture. Imagine the couple’s surprise when they were seated at the Red Hot Chill PIPERS concert. A bagpipe cover band…woohoo….is there even such a thing? Apparently there is!!!
One minute you are friggin awesome the next minute you are a work in progress. Yesterday the world was abuzz with the news of Elon Musk’s Space X launch. Yay Elon. Now it seems its orbit will be the asteroid belt and not Mars. The little convertible car shot into space has overshot its target and now it faces a grim future. If it survives being pummeled by flying rocks it will likely disintegrate from harsh radiation and cosmic rays. Sheez, I hope those aliens aren’t watching, this is so awks.
PSST – They are broadcasting live from the little red car with a Stig lookalike dummy. Here is hoping we see it get hit by an asteroid.
I don’t know who came up with this idea but pure evil genius. A sneaky little LED light effect makes it look like the walkway is cracking beneath the feet of unsuspecting Chinese tourists.
OK frequent plane travellers, here’s a heads up on when you are most likely to end up on Air Crash Investigation. Apparently the most vulnerable time for a plane to crash is during final descent and landing. So says Boeing. But you know what? Most of the plane crashes I have read about kaboom in mid flight, suddenly, without warning usually during an inflight movie or as the food trolley is heading down the aisle. This loon hates flying, despite doing it often. I not only check where all the exits are, but analyse the passengers to work out who I can outrun. Just saying.