Monthly Archives: May 2018

Snakes Alive

My greatest fear is that at some point wildlife will realise that if they join forces and attacked us collectively, we are screwed. Given that, a woman in India was bitten by some mean-ass snake in the middle of the night, while she was sleeping. When she woke up she began breastfeeding her baby before both became decidedly ill. Sadly they both died en route to the hospital. It is believed that the mother passed the poisonous venom through to her child via the breast milk. The family told authorities that they had seen the snake in the house but they didn’t manage to catch it.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Wildlife

Grateful?

OK loons, you know how I hate clowns and dolls and anything that could attack me in the middle of the night…well.Seems there is a new menace on the block that may keep us sleeping with one eye open at night…imaginary friends. Apparently, children have the ability to see things we don’t. Meet Ruby and her imaginary friend and see if you wouldn’t be Googling, local exorcist.

 

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary

Tourist Hotspot

OK, putting the Royal Wedding aside for one moment, anyone watching the fireworks over in Hawaii? Volcano Kilauea has just spewed ash and red hot nasty stuff from its summit. Run people, run! Officials have been seen throwing breathing masks to locals so they don’t inhale the potentially deadly ash. Sheez, if the fissures don’t get melt your sandals,  the mighty big eruption might. It is expected to throw refrigerator-sized boulders into the air. Mother nature isn’t happy.

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Filed under Friggin Scary

Royal Wedding Countdown

Like the good loon I have been steering myself clear of writing about the upcoming nuptials of Prince Harry and the TV actress. BUT, in light of her daddy having the paparazzi follow him around Mexico to take the worst staged shots I have ever seen, I can’t help myself any longer. Are you really sure Harry?REALLY?  You have a few days to make a run for it. I’m not sure you really want to add this branch to your family tree. Daddy has now bailed, brother is persona non grata, her ex-besties haven’t got a nice word, her mum is hiding in the shadows and well, it all seems like a mess. To top it all off, the relis who haven’t been invited have hopped over the Atlantic to be guest commentators on various tv networks. Move over Geordie Shore, the Markles are in town.

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Filed under Friggin Hilarious, They Live Among Us !

14th Foot Washes Up in Sneaker

Yes, its true yet another severed foot in a sneaker has washed up on a Canadian strip of beach. Despite  14 feet washing up in the same area since 2007, the Canadian coroners keep saying,  move on,  nothing to see here. It is believed that sneakers add that special touch of buoyancy that makes them float around the ocean until the body becomes detached. Some of the feet have been identified as suicide victims but some remain unknown. Dear god, just make it stop!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross

The Woes of Buying A Puppy At A Pet Store

A Chinese woman was so happy when she brought home a beautiful fluffy white Japanese Spitz puppy from a local pet store. She loved the little pooch but became worried that the dogs in the park were always scared of it. Then, when the puppy was three months old it stopped eating dog food, its nose became pointy and its tail grew very long. People began telling her pooch wasn’t a Japanese Spitz. In desperation, she took her dog to the local zoo and they identified her dog as a white fox. Sleep with one eye open, lady!

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Filed under Well I Never

Why You Should Never Use a Convenient Store Microwave

One more times Loons, DO NOT and I repeat, DO NOT use a 7-Eleven microwave to heat up a urine sample. A woman in Colorado did and it went kaboom. Yep, the plastic bottle exploded and lined the oven with yellow, smelly pee. When confronted by staff, the woman wiped the pee onto the floor and walked out. Say it ain’t so.

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Filed under Friggin Gross

Australia,Start Pumping Up Your Bike Tyres

Apparently, Australia has only 30 days of liquid fuel left. Yes, you heard me, Australia has just 22 days of crude oil, 59 days of LPG, 20 days of petrol, 19 days of aviation fuel and 21 days of diesel remaining. How could this be happening? Seems our government have taken their eye off the ball and don’t have a plan B when it comes to surplus fuel. The US strike on Syria and Middle East unrest haven’t helped. Australia relies on the Middle East for 91% of its transport fuel which basically means I will need to start pumping up my bike tyres.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World

Child’s Play

Just saying

It didn’t take long for the Massachusetts police to nab a shoplifter in Walmart. The fool used Play-doh on the security alarms and left a nice big friggin fingerprint in it. Doh! Fast forward to the Connecticut Forensics Lab and well you can guess the rest.

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Filed under Whoops!

Pissed

OK, one more time people, please DON’T use other people’s urine to pass a drug test. A woman in Ohio was handed an 18 month sentence after she thought she had fooled the system by submitting someone else’s urine. Unfortunately, she didn’t ask the vital question because her friend’s sample tested positive for drugs. Damn it!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World