Monthly Archives: May 2018

Fairytale Over

Now that all the Royal Wedding fanfare is coming to a close I wonder if the Duchess of Sussex fully understands what she really got herself into? Sure the press will love her, especially if her blood relatives continue to provide headline grabbers, BUT they are fickle and can turn on her like a dime. She ain’t in Kansas anymore. Sure she is used to the press, but not the British Press, they are unrelenting.

She will only ever find herself going down the rung, especially if Kate decides to have a few more children. She will have to curtsey for the rest of her life to everyone above the rungs. That will include the Queen, Kate, Beatrice and Eugenie. This is where her acting skills will come in handy.

Any thoughts on having a political voice will be quickly quashed. The Royal Family pride themselves on being neutral. Silence is the best policy. The Royal Family might be England’s best tourist attraction but it is largely taxpayer-funded so scrutiny is dodged at all costs. So all her rah-rah about “social justice” and “charity work” will be downplayed.

If she thinks Prince William will speed up change…think again. Prince William has been carefully groomed for the role of King, he will not jeopardize this responsibility. Given that Charles has been waiting his whole life to be King, he won’t be stepping down from that role anytime soon when he is crowned. Charles is a stickler for tradition. So any thoughts that the young heirs will change the medieval/sexists traditions is purely a Royal spin. They have only ever been used by the Firm to shine a golden glow over the out of touch monarchs. It could be a good 20 years before Prince William takes the reign, and by then he will be middle-aged.

As for her freedom…bye-bye to that, she is now owned by the firm, no selfies, no autographs, no revealing dresses, no outings to the 7-Eleven without security and absolutely no stepping into the spotlight without permission. Reality is a bitch.

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Filed under You Go Girl!

Tourist Hotspot

OK, putting the Royal Wedding aside for one moment, anyone watching the fireworks over in Hawaii? Volcano Kilauea has just spewed ash and red hot nasty stuff from its summit. Run people, run! Officials have been seen throwing breathing masks to locals so they don’t inhale the potentially deadly ash. Sheez, if the fissures don’t get melt your sandals,  the mighty big eruption might. It is expected to throw refrigerator-sized boulders into the air. Mother nature isn’t happy.

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Filed under Friggin Scary

Royal Wedding Countdown

Like the good loon I have been steering myself clear of writing about the upcoming nuptials of Prince Harry and the TV actress. BUT, in light of her daddy having the paparazzi follow him around Mexico to take the worst staged shots I have ever seen, I can’t help myself any longer. Are you really sure Harry?REALLY?  You have a few days to make a run for it. I’m not sure you really want to add this branch to your family tree. Daddy has now bailed, brother is persona non grata, her ex-besties haven’t got a nice word, her mum is hiding in the shadows and well, it all seems like a mess. To top it all off, the relis who haven’t been invited have hopped over the Atlantic to be guest commentators on various tv networks. Move over Geordie Shore, the Markles are in town.

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Filed under Friggin Hilarious, They Live Among Us !

14th Foot Washes Up in Sneaker

Yes, its true yet another severed foot in a sneaker has washed up on a Canadian strip of beach. Despite  14 feet washing up in the same area since 2007, the Canadian coroners keep saying,  move on,  nothing to see here. It is believed that sneakers add that special touch of buoyancy that makes them float around the ocean until the body becomes detached. Some of the feet have been identified as suicide victims but some remain unknown. Dear god, just make it stop!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross

The Woes of Buying A Puppy At A Pet Store

A Chinese woman was so happy when she brought home a beautiful fluffy white Japanese Spitz puppy from a local pet store. She loved the little pooch but became worried that the dogs in the park were always scared of it. Then, when the puppy was three months old it stopped eating dog food, its nose became pointy and its tail grew very long. People began telling her pooch wasn’t a Japanese Spitz. In desperation, she took her dog to the local zoo and they identified her dog as a white fox. Sleep with one eye open, lady!

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Filed under Well I Never

Why You Should Never Use a Convenient Store Microwave

One more times Loons, DO NOT and I repeat, DO NOT use a 7-Eleven microwave to heat up a urine sample. A woman in Colorado did and it went kaboom. Yep, the plastic bottle exploded and lined the oven with yellow, smelly pee. When confronted by staff, the woman wiped the pee onto the floor and walked out. Say it ain’t so.

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Filed under Friggin Gross

Australia,Start Pumping Up Your Bike Tyres

Apparently, Australia has only 30 days of liquid fuel left. Yes, you heard me, Australia has just 22 days of crude oil, 59 days of LPG, 20 days of petrol, 19 days of aviation fuel and 21 days of diesel remaining. How could this be happening? Seems our government have taken their eye off the ball and don’t have a plan B when it comes to surplus fuel. The US strike on Syria and Middle East unrest haven’t helped. Australia relies on the Middle East for 91% of its transport fuel which basically means I will need to start pumping up my bike tyres.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World