Monthly Archives: January 2019

Best Conspiracy This Year

Welcome 2019 and welcome the first new conspiracy theory of the year. This involves Meaghan Markle and the royal bub to be. Rumours have been spreading recently by a small group that Meaghan isn’t pregnant at all and is, in fact, faking it. Enter the British made “moon-bump”. The strap on bump gives the appearance of being pregnant and is often used by actresses. Evidently, there have been photos suggesting that Meaghan has been wearing one under her designer frocks. A small group believes Harry and Meaghan are using a surrogate. Bless, don’t you love them. Here’s how it all started….

PSST: You can follow the conspiracy theorists on Twitter #MEGXIT

 

 

 

2 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Hilarious

Pilot, Can You Deploy The Air Mask

My actual worst nightmare, sitting next to someone with BO. Apparently, I am not alone. This week a couple were removed from an American Airlines flight because several passengers complained about their chronic body odor. Just so awks. I can remember many moons ago walking into a cloud of BO in an aisle of a supermarket. It was so thick and putrid that the stench cloud engulfed me and then held me hostage. It even infiltrated my clothes and HAIR. I can remember gagging and as customers walked by they gave me side-eye as if it was me. The trauma was real.

PSST Just a little side note, the couple were so stunned they asked people in the terminal to have a whiff. According to them, they didn’t smell so bad.

1 Comment

Filed under That's Gotta Hurt, Well I Never

Rant of the Day

In 1969 man landed on the moon. In some extraordinary feat, that still makes my eyebrow raise, they were able to televise it live. Fast forward to 2019 ….buffering, satellite interference, no signal!!! 1969 rang and said, “burn”.

Leave a comment

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Clive Palmer’s political party United Australia Party has been bombarding the airwaves and TV screens for the past few weeks with his stupid commercials. Yes, there is an election looming. He has even got Sister Scissors all riled up after he butchered their song “We Aren’t Gonna Take It” by changing the lyrics and adding his own. When they threatened to sue him he claimed straight-faced… You can’t, those new lyrics are mine.

So imagine my surprise when I received this text last night…

When elected United Australia Party will ban unsolicited political text messages which Labor & Liberal have allowed.

His party actually text me, to tell me they plan to stop political parties texting me.  WTF, you just sent me an unsolicited political text message!!!!

You know what, you Dunderklumpten, why don’t you ban ALL UNSOLICITED TEXT messages full stop. That includes scammers, telemarketers and you!

My forehead is starting to bruise.

1 Comment

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World

Political Dance-off

For the past several months I have been slapping my palm to my forehead watching Brexit and Bordergate sink lower and lower into the political swamp (that apparently has NOT been drained!). I use to stupidly believe that in the “democratic” world we, the people,  elected our Presidents and Prime ministers because politicians were supposed to represent the voice of their people. We get up out of armchairs and we waddle over to the voting booth and we mark very clearly who we think will best represent and lead us and we pop into the nicely sealed box. Am I right loons, am I right?  Well, apparently NOT.  Ever so cleverly a small chisel has been busily hacking away behind our democracy and reshaping it to look awfully like dictatorship.

No matter what name we place on the ballot our leaders believe once they are elected they have the right to do whatever the hell they like.  And what is worse, the opposition leaders have been tarnished with the same brush.  No matter who the “people” vote for,  they have no voice. Now that to me is a dictatorship. Fortunately, there is one thing they can’t control, Youtube What were thinking?

Leave a comment

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World