Monthly Archives: March 2019

Who Knew Fallen Trees Can Stand Back Up?

This I didn’t know. Beware loons if you came across a fallen tree. Evidently, they can spring back up and crush you, like some horror movie. Who friggin knew? A kid in Queensland is lucky to be alive after he was playing around a fallen tree when it sprang back up and crushed him under its roots. Fortunately, his quick thinking family members were able to use nearby vehicles and chains to lift the tree. He’s OK but had to nurse broken ribs and femur, two collapsed lungs and a squashed heart. Luckily, if a tree falls in Queensland you can hear a scream!

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Filed under Friggin Scary

Who Wants To Lay Down for $26,0000?

Want to earn $26,000 for two months work? Well, it really isn’t work it’s basically being lazy-assed while NASA and the European Space Agency use you as a guinea pig. A lazy-assed guinea pig. All you have to do is lie down and do nothing for 60 days. Kinda feel like I do that already but anywho, applicants are being sorted. It does come with some bummers, firstly, it is in Cologne, Germany and secondly, you’ll probably have to lie down with other like-minded lazy creatures in shared accommodation. Oh, and if you want (or care) what the experiment is for, it’s to do with testing weightlessness in space.

PSST: If you can decipher German you can find the application here

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Filed under Friggin Awesome

Hooray for Hollywood

Oh, Felicity Huffman and Lori Loughlin how could you do it? I have long been eyebrowing the over the top political correctness coming out of Hollywood but this has restored my faith in humanity. Let’s face it, humans by nature are designed to hunt, kill, cheat, steal, lie and deceive to make it through life (some more than others). So whilst we all get hoity-toity about the white people of this world exploiting their privileged existence, I propose a solution. Why don’t they just build a beautiful White Privileged People University where all the wealthy elites can enroll their entitled snowflakes. Problem solved. The precious ones can enroll in courses and degrees such as Social Influencing, Selfies, Exploiting the Masses, Sex Tape Making and How to Spend the Inheritance. Forget the SAT score, if you haven’t got over 5000,000 followers you won’t get in. Your parent must have the funds to support you and your lifestyle without eating into your trust fund. You have to be privileged,  none of those Lottery winners or insurance payout people, there has to be dignity… with the ability to social climb. How much better off would the world be if all the other Universities were free of them. We can only dream.

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Filed under They Live Among Us !, You Go Girl!

Karma is a Bitch

Last night I was having dinner at my favourite Japanese restaurant when a dodgy looking couple walked in. As I have the back corner table I had the best of views. I knew they were trouble and watched the trap unfold. The woman pretended to be extremely thirsty and asked if she could buy a bottle of water, whilst the guy stood in the doorway.  It is a restaurant so it was an unusual request. Anywho, as the guy paid for the water the woman placed her bag on the counter (over the tip jar) and grabbed the notes out from under it. They then both hurried off out the door, not even bothering to take the water. As soon as they left I went up and told the staff what had happened. While I was talking to the manager and laughing my head off, I could see the now furious couple yelling at each other in the carpark.  The reason? The tip jar is always full of useless old notes from Asia. And the bonus, the waitress charged them $4.50 for the water. Classic fail.

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Filed under Friggin Dumbass, Friggin Hilarious

Social Media Outage

Attention people YES there is a global outage of Facebook, Instagram, and Messenger. NO, don’t ring 000, 911 or 999. This is not an emergency. I REPEAT, this is NOT an emergency.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

Warm the Cockles

When a queue starts forming the first thing you think of is …FOMOers, Spice Girls tickets or a bargain sale. But you would all be wrong if you saw the line of 4,800 plus lining up in the pouring rain in the UK over the weekend. They weren’t there for a sale, or concert tickets, they were all there to get tested. Tested for being a potential stem cell match to save a 5-year-old boy fighting a rare cancer. Yes, young, old, males, females, and every nationality under the sun queued up outside a primary school in Worchester in hope of being a match for little Oscar. The desperate parents did a shout out in a last ditched effort to save their little boy. You can check out the campaign here  ‘Hand in Hand for Oscar’.

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Filed under Friggin Awesome