Category Archives: All That Is Wrong With The World

Sometimes people miss the entire point of life…..

Keyboard Blues

Sorry loons for lack of posts yesterday. Seems like the latest Windows 10 update wiped out my wifi keyboard. This made it impossible to a) search for fixes b) complete fixes c) get to website that downloads the new drivers . Life was so much easier when all we had to do was carve pictures into cave walls….. just saying.

PSST And yes tech savvy loons, I triple checked the batteries in keyboard….sheez!!!

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One Less Chair At Christmas

kim-jong-namOh no, not Kim Jong-nam, the oldest bro of Kim Jong Un is no more. Seems our favourite little Disney loving Kim Jong has been murdered in spectacular fashion at a Malaysian airport.
Two alleged North Korean female assassins sprayed an unknown toxic chemical from a fountain pen (so 1970s) in his face as he waited for his flight. This apparently isn’t the first time his younger bro has tried to bump him off.  Nam is the oldest and, in theory, the true leader of North Korea which Kim Jong Un has never been happy about. He was the product of  Kim Jong-il’s affair with South Korean-born actress Song Hye-rim, but fell out of favour when he was caught trying to sneak into Japan under a false identity to visit Disneyland. Since then he has lived in exile trying to avoid his erratic brother. RIP fun loving Jong.

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Yellow Car Controversy

yellowOh bless, it was the yellow car that finally broke the tourist’s back. For several years a pensioner has parked his bright yellow car outside one of Britain’s most picturesque villages, ruining the view and photo ops for tourists. The banana coloured Vauxhall Corsa belongs to a pensioner who lives in one of the Cotswolds cottage in 14th-century Arlington Row. Despite complaints, there was simply nowhere else to park it. This week it all got too much for someone and the poor little eyesore was vandalised. Not only were the windows smashed , someone carved MOVE on the bonnet. Now the pensioner has lost his car and independence. But don’t fret loons, he is on the lookout for a nice lime green one to replace it.

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Not What You Want

Look away loons, this is not pretty. A woman in India thought she was getting a cold after feeling a weird nasal sensation . Off she toddled to the docs who referred her to a hospital to have her nasal cavity flush out. When the discomfort continued she went to another hospital where they performed a nasal endoscopy. It was then that they discovered the culprit. A live roach was living in a space between her eyes and brain. Evidently it had crawled up her nose found a nice little bachelor pad and wasn’t going to leave without a fight. It took 45 minutes to remove the squatter after an epic battle using suction and forceps. I hope they sprayed it good.

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They Never Learn

OK, one more time people, if you are going to fake your own death please don’t a) tell everyone you have mad cow disease and are off for treatment in Venezuela b) apply for a passport under a false name c) get caught. That’s 14 years in prison right there. Come on people, too easy. The man, who was in uber debt , was off to Venezuela to obtain a fake death certificate. Three meals a day, roof over your head, no money worries…win/win.

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Surf’s Up

If dodging aliens hiding in suspicious Japanese clouds isn’t enough, scientists now believe Australia has a massive super ocean sink hole which could cause catastrophic earthquakes and tsunamis. Goddammit does that mean I have to hang my washing up higher? The so called “tear” in the sea bed is 7 km deep and just north of Australia. Scientists are now calling it the biggest fault on the planet. …nice one.

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Grinch Stabs Frosty

This would not happen on my watch…

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