Karma is a Bitch

Last night I was having dinner at my favourite Japanese restaurant when a dodgy looking couple walked in. As I have the back corner table I had the best of views. I knew they were trouble and watched the trap unfold. The woman pretended to be extremely thirsty and asked if she could buy a bottle of water, whilst the guy stood in the doorway.  It is a restaurant so it was an unusual request. Anywho, as the guy paid for the water the woman placed her bag on the counter (over the tip jar) and grabbed the notes out from under it. They then both hurried off out the door, not even bothering to take the water. As soon as they left I went up and told the staff what had happened. While I was talking to the manager and laughing my head off, I could see the now furious couple yelling at each other in the carpark.  The reason? The tip jar is always full of useless old notes from Asia. And the bonus, the waitress charged them $4.50 for the water. Classic fail.

Say What?

Seriously, when a couple has trouble conceiving it’s usually resolvable. Enter a Chinese couple. They go to their doc because they are just can’t fall pregnant, no matter how hard they try. They tell the obstetrician they have been trying for 4 years but so far nothing. Other than the wife complaining that it was very painful having sex nothing else seemed to be amiss…..until….the full examination. The doc discovers, to his astonishment, the woman is a virgin. How could that possibly be? After quizzing the couple he discovered the problem, apparently, the ignorant couple had been having anal sex. What the hell!!! Yep, they had no clue. Love to have been a fly on that wall. Back to the drawing board.

 

 

It Beats Walking

Dude, that’s no way to get through life!

Carpool Fail

One more time people and say it slowly…. a ball wearing a hat is not going to get you through life into the carpool lane. Sorry mister good try. Washington State police busted the dude when they pulled him up for expired tags. Doh! He also confessed to police the infant in the back was actually “a ball with a hat!”

Nothing To Gain

Heavens to Murgatroyd. A British man was fined for carrying a heavy load. Seems he got overly zealous at a rice sale at a local shop and filled his car with 2,000 pounds (800kg) of grain. That would be 40 bags of 20kg rice. Hmm, the $400 fine would make that some very expensive rice.

Drinks On Me

Oh for crying out loud. Two bumbling thieves attempting to steal beer from a locked fridge discover the cold hard truth.

What a Tool

A man down under had an embarrassing encounter with a ring spanner. Seems he got ihis penis stuck in it and had to ring the fire brigade. Enter angle grinder and a whole lot of awks. Guessing there was very little eye contact.

Sorry Folks

Oh dear, the New York Central Park Ice Festival has been cancelled because…wait for it…. it’s too cold.

Dumbass Bro

When  a New Zealand customer decided to knick a tip jar after purchasing a meal  at a local fast food joint he scored a grand total of $6.77. Unfortunately in his haste he left his $9.92 meal behind. Loser.

Clueless in Seattle

Naww, when a 73 year old with a impeccable driving record gets pulled over for not having his headlights on its kinda OK. Hmm, UNTIL, he starts snorting coke up his nose in front of the cop. The gramps got quite the startle when the policeman returned with his license mid snort and his stash fell all over his hands and floor. Needless to say, all the umming and ahhing about it being vitamins didn’t hold water. It’ the season to be jolly, fa la la la la lalalala

PSST Thanks Craig for the heads up on the goings in your home town. Have a merry Christmas.