Don’t Try This

Oh for goodness sakes will you dumbasses stop ringing 911. Latest loser Mark Anthony Johnson rang the dispatcher saying he had just murdered someone and was still armed. Police responded with a “Code 3” (that’s tech talk for full speed with lights and sirens blazing) only to find Mr Johnson home alone. Evidently he had been assaulted earlier in the day and thought if he made up a murder scenerio the police would get there quicker. He was right.

Drum Roll Please

An 83 year old Texan man opened fire on his 50 year old son because he refused to stop drumming. Boom, Boom!

Psst The son only received a graze to the head. Hmm, seems daddy ain’t good at shooting either!

The Wheels On The Bus Go Round And Round

WTF. Taking a criminally insane killer to a county fair. WTF. Mental hospital excursion. WTF. He escapes.WTF. He is in a bad mental state. WTfrigginF!

Psst On the bright side, they have 14 days to find him before his medicine wears off. WTF!

I Know It Looks Bad Officer But I Can Explain!

Step away from the car

OK parents, wrapping your kid up like he was a piece of furniture is just asking for trouble.Anne and Harald Wellbrock from Neustadt, Germany, were trying to make a house move a little easier for their five year old son Stephan by playing “Your a piece of furniture” game. So they wrapped him in packing tape and put him in the back of the car. Unfortunately people who witnessed “the game” thought the child was being kidnapped and rang police. As the Wellbrock family went on their merry way with the youngster wriggling around in the back the armed police were preparing for a kidnap rescue mission. The parents had a lot of explaining to do when they were eventually pulled over and the gun toting police removed a now terrified Stephan from the car still wrapped in packing tape.

And the Winner Is

Fail, fool!

OK the first rule of bank robbery, don’t give your name, address and bank details before you attempt to hold it up. Jarell Paul Arnold  walked into the Alaska USA Federal Credit Union in Anchorage handed over all his personal details before slipping the teller a note demanding money. Oh and if you think he was a first timer think again, the fool had already served time for a failed robbery in 2004. Hmm, it maybe time to be thinking, career change.

There Was a WHAT On My Shoulders?

Blahaha, what a dumbass!

If you are in possession of drug paraphernalia I wouldn’t suggest you ride a bicycle with a metre long alligator hanging around your shoulders. Hmm nope, that will just attract unwanted attention. When police pulled up along side Terron Ingram in Louisiana he did what any jail fearing fool would do. He ditched the bike and the alligator and made a run for it.So now he can add cruelty to animals by abandonment, to his resisting arrest and possession of drug paraphernalia rap sheet!

And You Thought No One Would Notice

Wow, the Prime Minister has great eyesight!

I am guessing it was a particular word that caught the eye of Croatian Prime Minister Jadranka Kosor and not her master of the English language that lead to a cameraman’s immediate sacking. During a government session Kosor spied one the  RTL TV cameraman wearing a “I don’t need sex. The government f**** me every day” t-shirt.  Kosor was so shocked and insulted by the act she requested his immediate dismissal (well, his t-shirt said it all really!). In his defence the cameraman said he wore it because it was the only clean t-shirt he had. Sounds right!

Unlucky Dumbass

What’s the odds that if you outfit your Ford Crown Victoria with flashing lights, microphones and speaker and pretend you are a cop, you’ll get caught? Pretty high if you are Antonio Fernandez Martinez of Oakland. Poor Antonio managed to pick, of all the cars in California, the lone unmarked cop car? Impersonating a police officer is a jail sentence, being a dumbass, well, that’s a life sentence!

Don’t Rock Up Drunk To Retrieve Suspended Licence

OK, here’s the thing Abbotsford couple, when one goes to retrieve your (in this case the woman’s) suspended license from a police station, there are a few protocols to adhere to. OK, number one, don’t start by parking your truck in the “police vehicles only.” bay…it only attracts undue attention. Secondly, do not and I repeat do not, appear drunk when asking for your driver’s licence back at the front counter…they are known dobbers.Oh and thirdly, ooh yes there is a thirdly, don’t leave your empty and full bottles of beer inside your truck in plain view. hmm, because you know what, Abbotsford couple? Those damn police are going to friggin test your man for alcohol consumption, tow his truck away and seize his licence for 24 hours too. Hmm,can’t wait to see how the Abbotsford couple fair tomorrow when they try this once again.

Wedding On Hold

Whoops silly me, forgot there would be cops EVERYWHERE!

Hmm, here’s the thing. If you are considered Salt Lake County’s Public Enemy No. 1, don’t be going to no courthouse to get married fool! Of course someone spotted Frank Paul Reyos when he entered the Ute Tribal Court, he is on every friggin wanted poster in town. Plus he has an unmistakable spiderweb tattoo on his forehead! Hmm, you might want to be changing that title to Salt Lake County’s Dumb Ass No. 1.

Psst What’s the bet the mother-in-law tipped off the police? I would!