Damn Those Electronic Monitoring Bracelets

Pants on the ground fools!

Say it ain’t so, police were able to pin four robberies in Maine on two men, thanks to their electronic monitoring bracelets. Seems the dumbasses had been fitted with the devices because of  a pending drug related cases. When a witness to one of the break-ins managed to get the plate number of the getaway car, police were able to intercept it. Hmm, it wasn’t long before  the Berwick cops realized the fools were on monitoring devices and  were able to trace their movements and charged them with several other burglaries in the area.

Korean Man Marries His Pillow

Oh for crying out loud weird Korean man, marrying your pillow is wrong. OK, the pillow has the Japanese anime girl Fate Testarossa on it, but still, wrong! Prior to the nuptials the couple went to a theme park and rode the rollercoaster and then later they went out to dinner. The man then stuffed Testarossa into a wedding dress for the ceremony and said their I dos. Wanna see the wedding photo? Here it is at Topless Robot.

Psst At least he will get a good night sleep after having some pillow talk ! Geez, I hope Testarossa doesn’t fade, that could get ugly.

For The Love of God

WTF, now that Negrohead Mountain has had a successful name change a devout Christian , Arthur Mijares, wants to have Mt Diablo (devil in Spanish) changed to Mt Reagan (Nancy’s hubby). Hmm, some would argue what’s the difference? OK, but here’s the killer, during his prayer time Mijares said “Lord, they’re going to think I’m a loon.” Blahahaha a loon? Not so friggin fast Mister, you aren’t a loon until I say you’re a loon! Anywho, he may have God on his side but it ain’t going to be so easy to convince the general public who are none too pleased with the proposal, if the amount of members of the “People Against Renaming Mt Diablo” on Facebook are anything to go by.Good luck with that!

There Was a WHAT On My Shoulders?

Blahaha, what a dumbass!

If you are in possession of drug paraphernalia I wouldn’t suggest you ride a bicycle with a metre long alligator hanging around your shoulders. Hmm nope, that will just attract unwanted attention. When police pulled up along side Terron Ingram in Louisiana he did what any jail fearing fool would do. He ditched the bike and the alligator and made a run for it.So now he can add cruelty to animals by abandonment, to his resisting arrest and possession of drug paraphernalia rap sheet!

Don’t Rock Up Drunk To Retrieve Suspended Licence

OK, here’s the thing Abbotsford couple, when one goes to retrieve your (in this case the woman’s) suspended license from a police station, there are a few protocols to adhere to. OK, number one, don’t start by parking your truck in the “police vehicles only.” bay…it only attracts undue attention. Secondly, do not and I repeat do not, appear drunk when asking for your driver’s licence back at the front counter…they are known dobbers.Oh and thirdly, ooh yes there is a thirdly, don’t leave your empty and full bottles of beer inside your truck in plain view. hmm, because you know what, Abbotsford couple? Those damn police are going to friggin test your man for alcohol consumption, tow his truck away and seize his licence for 24 hours too. Hmm,can’t wait to see how the Abbotsford couple fair tomorrow when they try this once again.

Not The “N” Word

Do we care?

Say it isn’t so. What do you get when Russian energy giant Gazprom and a Nigerian gas company join forces? Hmm…. Nigaz. Think about it people! WTF were they thinking? Last week Russian President Dmitry Medvedev and his Nigerian counterpart Umaru Yar’Adua agreed to a $2.5 billion international venture to build refineries and gas power stations in Nigeria….all they had to do was come up with a friggin name. Anywho, someone suggested combining  Nigeria and Gazprom and viola the rest is racist history… Nigaz. Priceless. I sure hope the good people of Nigeria have a sense of humor because be damned they’d have it in America!

Nona Paris Thinks I was The One

Look what just crawled out of the wood pile, Nona Paris Lola Ankhesenamun Jackson. You know her, Michael Jackson’s wife. Seems Nola has been married to the King of Pop for years. Damn you TMZ, why weren’t you onto this earlier? The secret wife has had an active court case pending since December. And let me tell you Nola ain’t at all happy about what’s going on with MJ’s estate. She has asked “that all my husband’s properties, monies and assets must be transferred to me immediately” oh and while your at it “my husband’s body must be returned to the coroner’s or the mortuary immediately.” Geez, sounds like a wife! She is also claiming the children are hers and she wants Michael’s mom to leave them kids alone. OK, can the rest of you crazies take a ticket because it is going to be a very long line.

Come on, you know I am gonna have a video of crazy lady (well I think it’s her)  see what you think … YouTube

Psst Honey, sweetie, darl… for starters, his kids are white or part there of!  Hmm, I think this is all one big crazy hoax but I am going to roll with it because I think she is as crazy as a cut snake! If MJ had sex with her, he was crazier than we first thought!

I Thought You Did!

I have said it once but I will say it again, if you plan to do a robbery make sure someone fills up the getaway car with gas. Geez, does your mom still wipe your nose? Lonnie Meckwood and Phillip Weeks take a bow, the two had just held up a clerk at knife point and taken off with some cash when their car started to chug and splutter before coming to a complete halt about a mile up the road.It wasn’t long before police found the pair. The twist in this little tale was they had just robbed a friggin gas station!

And Where Do You Think You Are Going With That?

Sometimes you just cant help yourself. William K Bradley a Western Michigan Uni student has been named  in the top 6  of the Kalamazoo County Circuit Judge Gary Giguere Jr’s all time dumbest criminal list. Nice achievement considering you’re a friggin uni student. So what did he do? Hmm, well it seems he stole a computer from the Kalamazoo County jail while he was already serving a sentence for some other crime. That’s another 6 months tacked on right there! I want to see his list!

Not Even Good At Lying!

And the dumbass winner today goes to the Kalamazoo man who walked into a police station bleeding profusely from his arms to report a crime. The man, who was slightly inebriated, told officers he had witnessed a break-in. He then went on to say how he had followed the burglar into the building, through a smashed window and got into a fight with him. Fortunately he was even able to describe the thief, saying he looked a lot like him! When police went to collaborate the story, they discovered the perpetrator was in fact him. Dumbass was arrested!