I don't know, something about a Custard Cream?
OK loons, I promise I am not making this up, evidently 25 million adults in Britain injure themselves eating biscuits. Hmm, that’s like half of Britain! Geez, it’s sounding like a Nanny State survey to me! Yep, the survey says of those 25 mil at least 500 end up in hospital (how embarrassing). FYI stay away from the custard creams, they are the worse offender. See, now I have got you really interested haven’t I? And no Ann, Iced Vovos weren’t on the Biscuit Injury Threat Evaluation list. But for the Jaffa cake lovers you can breath a sigh of relief, they are the safest. Anywho the hidden biccy dangers are as follows, flying fragments, scalding while dunking or fishing it out of the hot cuppa, falling off a chair reaching for the cookie jar, chipping a tooth, choking on crumbs, being bitten by an animal trying to get your biscuit or poking yourself in the eye with one.
I know you damn well want the list of the riskiest biscuits and their risk rating, so here it is .
Custard Cream 5.64
Choc Biscuit Bar (eg: Rocky) 4.12
Rich Tea 3.45
Oat Biscuit 3.31
Ginger Nut 2.99
Caramel Shortcake 2.76
Nice Biscuit 2.27
Iced Biscuits/Party Rings 2.16
Chocolate Finger 1.38
Jaffa Cakes 1.16
You're all nuts!
A survey done by Angus Reid Strategies of San Francisco found people in the US, UK and Canada don’t have much respect for car salesmen and politicians. Well I could have friggin told you that! Wanna know who ranked highest? Nurses, farmers and vets. Also thumbs up to architects, judges and dentists. That should make for interesting conversation at your next dinner party!
Come on lads, stop using chip fat instead of sun cream or you’re gonna die. A recent wee survey has unearthed a scary habit among the Scots, 4 out of 10 use cooking oils and moisturisers instead of proper UV protection lotions. Geez, I didn’t even know Scotland got the sun! Evidently Scotland has a higher rate of melanoma than Australia. Hmm, I wonder if the survey asked people why they preferred chip fat? Could it be for monetary reasons or do they simply want to fry…I’m just saying!
So you would say they are more pink than rose colored?
OK people, if a US Census worker comes to your door and begins to ask inappropriate questions whilst touching himself, odds are he probably is working for the US Census. Oh dear, Kim Mertin, an Overland Park resident in Kansas, was shocked when the Census dude came a knocking and began asking some rather strange questions like “are you wearing pink undies?”, “how about a back rub?”. Hmm, this alone would be deemed inappropriate behavior but he was also touching himself at the same time.Mertin backed into her house, locked the door , immediately rang police and emailed the Census Bureau. Turns out the guy was actually employed as a Census worker! Bags reading his questionaires!
What a great gammelfleischparty Bruce
Yes, it is that time of the year again, when Germans vote for the best “youth” word of the year. OK, ‘gammelfleischparty’ was the winner of the publishers of Langenscheidt dictionaries poll for the ‘youth word of 2008’ in Germany. Translated it means ‘spoiled meat party’ and refers to people over thirty having a party. In second place was the word ‘Bildschirmbraeune’ translated to mean ‘screen tan’, which refers to the pale complexion you develop from sitting too long in front of a computer. And in third place was the word ‘unterhopft’ translated to mean ‘underhopped’ and refers to someone in desperate need of a beer. My word is unterloonft someone in desperate need of a friggin loon fix (shame I ain’t a youth, could have been a contender for next year!)
Who Us ?
If you are considering buying a pooch I suggest you avoid a Great Dane or a Chihuahua evidently they are the most destructive of the canines and will cause you the most grief. According to a British survey they are the lost likeliest to crap on your carpets, eat your sofa and chew the heck out of anything left lying around. And all you Mastiff, Basset Hound and Whippet owners don’t you snicker your dogs are next! One Chihuahua breeder came leaping to the little pooches defence “Alright they can be quite feisty little things and they sometimes chew things and scratch wallpaper, but what dog doesn’t?” she said. Wallpaper fiends, how awful.The survey concluded that if you purchase a Great Dane expect to pay around $1400 worth of damages.
Cows facing magnetic north
You gotta love scientific research, surveys and studies. This week alone I have discovered; pussy cats are eating better than third world countries, people having sadomasochistic sex are much happier than people having normal sex and cattle tend to point north and south when grazing or sleeping. Hey, and that was just this week! So now that I am armed with all this friggin info what am I too do with it?
Lets take the cattle pointing north-south scenerio. German scientists studied satellite photographs of 8,510 cattle in 308 herds from around the world and discovered 2 out of 3 cows/bulls were pointing to magnetic north. Good god what does this mean, Should I be pointing magnetic north? Is that why cows are more susceptible to alien abductions? Is that why fresh milk is far too creamy for human consumption? Is it some weird cow religious ritual? Should I be panicking?
Fortunately I take solace from one dairy farmer who summed this research info up the best. When asked if he had noticed this odd behavior in his cows he replied “Absolutely not.” But, he added, “I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about stuff like that.”