Halo Fail

Not all Beyonce’s fans can sing…..

Epic Melon Fail!

OK dumbasses, if you plan to smuggle drugs and tobacco into a jail, don’t be using no oversize cantaloupe with a noticeable friggin cut around the top! Fail people, fail! Yes, police are currently looking for the fool/fools who hollowed out the melon , filled it with an assortment of goodies ( including oxycodone pills) and then tried to get it past authorities and into the waiting arms of inmates in a Washington jail. Officers said the melon looked like a pumpkin and pretty much stuck out like dog’s you know whats…

Back To The Drawing Board

When would I have time to manage a football team?

This is just one good reason why you should never give youngsters a survey about World War I & II. Hmm, this is the findings after 2,000 kids aged from 9 to 11 were polled by the veterans’ charity Erskine.1 in 20 thought Hitler was a German football manager, 1 in 6 believed Auschwitz was a Theme Park and 1 in 12 thought the Blitz was a European clean-up operation following the war. Might want to think about bringing history back into the curriculum! Hmm, hang on a minute isn’t it already? Ah, never mind!

Generation WTF

Welcome to the next generation.

Holy Hogwart Batman, a mother from Leeds who had asked a group of teenagers to shut up during the screening of Potter And The Half-Blood Prince  has had bleach poured all over her . The group of teenagers obviously took offence because after the family left the cinema the youths hurled abuse at them as they walked over to the Frankie & Benny’s restaurant. A few minutes later two of the low lifes allegedly entered the restaurant and threw bleach over the unsuspecting mother as her family looked on in horror. It still isn’t know whether there will be permanent damage to her eyes. Hey Civil libertarians, is this the end result of not allowing parents to discipline their children or to take responsibilities for their own actions? Nice isn’t it?

What Happened To Our Civilized Society?

OK, I am not liking these so called “honor” attacks one little bit.A Muslim woman is in hiding (and who would blame her) after a male friend had acid poured down his throat in a suspected “honor attack”  in Britain. The Danish man, of Asian descent, was jumped by a gang of men and stabbed twice in the back before having Sulphuric acid poured all over him . He is now in a serious condition in hospital with burns to 90% of his body . He no longer has his eye sight or his tongue.  The woman says their relationship was purely platonic but it had upset her family. Hmm, and the men who did this haven’t dishonored their family, the community and humanity? How dare they call it an “honor” attack!

Where Did It Friggin Go?

Still unaccounted for!

What happened to Air France Flight 447?  With today’s technology you would have thought they would have picked up the bleeping beacon pretty damn quick, but alas no. Maybe send a sub with sonar but alas no. And pray tell why isn’t Google Earth entering the search, throw a satellite over the area and snap away.Come on people it is 2009 chuck a GPS in the black box for goodness sakes! New reports coming out of Brazil are now claiming the wreckage previously thought to belong to the doomed aircraft was simply sea junk (don’t get me Al Gored on that!) and that oil slick… hmm, ships!  It doesn’t help the mystery when 12 other planes, who were flying the same air route around the same time,  did not report any problems with weather conditions. Why was there no distress call, I have watched enough Air Crash Investigations to know at least the pilot has enough time to do that! Air France have now confirmed 24 error messages were sent as the systems closed down one by one. Then there is the woman in England whose husband was on the flight, she still carried hope he was  alive because his cell phone continued to ring long after the plane had disappeared over the Atlantic.
Suggested theories flying around the internet
1. Possibly hit by a meteor: discarded after another plane witnessed white flash of light
2. Bomb : despite everyone and their dog ruling out a terrorist attack we can’t help but question it, especially after Air France admitted receiving bomb  threats a few days before the incident.
3. Struck by lightning: Every expert and their dog have been on CNN,FOX, BBC and SKY ruling out that a strike alone would not be enough to bring down a plane.
4. Catastrophic Failure or simply a series of unfortunate events: Air France are being vary careful not to implicate the plane or pilot error until some debris or black box is found.
5. A UFO took the plane : Why? It isn’t like we got better technology than them.Aliens on an airbus..I don’t think so! Hmm, but if the plane had chucked a left, they may have found themselves in the Bermuda Triangle and that is a whole other story.

And so what are they saying on Twitter? One tweet asked David Copperfield to quit messing around, while another thinks they are probably on some deserted island fending off dinosaurs!

What is most disconcerting is that no one is officially dead until they find wreckage!

UPDATE: Conspiracy theorists back in your boxes the wreckage of Flight 447 has been found and also several bodies.

Scratch That Off Your Travel Plans

Kiss the tourist dollar goodbye!

Right honey, pack up the kids we are heading back to the Four Corners. Hands up who has a photo of themselves on all fours at the Arizona, Colorado, New Mexico and Utah border? Come on you know, the only place in the US where you can physically be in four different states at the same time.Even the Loon has a snap! Hmm, well I hate to break it to you, those damn US government surveyors got it a little wrong when they did their intial survey in 1868… hmm..seems about 2.5 miles wrong. Them photos of you in your album on all fours…Arizona people, just Arizona.

No Such Thing As Beer Goggles Boys!

Little did Betty know she was wasting her time going to the pub

I knew it, I knew it…the difference between a dog and a fox isn’t 5 drinks… it’s a myth, people. Beer goggles it seems has the opposite affect on men. Yep, that’s right ladies you become  less attractive in the eyes of males after a few ales. A group of scientists asked 240 men and women in bars and cafes to have a look at a series of photographs of women and comment on their age and attractiveness. Half the group studied had been drinking when photo’s were shown. Hmm, but interestingly, alcohol reduced the females ability to guess the age of the women in the photos, but not the men. It also appears those who were drinking alcohol  rated all the women in the photos as less attractive than those who hadn’t been drinking. So I guess you have no excuses boys for having to bite your arm off in the morning !

Psst If you don’t believe the beer goggle theory, read the article from the Telegraph.

I Think Its Called The Embarassing Position

OK honey, now if you just.....

I shall leave a lot of this to your imagination but a Russian couple was rushed to hospital after getting themselves stuck in a Kama Sutra pose.Seems the “Deck Chair” can be quite tricky, especially if your wife has a muscle spasm. Hmm, the middle aged couple struggled for an hour to unattach themselves from each other but in the end had to ring the paramedics. Dear god, how did they get them into the ambulance? Very carefully I guess!  When the doctors stopped giggling long enough to lend a hand, they managed to help the man set himself free, whilst the woman needed treatment for her spasm. Evidently the Deck Chair is listed as “moderately difficult” in the ancient Indian book of sexual positions. And NO there isn’t a YouTube video!

Mecca Problem!

So you were a little off, dont worry, no one will notice!

I am not too sure but I think this is bad. It has been revealed 200 mosques in Mecca are pointing the wrong way for prayers.OK, here’s the thing, it is really, really important to be facing in the right direction for prayers in Islam religion.So much so, to avoid any confusion each mosque has a niche pointing in the direction of the most sacred Islamic site, the Kaaba, an ancient cube building in Mecca’s Grand Mosque. The problem it seems is that some of those niches aren’t exactly pointing directly to the Kaaba. Many are now fearing their prayers are  null and void because of this major minor oversight. Hmm, wondering why nobody noticed it until now? Well, it seems it has only come to light thanks to the recently built high rises where people can now look down over the city. A reassuring Islamic Affairs Ministry Deputy Secretary has announced “In any case, it does not affect the prayers.”.Sure, what else could he say!