IOU

If you were getting money out of an ATM and a note reading “Please help me I am stuck inside the machine” came out the receipt slot what would you do? Well if you were in Texas, you would ignore it. Some poor ATM repair man was frantically writing notes after accidentally locking himself inside the machine but people were ignoring them because they thought it was some sort of prank.

What a Tool

A man down under had an embarrassing encounter with a ring spanner. Seems he got ihis penis stuck in it and had to ring the fire brigade. Enter angle grinder and a whole lot of awks. Guessing there was very little eye contact.

We Will, We Will, Mock You

Oh dear, this is what happens when you start celebrating before you cross the finishing line at the Pepsi Team Invitational. Pipped at the post…awks

Madonna’s Cape Fear

Oh dear, Madonna did a tumble at the Brit Awards. Awks and ouch!

Monica Lewinsky You Are Not Alone

Attention office workers. If you decide to have sex at work (after dark) make sure the lights are off and there isn’t a pub full of Kiwis drinking across the road who can see you ….just saying. Oh and yes ,they did record every sordid detail on their smart phones and then posted them all over Facebook, Twitter and Reddit. The married senior insurance manager and the young female office junior were unaware they were being cheered on from across the street by over 50 bar patrons. One witness said  ‘To be honest, after watching them f*** for a good half hour, people started to get bored and drift off back to the dancefloor.’

It wasn’t long before news travelled back to the missus (and the world) that her hubby had been well, you know …. No word on the fate of the two love rats.

Knife Throwing Mad Man

Whoopsie daisy, I think this knife thrower needs a little more practice after he struck his assistant not once but twice on live TV.

Don’t Mess With Gaston

Might want to think twice before taking on a push up contest with Gaston…. owned!

When Fans Go Wild

Just saying

OMG, a Manchester United football fan has taken his loyalty a little too far. The 50 year old dude has had the MAN U badge tattooed on his forehead. He says ‘People don’t look at me in a funny way, they look at me in admiration.’ Hmm, I might beg to differ. Oh but wait, there’s more. He has also changed his name from Zdravkov Levidzhov to Manchester United. Mr United lives with his mother and David Beckham the cat in a small flat in Bulgaria.

I know you want to see it … click here.

People Come To The Rescue

This is what happens in Perth if you don’t mind the gap … One, two, three,  push. OMG, I am so glad that has never happened to me, how embarrassing.

 

Best comments  in today’s newspapers ….hilarious

In Seattle 400 police, firemen, and ambulance dudes would have turned up, and after spending a week holding press conferences and demolishing the entire station Homeland security would have raided his house and read his emails, the police would have shot him, and the hospital ER would have given his wife a bill for a million dollars for confirming that he had a sore leg before he was shot.

If that was England, he’d have been robbed. Then fined for trespassing.

Right wingers would have left him and spat at him and probably blamed him for not looking.

In England they would have all been cautioned for not filling out a risk assessment !

It’s pretty simple. Stuck idiot = late for work. Solution: remove idiot.

Feeling good about my fellow Perth people today, still the worlds worst drivers, but now the best train pushers.

Epic University Graduation Fail

You drop out of uni and fail to tell your parents. Now, how the hell are you going to get through the graduation ceremony without them noticing? OK, well, you rock up  wearing your cap and gown (to throw them off the scent) and just before graduation is about to commence you ring the university and tell them there is a bomb in the library. That should do it! Oh wait, what? They haven’t evacuated anyone from the graduation ceremony. Not to panic, you ring the university back again and tell them “You haven’t cleared out graduation. That’s not a good idea.” Sheez, what’s up with the uni, dumb or something? Oh wait, what? They are moving graduation to another area? This isn’t at all working out like planned. OMG, how did the police find out? Oh wait, what? They traced the phone. Seriously, I can kinda see why she dropped out.