Contested Waters And The Missing Malaysian Airline

China and Vietnam are currently involved in a serious dispute over  contested South China Sea waters which Washington fears may escalate into full out war. Now call me crazy, but didn’t the Mayalsian Airlines disappear immediately after  flying into Vietnamese airspace? I certainly hope the plane was not shot down by the Vietnamese and this on going search is just a ruse to avoid an international incident and another potential war.  I still harp back to that oil rig guy who saw an explosion in the air around the time the plane went missing.

Area 51 is Real, Aliens Not So Much

Get back in the shed, they will see you

OMG, the US government has finally admitted to the existence of Area 51, which has immediately sent conspiracy theorists into a spin. They now suspect it didn’t exist after all (kidding). OK, sure the gov docs refer to “Area 51” but there is not a squeak about aliens and UFOs in the documents. Heavy sigh.

Want spooks with that?

Virgin Mary Makes Appearance In Malaysia

Catholics are all in a tizz after the Virgin Mary appearing on a hospital window in Malaysia. No word on what she was doing there.

Bigfoot Sighting in Utah

Oh for crying out loud people, one more time, this is not bigfoot, it’s a friggin wild turkey fanning out its feathers, you fools. Sheez!!!

The Yeti Is Real

Oh crap, they’re onto us!!!!

Russian scientists have confirmed Sasquatches (Yetis) are real folks, real!!!! Evidently DNA tests from strange hairs found in a Siberian cave have been confirmed as belonging to an unknown mammal that is closely related to us homo sapiens.  I can see you all raising your eyebrows but no one from Jersey Shore has ever been to Russian let alone shed hair in a cave.

Want sauce with that?

Raised By A Colony of Monkeys You Say?

A housewife living in England is about to write a book about her life. Marina Chapman claims she was abandoned in a Colombian jungle after a botched kidnapping and raised by a colony of Capuchin monkeys for 5 years. I know, I know, crazy huh? Marina believes in the 1950s (when she was 5 years old) she was abducted and held for ransom but something went wrong and her captors dumped her in the jungle. At some stage a bunch of monkeys took her in and taught her to hunt with her bare hands. When she was about 10, a group of hunters found her but instead of handing her over to authorities they sold her to a brothel. Eventually she managed to escape and was taken in by a family. In her twenties she traveled to the UK and met her future hubby and had two kids. Now the book.

Want sauce with that?

Australia Pays $40 Million For UN Seat Bid

Prime Minister Julia Gillard confirmed that Australia had committed $26 million to the bid for one of 10 non permanent seats on UN Security Council , despite reports the total cost has blown out to almost $40 million.
So do you bid for a seat or pay for it? Supposedly the members are chosen by regional groups but it sounds more like they are being bribed to me!!!! So lets get this straight, if there are 10 non permanent seats available and each country “bids” @ say  $26 million, that’s a nice little paycheck for the UN. Which is probably why  “Some foreign officials have likened the security council process to a diplomatic version of the failed World Cup soccer bid.”

I assume Aussie taxpayers won’t get their money back if we don’t get a seat…. even if we send a strongly worded letter.

 

 

 

 

Monster In The Lake

Good work Nessie

Feet up Siberian loons, there is a monster lurking in your lake and it likes lifting boats out of the water and wailing as it attacks. Good luck with that. Known by locals as “The Devil” it has been terrorizing  fishermen for years. The mystery has deepened this week with experts picking up a large object on their echo sounding device. Lake Labynkyr is located about 60km from the “coldest place on earth” yet despite all the other lakes in the area freezing over in winter, this lake never, ever freezes AND has no plant life!!!

Hell In A Jar

First there was Michael Jackson in bird poop, now we have Jerry Garcia in a jar of horseradish. Seriously? The dude’s got the munchies no doubt!!!!

Psst For those of you who have never heard of Jerry Garcia, he was the frontman for the band Grateful Dead. Personally I think it looks more like Janis Joplin.

Who’s The Man In The Windshield?

OK loons, have a guess whose face this is in that blob of bird poop.  Go on, take your time.

If you said Michael Jackson take a bow. Some dude in Chicago was lucky enough to have some bird shit the late singer onto his windshield. He told reporters how he suddenly saw Jacko appear before his very eyes and how it became even more evident when the poop hardened.  Now he has plonked the windshield on eBay at a reserve price of $500. Smooth criminal.