Category Archives: That’s Gotta Hurt

Actress At A Loss

police run prints from severed finger and make arrestIn breaking news Lindsay Lohan has lost half a finger in a boating accident. I wonder which finger?

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Filed under That's Gotta Hurt, Whoops!

Holy Matrimony, Batman

There are numerous things you can do with a wedding ring but slipping it on your penis is not one of them. Just ask the Chinese dude who had his stuck for two days. The pain became so unbearable he had no choice but to ring firefighters. It took 90 minutes and a bucket of humiliation before the gold band was cut off. Unfortunately for him, footage of the incident has been making its rounds on social media.

PSST I know what you are thinking Loons but I’m guessing hoping the ring was a man’s extra large.

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Filed under Sore Loser, That's Gotta Hurt, Whoops!

Not A Leg To Stand On

What’s the quickest way to make $250,000? Well, if you don’t mind losing a hand and foot you could always attempt an insurance scam. Just ask the Vietnamese guy who persuaded his friend to lob off her limbs. The man cut off his friend’s hand and foot and plonked her near a railway line before ringing an ambulance, in the hope of claiming medical insurance. Unfortunately for her, the ruse came undone when police became sus about the story and did some digging. The trick , it seems,  is not to have a failing business. Now she is an unemployed, limbless pauper. Oh well.

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Take That!

Somewhere out there is a would-be kidnapper hanging his head in shame. You had one job….kidnap an 8 year old. What happened? She kung fu-ed you into submission. Amateur. An 8 year old did the old pressure move on the neck of a man who had broken into her home and attempted to drag her downstairs. The little ninja told police she used the “the Cheetah Paw” on the intruder, a move she learnt at Kung Fu class. Meanwhile, police are looking for a man who the girl says “smelled like garbage.” So many levels of hurt.

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Filed under That's Gotta Hurt, Well I Never, You Go Girl!

Extreme Dentistry

Forget the door knob or a drone, a father in the US used a helicopter to extracted his kid’s tooth. He attached a string to his son’s loose tooth and the other to the helicopter….

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Jogger 0, Kangaroo 0.5

You know what I hate? When you are out jogging and you get kaboomed by a flying kangaroo….I really hate that.  The roo in question got hit by a car and flew right into the jogger, taking out his legs. Oh the calamity. No word on the kangaroo, but the jogger will be limping for a wee bit.

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Filed under Friggin Wildlife, That's Gotta Hurt

What a Tool

A Nazi gynecologistt Carl Clauberg's surgical tools foundman down under had an embarrassing encounter with a ring spanner. Seems he got ihis penis stuck in it and had to ring the fire brigade. Enter angle grinder and a whole lot of awks. Guessing there was very little eye contact.

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Filed under Friggin Dumbass, Friggin Hilarious, How Embarrassing, That's Gotta Hurt

Cat 1, Postie 0

Meanwhile in the UK a Bristol postie is threatening to stop delivering mail to an address because the cat Bella snatches the mail from his hands…that is a “potential hazard” right there. The owners have created a makeshift post box outside their house so the postie’s fingers are no longer at risk. Did someone say Nanny State?

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Filed under Friggin Wildlife, That's Gotta Hurt, Well I Never

Something to Tell The Grandkids

It use to be an urban legend you would tell visitors to Australia…careful of the Redback on the toilet seat. But alas for one unlucky dude it has become a reality. A man in Sydney was bitten by the venomous Redback spider while taking a leak in a portaloo …wait, there is more…. he was bitten on his penis. OK loons, I know what you were thinking , he was either sitting down (which is uncool) or he was standing up (which makes it awfully big). Anywho, I digress. By the time paramedics had arrived, the man had wisely made his own way to hospital where he was treated for swelling, pain and the humiliation. No word on the mental state of the spider.

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Wedding Owl Fail

A stunt owl who was hired to deliver rings at a wedding ceremony decided to make a run/fly for it but didn’t count on there being a window in his escape exit.

PSST Don’t fear animal lovers, Max the owl was fine, just a nasty headache.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, That's Gotta Hurt, Whoops!