Sorry about the lack of posts yesterday, the Loon is digging a bunker. Yes, I have decided to become a prepper. It is all Kim Jong Un’s fault. I have no faith in his missile capabilities. That is, I suspect its good luck rather than good management that his missiles haven’t kaboomed another country yet. So I am going it alone. Move over Tiny Houses, hello Tiny Kaboom Shelter.
Being a prepper isn’t easy. So many extension cords. So little in canned food cuisine. I have been watching the film Martian over and over again for inspiration …basically to see if I can devise a way to re-purpose the kitty litter. Maybe grow potatoes?
I have also been spending up big on all the infomercials… got myself the Rocky Mountain Tumbler, Olde Brooklyn lantern, Eurobed, Air Dragon Pump and VIP Poo spray.
I’m pretty much all set for nuclear annihilation.
Sometimes you just need to eye roll. German police have arrested a father and son after discovering 5000 ecstasy tablets in their car. Hmm, no biggie except….the tablets had Donald Trump’s face on them. Boom, drain the swamp, build a wall and lock them up.
A man in Iowa tried to deposit a $1 million bill into his bank account. Needless to say the bank rang the cops who asked him if he has any more million dollar bills and low and behold a baggie of meth fell from his pocket. Naw, bless. I wonder whose face he drew on the bill?
PSST I wonder what he exchanged for the bill? He is going to be right pissed when the fog lifts!
Luckily this news reporter didn’t look what was crawling down her arm…
When you have 6 outstanding warrants and you are handcuffed and about to be carted away by police what is the first thing you should do is? Hmm, well for an Oklahoma man it was to ask his “Momma” if it was OK to propose to his girlfriend. With his Momma’s blessing he got down on one knee and asked his girlfriend to marry him. The cop’s response…”Are you kidding me?” Unfortunately he had his hands cuffed behind his back so he couldn’t give her the ring. But the kindhearted cops recuffed him so he could at least do something right. Bless.
Attention loons, best job ever is being offered in Scotland. Hands up who wants to be a nanny? OK, there is just one catch, apart from having to look after friggin snowflakes, you have to contend with a ghost. Evidently the place is hell crazy…weird noises, furniture moving, things breaking (the usual paranormal stuff). So far 5 nannies have run for the hills. The family claim they have never experienced anything out of the ordinary. Hmm, so what are the odds they employed 5 lying, delusional child care workers? Sleep with one eye open nannies.
Attention all male loons, if you plan to go to Spain and are guilty of “manspreading” be warned. It is now an offence to spread them man legs on public transport. Just stop! Nothing worse than your personal space being invaded by a male leg.