Category Archives: Well I Never

One Less Chair At Christmas

kim-jong-namOh no, not Kim Jong-nam, the oldest bro of Kim Jong Un is no more. Seems our favourite little Disney loving Kim Jong has been murdered in spectacular fashion at a Malaysian airport.
Two alleged North Korean female assassins sprayed an unknown toxic chemical from a fountain pen (so 1970s) in his face as he waited for his flight. This apparently isn’t the first time his younger bro has tried to bump him off.  Nam is the oldest and, in theory, the true leader of North Korea which Kim Jong Un has never been happy about. He was the product of  Kim Jong-il’s affair with South Korean-born actress Song Hye-rim, but fell out of favour when he was caught trying to sneak into Japan under a false identity to visit Disneyland. Since then he has lived in exile trying to avoid his erratic brother. RIP fun loving Jong.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

Yellow Car Controversy

yellowOh bless, it was the yellow car that finally broke the tourist’s back. For several years a pensioner has parked his bright yellow car outside one of Britain’s most picturesque villages, ruining the view and photo ops for tourists. The banana coloured Vauxhall Corsa belongs to a pensioner who lives in one of the Cotswolds cottage in 14th-century Arlington Row. Despite complaints, there was simply nowhere else to park it. This week it all got too much for someone and the poor little eyesore was vandalised. Not only were the windows smashed , someone carved MOVE on the bonnet. Now the pensioner has lost his car and independence. But don’t fret loons, he is on the lookout for a nice lime green one to replace it.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

Freakin Morons Get Apology

Naw, a democratic Massachusetts mayor has copped it sweet, eaten humble pie and decided to apologise for calling protesters “freakin’ morons” during a public meeting. The demonstrators were ranting about the immigration policies of  Trump when the mayor unleashed his inner kraken (on a live mic) and said “freakin’ morons. Morons, morons, morons” and then followed up by calling them uneducated. Now that is what I call bipartisan .

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Filed under Friggin Hilarious, Well I Never

Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty

It didn’t take long for this feline to discover there were kitty drugs in this Netherlands pet supply store. When staff went to the catnip aisle they found a random cat writhing in ecstasy over their toys. Well played kitty. The embarrassed owner eventually carted the drugged up puss home.

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Filed under Friggin Wildlife, Well I Never

It’s The Season

christmas tree 3Um, yeah about that tinsel. Step away from that Christmas tree….repeat…step away from that Christmas tree. A family in Australia got quite the WTF when they realised that the tinsel was moving on their Christmas Tree. Turns out it wasn’t a possessed decoration at all,  but a deadly tiger snake. Is nowhere safe?

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Filed under They Live Among Us !, Well I Never

Chinese Tourists Explained

chinese-touristsNaw bless. It seems peeved British tour guides are behind the sudden influx of Chinese tourists to a small village in Kidlington. Residents have been bemused/mortified as bus loads of Chinese sightseers have descended into their quiet suburban streets taking snaps. Some enthusiastic Chinese tourists have been knocking on local’s doors asking for selfies, others bouncing on trampolines, one even offered to mow the lawn. Originally the phenomenon was blamed on the Chinese wanting to experience the “true” England. But no. Then it was reported that naughty tour guides were telling them that the village was the location for Harry Potter, Midsomer Murders and Inspector Morse. But now it has been revealed that the mobs have been dumped there because they don’t want to pay the jacked up prices offered by the tour guides to visit Winston Churchill’s home. Seems the crafty Chinese discovered they could buy cheaper tickets so they were opting out of the tour and then sneaking off on foot to visit. So the tour guides have been dropping them off at Kidlington because it is far enough away that they can’t walk there.

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Filed under Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never

End of World Alert

Vatican coin misspelled JesusA religious computer programmer believes Jesus is on his way back to Earth to destroy the planet. Seems he has had enough. The programmer has calculated that at the end of 2016 we will face the apocalypse and those lucky enough will head to heaven while the rest will be sizzling somewhere else. She wrote on her website ‘In the fall of 2016, the 6,000 years of sin on earth will come to an end, everlasting righteousness will be brought in, and Jesus will come again to take His people to heaven.’

PSST I wonder what Jesus has been doing for the passed 2000 years?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never