For goodness sakes, if you are going to try an elaborate prison break, act the part (and don’t throw your daughter under a bus). A Brazilian gang leader attempted an escape by dressing up as his daughter who was visiting him in prison. His daughter smuggled in a silicon mask, long-haired wig, skinny jeans and a pink tee. The daring plan nearly worked but unfortunately, the gang leader began acting nervous. Hmm, maybe those skinny jeans were too tight. Anywho, he was sprung and the daughter, who was left in his place, was arrested. Now Mr smarty-pants has been transferred to max-security prison and will probably be taunted for the rest of his life.
Oh, Felicity Huffman and Lori Loughlin how could you do it? I have long been eyebrowing the over the top political correctness coming out of Hollywood but this has restored my faith in humanity. Let’s face it, humans by nature are designed to hunt, kill, cheat, steal, lie and deceive to make it through life (some more than others). So whilst we all get hoity-toity about the white people of this world exploiting their privileged existence, I propose a solution. Why don’t they just build a beautiful White Privileged People University where all the wealthy elites can enroll their entitled snowflakes. Problem solved. The precious ones can enroll in courses and degrees such as Social Influencing, Selfies, Exploiting the Masses, Sex Tape Making and How to Spend the Inheritance. Forget the SAT score, if you haven’t got over 5000,000 followers you won’t get in. Your parent must have the funds to support you and your lifestyle without eating into your trust fund. You have to be privileged, none of those Lottery winners or insurance payout people, there has to be dignity… with the ability to social climb. How much better off would the world be if all the other Universities were free of them. We can only dream.
A Russian law student has had it with men manspreading on trains and has taken action into her own hands. Armed with a bottle of water mixed with bleach she is “spray crotching” offenders. Yes, you heard me, she is walking up and down aisles of trains and splashing any man who dares spread his legs to an unacceptable width in the crotch. The mixture is guaranteed to leave the area in question bleached. Manspread shaming has just been taken to a new level. So far no one has reported her because let’s face it, who is going to go to the police?
Here’s the thing loons, if you are standing in line at a bakery and overhear someone behind you say ‘let’s hope this fat bitch doesn’t buy all the cupcakes’. What do you do loons, what do you do? Well, you buy every goddam cupcake in the store, that is what. Well played.
Move over Superman, there is a new superhero in Australia. Faster than a speeding car, more powerful than a full strength, able to leap tall curbs in a single bound…it’s Demerit Man. Disguised as the mild mannered bogan of Tamworth, the dude wearing a VB beer carton on his head, covers the speed camera with a tea towel, saving the unsuspecting motorists from a certain fine. Well done Demerit Man. Thank you for using your amazing powers in a never ending battle for truth and justice.
I didn’t know this was even a thing? Ref taing his job way too seriously…
Despite popular belief that Kim Jong Un’s wife had been executed, the unluckiest woman in the world has been
dragged brought out into the public to attend a lavish banquet. It’s the first time Mrs Kim Jong Un has been seen in public since December. The banquet was in held in honour of the latest hydrogen bomb test. It is believed the missus was hidden away due to a pregnancy. Gossip surrounds the couple’s other two children with Kim Jong Un. Bets are they are girls as they have never been seen in public. Fingers crossed the latest is a boy or we might not be seeing her again.
Luckily this news reporter didn’t look what was crawling down her arm…
Iz just couldnt helpz myself, it smelled so goodz…iz sorryz mummy….
Bella the Lab ate a wedding cake on the day of the wedding. The cake was suppose to be being looked after by the bridesmaid Someone forgot to check the latch on Bella’s cage…. “When I got up in the morning and opened the kitchen door I screamed and burst into tears. The cake was totally destroyed and Bella was sitting there looking at the ground knowing very well that she was in big, big trouble.”
In a desperate plea the bridesmaid and her partner frantically searched for a cake maker to whip something up to replace the crumbled mess. They eventually found someone to get them out of the mess. Well played Bella!
It probably seemed like a good idea at the time. But just…. no. A female bank robber thought she could fool everyone by drawing on a fake beard during a robbery. Hmm, guess she was wrong.
PSST Might come in handy where she is going though?