Category Archives: You Go Girl!

Meet the Markles

Oh, how I love a family fur fight being played out in the media. It’s only been a few days but Meghan Markle’s half-sister Samantha has poked the lion (again). Using her fav form of attack, Twitter, she has given an expose on the mother of the bride during the Royal wedding…..’She looked more like the hockey player in the penalty box.’ Ouch, burn. But our favourite 15 minuter hadn’t quite finished…’The Givenchy was beautiful but I would have put her in a hockey uniform.’ The half-sister is also pissed their family won’t be allowed to use Meghan’s coat of arms. She feels the Royals are no better than them…’You’ve got inbreeding, you’ve got substance abuse, you’ve got alcohol abuse, you’ve got infidelity.’ Oh bless, there goes any chance at a Christmas invite at Balmoral…just saying.

PSST Hands up who would love to see Samantha cop an invite and be seated next to Prince Phillip? Oh pleeeease!!!

2nd PSST Why hasn’t anyone signed the Dooley-Markles to a reality show yet?

 

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Fairytale Over

Now that all the Royal Wedding fanfare is coming to a close I wonder if the Duchess of Sussex fully understands what she really got herself into? Sure the press will love her, especially if her blood relatives continue to provide headline grabbers, BUT they are fickle and can turn on her like a dime. She ain’t in Kansas anymore. Sure she is used to the press, but not the British Press, they are unrelenting.

She will only ever find herself going down the rung, especially if Kate decides to have a few more children. She will have to curtsey for the rest of her life to everyone above the rungs. That will include the Queen, Kate, Beatrice and Eugenie. This is where her acting skills will come in handy.

Any thoughts on having a political voice will be quickly quashed. The Royal Family pride themselves on being neutral. Silence is the best policy. The Royal Family might be England’s best tourist attraction but it is largely taxpayer-funded so scrutiny is dodged at all costs. So all her rah-rah about “social justice” and “charity work” will be downplayed.

If she thinks Prince William will speed up change…think again. Prince William has been carefully groomed for the role of King, he will not jeopardize this responsibility. Given that Charles has been waiting his whole life to be King, he won’t be stepping down from that role anytime soon when he is crowned. Charles is a stickler for tradition. So any thoughts that the young heirs will change the medieval/sexists traditions is purely a Royal spin. They have only ever been used by the Firm to shine a golden glow over the out of touch monarchs. It could be a good 20 years before Prince William takes the reign, and by then he will be middle-aged.

As for her freedom…bye-bye to that, she is now owned by the firm, no selfies, no autographs, no revealing dresses, no outings to the 7-Eleven without security and absolutely no stepping into the spotlight without permission. Reality is a bitch.

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How To Make a Cupcake Taste So Much Better

Here’s the thing loons, if you are standing in line at a bakery and overhear someone behind you say ‘let’s hope this fat bitch doesn’t buy all the cupcakes’. What do you do loons, what do you do?  Well, you buy every goddam cupcake in the store, that is what. Well played.

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This Looks Like A Job For Demerit Man

Move over Superman, there is a new superhero in Australia. Faster than a speeding car, more powerful than a full strength, able to leap tall curbs in a single bound…it’s Demerit Man. Disguised as the mild mannered bogan of Tamworth, the dude wearing a VB beer carton on his head, covers the speed camera with a tea towel, saving the unsuspecting motorists from a certain fine. Well done Demerit Man. Thank you for using your amazing powers in a never ending battle for truth and justice.

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What The?

I didn’t know this was even a thing? Ref taing his job way too seriously…

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She Lives

Despite popular belief that Kim Jong Un’s wife had been executed, the  unluckiest woman in the world  has been dragged brought out into the public to attend a lavish banquet. It’s the first time Mrs Kim Jong Un has been seen in public since December.  The banquet was in held in honour of the latest hydrogen bomb test. It is believed the missus was hidden away due to a pregnancy. Gossip surrounds the couple’s  other two children with Kim Jong Un. Bets are they are girls as they have never been seen in public. Fingers crossed the latest is a boy or we might not be seeing her again.

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Incy Wincy

Luckily this news reporter didn’t look what was crawling down her arm…

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