Iz just couldnt helpz myself, it smelled so goodz…iz sorryz mummy….
Bella the Lab ate a wedding cake on the day of the wedding. The cake was suppose to be being looked after by the bridesmaid Someone forgot to check the latch on Bella’s cage…. “When I got up in the morning and opened the kitchen door I screamed and burst into tears. The cake was totally destroyed and Bella was sitting there looking at the ground knowing very well that she was in big, big trouble.”
In a desperate plea the bridesmaid and her partner frantically searched for a cake maker to whip something up to replace the crumbled mess. They eventually found someone to get them out of the mess. Well played Bella!
It probably seemed like a good idea at the time. But just…. no. A female bank robber thought she could fool everyone by drawing on a fake beard during a robbery. Hmm, guess she was wrong.
PSST Might come in handy where she is going though?
Oh bless, the Austrian Green Party are holding a special meeting for women. Yes they are. And guess what its about? They want to show women how to pee standing up so they can avoid sitting on dirty loos at music festivals and the likes. Hmm, seems to me this would create more of an unholy mess…. just saying.
If you are over 100 and still kind of active , I suggest you get registered for the World Masters Games. Seriously!!! A 101 year old Indian woman is cashing in on the fact she is the only one competing in the over 100s event. So far she has 17 gold medals to her name after winning the 100m sprint in New Zealand. She finished in 1 minute and 14.58 seconds. Putting that into perspective, it’s 1 minute 5 seconds slower than Usain Bolt. Just saying.
A Russian woman claims the reason she kaboomed a deer in her car was because she was being distracted by a sasquatch she spied in her rear view mirror. The woman told police the mythical creature was chasing a deer and when she took a glance in the mirror…. and then bang, she took out the deer.
OK, I’m not here to judge (lol) but way to go girl. A teen cancer patient had one of her bucket list wishes come true, She got to friggin taser someone. Woohoo, I would love to do that. The Newark police stepped up for the challenge and the teen got to zap a cop. The volunteer cop said “It is unpleasant to say the least, but if for five seconds if it makes somebody’s kind of dream come true, especially in her situation, I think it was well worth it,”
The Swedish labor union have just opened a hotline for frustrated women who can’t deal with ‘mansplaining’. Naw, Bless. Yep, evidently it is in epidemic proportions. For those of you unfamiliar with the word “mansplaining”, it is when a male is condescending to a female by over explaining something that the woman already understands.
PSST : Confession time, I’m a tad guilty in womansplaining when my partner decides to cook….just saying.
Honey, sweetie, darl, I hate to break it to you but she is NEVER coming. A love struck Dutchman had to be taken from the airport to a Chinese hospital suffering exhaustion after he waited 10 days in the airport lounge for his online girlfriend to rock up. Evidently she was a no-show because she thought he was joking. Anywho, it was always going to end badly, she wasn’t even there, she was away getting plastic surgery.
Somewhere out there is a would-be kidnapper hanging his head in shame. You had one job….kidnap an 8 year old. What happened? She kung fu-ed you into submission. Amateur. An 8 year old did the old pressure move on the neck of a man who had broken into her home and attempted to drag her downstairs. The little ninja told police she used the “the Cheetah Paw” on the intruder, a move she learnt at Kung Fu class. Meanwhile, police are looking for a man who the girl says “smelled like garbage.” So many levels of hurt.
Good news kitty lovers, Browser the White Settlement (hmm, nice racist sounding suburb) library cat has been reinstated. The cat, who lives at the city’s public library, had been given a 30 day move on order after a kerfuffle about an employee bringing a dog to work at City Hall. However, thanks to a global public backlash, Browser has been allowed to stay. No word on the mutt at City Hall.