I Can’t Stop Looking

Tell me it ain’t so? Justin Trudeau wears fake eyebrows. Apparently one fell off during a press conference at the G7. I just can’t deal. Dear lord, I will be Youtubing all night checking out his rogue brows.

 

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World

When You Should Have Been Sleeping With One Eye Open!

The last thing you expect to hear from your wife when you dig up a skull in your backyard is  ‘don’t worry – it’s my first husband’. The 60-year-old Russian woman had allegedly bumped him off 20 years ago with an axe. She then told her new hubby just to rebury the remains and forget about it. Luckily hubby thought better of it and contacted police. They found bones all through the veggie patch. She later said she killed him with an axe and chopped him into pieces after he came home drunk.

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Filed under Friggin Scary

Look. Up In The Sky. Is It A Turd?

You know what I hate? When it rains poo. You know what I really hate? When it rains poo while you have your sunroof open! Apparently, liquid sh#t fell from the sky over a town in British Columbia and straight onto a mother and son who were stopped at traffic lights. It took them a few seconds for the smell to hit them but then….grrrrr.  They believe the liquid poo that covered them and their car was from an airplane. Random people’s sh#t.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross

Snakes Alive

My greatest fear is that at some point wildlife will realise that if they join forces and attacked us collectively, we are screwed. Given that, a woman in India was bitten by some mean-ass snake in the middle of the night, while she was sleeping. When she woke up she began breastfeeding her baby before both became decidedly ill. Sadly they both died en route to the hospital. It is believed that the mother passed the poisonous venom through to her child via the breast milk. The family told authorities that they had seen the snake in the house but they didn’t manage to catch it.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Wildlife

Grateful?

OK loons, you know how I hate clowns and dolls and anything that could attack me in the middle of the night…well.Seems there is a new menace on the block that may keep us sleeping with one eye open at night…imaginary friends. Apparently, children have the ability to see things we don’t. Meet Ruby and her imaginary friend and see if you wouldn’t be Googling, local exorcist.

 

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary

Meet the Markles

Oh, how I love a family fur fight being played out in the media. It’s only been a few days but Meghan Markle’s half-sister Samantha has poked the lion (again). Using her fav form of attack, Twitter, she has given an expose on the mother of the bride during the Royal wedding…..’She looked more like the hockey player in the penalty box.’ Ouch, burn. But our favourite 15 minuter hadn’t quite finished…’The Givenchy was beautiful but I would have put her in a hockey uniform.’ The half-sister is also pissed their family won’t be allowed to use Meghan’s coat of arms. She feels the Royals are no better than them…’You’ve got inbreeding, you’ve got substance abuse, you’ve got alcohol abuse, you’ve got infidelity.’ Oh bless, there goes any chance at a Christmas invite at Balmoral…just saying.

PSST Hands up who would love to see Samantha cop an invite and be seated next to Prince Phillip? Oh pleeeease!!!

2nd PSST Why hasn’t anyone signed the Dooley-Markles to a reality show yet?

 

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Filed under They Live Among Us !, You Go Girl!

Fairytale Over

Now that all the Royal Wedding fanfare is coming to a close I wonder if the Duchess of Sussex fully understands what she really got herself into? Sure the press will love her, especially if her blood relatives continue to provide headline grabbers, BUT they are fickle and can turn on her like a dime. She ain’t in Kansas anymore. Sure she is used to the press, but not the British Press, they are unrelenting.

She will only ever find herself going down the rung, especially if Kate decides to have a few more children. She will have to curtsey for the rest of her life to everyone above the rungs. That will include the Queen, Kate, Beatrice and Eugenie. This is where her acting skills will come in handy.

Any thoughts on having a political voice will be quickly quashed. The Royal Family pride themselves on being neutral. Silence is the best policy. The Royal Family might be England’s best tourist attraction but it is largely taxpayer-funded so scrutiny is dodged at all costs. So all her rah-rah about “social justice” and “charity work” will be downplayed.

If she thinks Prince William will speed up change…think again. Prince William has been carefully groomed for the role of King, he will not jeopardize this responsibility. Given that Charles has been waiting his whole life to be King, he won’t be stepping down from that role anytime soon when he is crowned. Charles is a stickler for tradition. So any thoughts that the young heirs will change the medieval/sexists traditions is purely a Royal spin. They have only ever been used by the Firm to shine a golden glow over the out of touch monarchs. It could be a good 20 years before Prince William takes the reign, and by then he will be middle-aged.

As for her freedom…bye-bye to that, she is now owned by the firm, no selfies, no autographs, no revealing dresses, no outings to the 7-Eleven without security and absolutely no stepping into the spotlight without permission. Reality is a bitch.

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Filed under You Go Girl!