Tag Archives: 8 year old

Take That!

Somewhere out there is a would-be kidnapper hanging his head in shame. You had one job….kidnap an 8 year old. What happened? She kung fu-ed you into submission. Amateur. An 8 year old did the old pressure move on the neck of a man who had broken into her home and attempted to drag her downstairs. The little ninja told police she used the “the Cheetah Paw” on the intruder, a move she learnt at Kung Fu class. Meanwhile, police are looking for a man who the girl says “smelled like garbage.” So many levels of hurt.

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Filed under That's Gotta Hurt, Well I Never, You Go Girl!

Child Suspended Over Bad Odor

Child suspended from school because she stinksA kid in Tennessee has missed over three weeks of school due to suspensions because she stinks. Hey, don’t shoot the messenger, that’s what school officials are saying. The 8 year old evidently ponks so badly that the students and her teacher can’t focus when she’s in class. Despite her mother claiming the girl takes good care of herself the school says she sleeps in her clothes and can’t remember the last time she had a bath or brushed her teeth. Um, hello, rather than play the blame game maybe the school and mother should come up with a solution.

Want sauce with that?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

More Than A Dollar Worth Of Spanking

Boy gets spanked by Dollar General employerA Dollar General employee who got all whipass on some 8 year old kid, by hitting him 25 times with a belt, has been arrested, charged with aggravated assault  and sacked. The kid had allegedly been running around the store when confronted by the clerk but things got ugly when the kid threw a cookie at her. She slipped off her belt and began whipping him with it. The boy told police “when she stopped whipping me my pants were actually a little bit warm.”

Want sauce with that?

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Filed under Sore Loser, That's Gotta Hurt, Well I Never

Crime That Shooked A City

A nightmare no parent should ever have to face. The disappearance of 8 year old Leiby Kletzky from a day camp in Brooklyn has turned into a murder investigation after a suspect, Levi Aron, allegedly confessed to the murder and then showed police the butchered remains. Leiby had vanished  after leaving the Yeshiba Boyan School and was last scene talking with a man. Sadly, his mother was only a few streets away waiting for him. When detectives came a knocking on Aron’s door they were horrified to learn that not only had Aron murdered the child he had used three carving knives to cut up the body. Some of the remains were in Aron’s freezer while the rest was in a dumpster. It is unclear of the motive and appears it may have been a random act. RIP Leiby Kletzky.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

Look At My New Toy Mom!

An 8 year old brings a loaded gun to his Queens elementary school and sells it to his classmate for $3….priceless. The incident was uncovered when the second boy showed his bargain to his mom when he got home. School officials in Flushing contacted police after one very angry mom rocked up with a “please friggin explain”. Both the little kid and his dad (who owned the Taurus 9 mm) were promptly arrested.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Whoops!

To Pepper Spray Or Not To Pepper Spray

Picture this, an 8 year old chucks a friggin temper tantrum in a classroom at Glennon Heights Elementary in Colorado, spitting at teachers and breaking off wood trim and trying to stab them with it. Aidan, the snowflake in question, allegedly then armed himself with a sharpened stick and began screaming ‘Get away from me you fuckers.’ Enter police. They ordered Aidan to drop the stick but when he refused they pepper spray him, not once but twice, before handcuffing him. In the mean time the teacher’s filed out of their barricaded room. Later Aidan told police “I wanted to make something sharp if they came out because I was so mad at them. I was going to try to whack them with it.” Hmm, Aidan’s mother believes the police’s action was excessive.

Psst What happened to good old fashion tasering?

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Filed under I'm Just Saying !, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never

And The Lesson Today

Dear parents, if your child happens to be behaving rather oddly of late we fear he/she may have tried a small bag of white powder handed out by a third grader. Sorry for any inconvenience. An 8 year old at Turner Elementary School in Pittsburgh has had around 60 small bags, of what is feared to be heroin, confiscated by police after he was allegedly caught handing them out to students. The substance is currently being tested. Letters have been sent to parents explaining the situation. Hmm, good luck with that!

1 Comment

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never