Tag Archives: 999

Call of Duty

911A big shout out to the two Manchester police officers who responded to a 999 call. The call was made by an elderly couple who told the dispatcher they were lonely. The two cops didn’t hesitate in driving to the 95 year olds’ house and sitting down to have a cuppa and chat with them. “We’ve got to look after people as well, it’s not just fighting crime, it’s protecting people in whatever situation they find themselves”

Meanwhile in Florida a woman rang 911 asking if it was possible for someone to buy her some chicken wings and ciggies because she was too drunk to drive.


Filed under Well I Never

Damn Straight It’s An Emergency

Man rings 999 after finding cork bits in his wineHello, is that 999? Yeah well, I want to complain that there is bits of cork in my wine and the bar won’t refund my money.

Psst From a restaurant in Manchester.


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

Another Useless Emergency Call

Useless 999 callA rather peeved Scottish man rang 999 (911 equivilent) claiming that the staff at an Edinburgh McDonalds store had ignored him, so he had jumped into his car , driven to the drive-thru window and proceeded to hold up the queue. Needless to say the dispatcher asked him for a McFeast and fries. OK, no she didn’t.


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World

Five Year Old In Cardiac Arrest Turns Out To Be a Friggin Cat!

OK people, one more time, 000, 999 and 911 are for “human” emergencies ONLY. British ambulance officers were stunned when they raced to an emergency call to save a “five year old” in cardiac arrest, only to discover the patient was a friggin cat. OK, sure, a much loved cat, but a friggin cat. The dispatcher received the call from a distressed couple who were begging for someone to revive their 5 year old. Not only was an ambulance called but also a rapid reponse car. When they arrived they found the couple in tears cradling their moggy (which later died). One of the paramedics was heard muttering “I’ve gone to some silly calls but nothing like this. I can’t understand why they didn’t try to call a vet.”


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Sore Loser, Thanks For Nothing, Whoops!

Merry Christmas 999

Attention time wasting 999 callers, the Hertfordshire police have had enough. Please don’t ring unless you have a friggin emergency….

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Melting Moment

A woman in Chatham rang 999 (911 equivalent) after she discovered her snowman was missing from her front yard. No loons, not an ornament, a snowman made from friggin snow.  She told police  “I thought that with it being icy and there not being anyone about he’d be safe”. Hmm, obviously not, the sun can be a bitch!



Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Dumbass, Well I Never

She Wouldn’t Move

A haulage boss ran over his jealous wife with a 26 ton truck and then rang 999 telling the dispatcher ‘I thought she would f***ing move out of the way, but she didn’t.’ The couple, who were both drunk  skunks, had been arguing at the time of the incident. Graeme Lamb is currently facing manslaughter charges in Newcastle, England


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Whoops!

Dumbass 999 Callers

And you only thought only America has dumbass 911 callers! A woman in the UK rang 999 (the equivalent) to tell police her cat was “doing her head in” because it wouldn’t stop playing with a piece of string. Another caller said they were stuck on a patch of ice on a street and were too afraid to move. See!


Filed under Friggin Dumbass, Friggin Hilarious, Well I Never

Dumbass Robber Of The Year

No seriously people, this would have to be the dumbass robber of the year. Picture this, a guy walks into a Southern Fried Chicken branch in Essex branding an airgun, he threatens staff but gets the munchies when he smells the chicken. So in addition to asking for money he also asked the petrified staff  to “Give me one of those Hunga Busta Meals too.” He then proceeds to sit down and eat it for 20 friggin minutes. Long enough for staff to ring 999 and call the cops. It was so surreal staff thought it was some  stupid TV prank. Dumbass has been charged with goddam everything….and I hope it includes the cost of the Hunga Busta Meals too.


Filed under Friggin Dumbass, Friggin Hilarious, Sore Loser