Look. Up In The Sky. Is It A Turd?

You know what I hate? When it rains poo. You know what I really hate? When it rains poo while you have your sunroof open! Apparently, liquid sh#t fell from the sky over a town in British Columbia and straight onto a mother and son who were stopped at traffic lights. It took them a few seconds for the smell to hit them but then….grrrrr.  They believe the liquid poo that covered them and their car was from an airplane. Random people’s sh#t.

Airline Failure

You have a uber time in Hawaii, you get on plane, find your seat and get ready to make yourself comfortable when you reach for the blanket in the seat back pocket and then ….. oh …ewh… WTF? A couple on a United Airlines flight were more than just horrified when they discovered that a sick bag full of vomit had been wrapped in a blanket and put in their seat pocket. When they handed it to the flight attendant the vomit spilled on them. Despite being offered different seats they spent the entire flight smelling of someone else’s upchuck.  Oh dear lord, I think I would want to pass on the inflight meal. The airline apologised on behalf of the lazy bastards who failed to clean the plane prior to take-off.

Look. Up in the Sky. It’s …. Run

Two families in Ontario suspect passing airplanes have been dropping crap on their properties and by crap I mean poop. The families say that their cars and driveways where splattered with petrid smelling feces which could have only come from above….. from either a plane or a “pterodactyl”. Airport authorities say samples have been analysed and it definitely ain’t their shit.

Man Slaps Toddler On Plane

ouch!

I know screaming kids on  planes are worse than snakes but mister there is no need to tell the mother of a toddler to  “shut that ni**er baby up,” and then slap the kid. Just saying. Evidently the 19 month old let rip (which on occasions I have been known to do – ears, my goddam ears) as the plane began its decent to Atlanta. The man seated next to the mother began getting agitated by the crying ,flew into a racist rant and then leaned across and slapped him with an open hand. Yep, that’s an assault charge right there. Hmm and here I thought they stopped allowing nuts on planes.

Psst Lucky the toddler wasn’t kicking the back of his chair or it might have been a blood bath.

Jets Scrambled For Sex Romp in Airplane Toilet

Umm, about that air emergency over Detroit, seems a couple were bonking in the toilets. As you were F-16 fighter jets, as you were. The pilot wasn’t taking any chances when crew notified him that three passengers were going back and forth to the toilet. Two fighter jets were scrambled and the plane was escorted to Detroit Airport.  When the plane landed the couple were still in the toilet.

Psst 9/11…really????

 

You Might Want Better Aim?

Oh look, they're waving at us?

Hmm, I’m not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. South Korean marine Corps troops opened fire for 10 minutes on a suspicious aircraft flying near the border they share with North Korea thinking it was one of those communist bastard jet fighters belonging to Kim Jong Il. Turns out it was a South Korean commercial aircraft with 119 people on board. The worrying thing is they fired at the aircraft for 10 minutes and still managed to miss it.

Nearly Dropped a Load!

OMG, when white dust suddenly appeared in an Alaska Airline flight  lavatory  everybody panicked.  Hello, anthrax or a bomb people because every terrorist thinks “Alaska’ when plotting to kaboom something.  Enter fire department and hazardous materials experts who determined the substance was in fact…wait for it…toilet paper. Sheez, I bet all 151 passengers who were delayed were relieved!

Want sauce with that?