Tag Archives: American Airlines

Pilot, Can You Deploy The Air Mask

My actual worst nightmare, sitting next to someone with BO. Apparently, I am not alone. This week a couple were removed from an American Airlines flight because several passengers complained about their chronic body odor. Just so awks. I can remember many moons ago walking into a cloud of BO in an aisle of a supermarket. It was so thick and putrid that the stench cloud engulfed me and then held me hostage. It even infiltrated my clothes and HAIR. I can remember gagging and as customers walked by they gave me side-eye as if it was me. The trauma was real.

PSST Just a little side note, the couple were so stunned they asked people in the terminal to have a whiff. According to them, they didn’t smell so bad.

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Filed under That's Gotta Hurt, Well I Never

The Loon Is Back…Just!

airport scanner 2The Loon was 5 minutes from being stranded in the US but thanks to a very persistent American Airlines pilot I was able to get home. It started on the Baltimore tarmac. We were lined up on the runway, the very next to take off, when the pilot announced that Fort Worth Airport  had just closed due to thunder storms. For two hours we all sat in the plane on the tarmac, while other planes took off around us. Evidently in the US you can’t go back to the gate until you have sat on the tarmac for 2 hours. My connecting flight was due to take off in three hours. The pilot, who was trying desperately to get us to Dallas, then announced that we would be taking off in 20 minutes.

Forty minutes went by, when a very angry pilot announced that the airport had reopened but the air traffic controllers had told him the plane would have to take an alternative route. A route that was impossible because the plane didn’t have enough fuel to reach the destination. I think his words were “incompetent idiots”.

Another 10 minutes went by and the pilot announced that he was given two options, either fly the route given by removing 55 passengers or fly to Houston and refuel before flying on to Dallas. He was so pissed by then he decided to take the plane back to the gate (which he was now legally allowed to do) and stormed off the plane to sort it out personally (as we sat like fools nursing our deep vein thrombosis).

Another 10 minutes went by when a still very angry pilot returned saying he couldn’t get them to understand logic so we were flying to Houston. However, before we took off the pilot programmed several routes into the plane data just in case they came to their senses while we were in mid air. Smart little cookie, as 30 minutes into the flight he announced we could now fly directly to Fort Worth. A choice set of words were then muttered by the pilot, to which he received a rousing round of applause. We had boarded the plane at 3.45pm (for a 2 hour flight)  and we touched down  at 9.45pm.

My connecting flight (an international flight) was due to leave at 9.55pm. This did not look good. When we exited the aircraft a rather enormous effeminate young man in trackie daks with a Qantas paddle  screamed for the 7 passengers on the Qantas flight to run with him (think Cam from Modern Family) . He took off like Usain Bolt while we all trudged behind carrying our hand luggage and desperately searching for our passports. How the hell were we going to get through customs and security?

Onto a transit train we hopped with the sweating , puffing Qantas paddleman screaming through his walkie talkie to hold the plane. He kept muttering to himself , they aren’t going to hold it, they aren’t going to hold it, as sweat dripped from his forehead. We had four stops to go. When the doors finally opened his voice went another octave higher as he screamed “run, if they see you they can’t take off”.  Off he waddled waving his paddle and screaming to us move it people. I have no idea how we got on the plane without going through customs but we boarded with seconds to spare . The plane was half empty. Evidently, we were the only flight that had made it into Fort Worth/Dallas that night and the Qantas flight was the only one to leave.

So to the pilot of American Airlines and the effeminate young man with the Qantas paddle, you are both legends.



Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

Rats On Planes?

Flight attendant accused of smuggling pet rats on planesHell no. A trolley dolly for  American Airlines is suing her co workers after they accused her of sneaking her pet rats onto planes by hiding them in her pantyhose and underwear. After she was dobbed in, her passport was flagged for over a year forcing her to go through extra security. Her lawyer said . “She’s not a nut. They’re making her out to be a nut.” She is adamant she never brought her rodents to work.


Filed under Friggin Wildlife, Well I Never

Sick Bag Warning

You expect me to clean it up?

OMG, ewh, ewh, ewh. Note to self, never ever touch the sick bags on airplanes. A woman, who happened to be a doctor, grabbed the sick bag while on an American Airlines flight to put a used tissue in it but got more than she bargained for when she placed her hand in it. Urgh, her hand came out covered with someone else’s blood and mucus. There’s a little upchuck right there. In her panic she flung the bag on the floor only to have the blood splat on the side of the plane. Despite asking the airline to have the contents of the bag tested she claims they didn’t so she paid to have a blood test herself. Anywho, the airline has apologised saying the crew some times doesn’t clean  between flights. Good to know!


Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross, I'm Just Saying !, Whoops!

That’s An Expensive Trip!

Excuse me Captain why are there two fighter jets at my window? Hmm, who was playing with the cockpit transponder frequency ? Fighter Jets were scrambled after they were  notified of a possible hijacking of an American Airlines after a cockpit hijacking alarm was tripped. The Boeing 737 with 154 people aboard was escorted to a remote area of the Miami International before being cleared.You wouldn’t think it would be that easy to trip the switch!

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Filed under How Embarrassing, Whoops!

Debauchery on the Airlines

Lucky my right hand doesn't know what my left hand is doing?

Lucky my right hand doesn't know what my left hand is doing!

The flying kangaroo has decided to flick plans for allowing internet access on flights for the time being. Qantas fears it will go down the same path as American Airlines who evidently allow porn. OK, they don’t allow it, but passengers are using the service to get it (better in flight service I guess). This bad, bad, naughty boy behavior has horrified some passengers and flight attendants but evidently not enough to provide friggin porn filtering software?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Wrong, Whoops!