Tag Archives: anus

Not A Good Day

You know your life has taken a turn for the worst when you’re arrested for second degree murder after fleeing a house naked with a bag of cocaine hanging out of your butt. Ain’t that the truth  Jamie Coleman? I’m just saying!

Want sauce with that?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

It’s Not Size But Length That Matters

Sorry hon, my balls are too close to my butt hole

Hey guys, if the distance from your anus to your balls is shorter than 2 inches (5.2cm) you’re more likely to be infertile. It’s true, for goodness sakes, I read it in Reuters (they wouldn’t make this shit up!)  The measurement is known as anogenital distance (AGD) and the shorter the distance the lower the sperm count. That got ya reaching for your rulers, now didn’t it?  Hmm, OK, so now what?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

A Very Happy ENDING!

Here’s a story to warm the cockles of your heart. A man in China has finally been given an artificial anus after 55 years of squeezing his stools out of a 0.5 cm surgical hole near his urethra. Wu, a farmer, who was born without an anus had to spend his whole life being careful of what he ate to avoid constipation! Ewh, ouch!   Recently, after his financial situation improved, he sort medical help and three days later he was shitting like there was no tomorrow.

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Filed under Friggin Awesome, I'm Just Saying !

Daddy Dearest

Regrets, he had a few!

OK, here’s the thing Donald Curtis Denney, plotting to smuggle a chunk of black tar heroin to your son in prison was never going to work, especially after the two of you discussed it over friggin monitored telephones for two months. OK Loons, you may upchuck a little after you hear what the two schemed, so be warned. Denney was going to shove the golf sized black tar heroin up his butt and then he was going to pass it to his son (the hard hat bandit) via a mouth to mouth kiss during a visit (nasty). Fortunately he was arrested at the Colorado prison before the tonguey.

Psst Damn! I would have made him exchange the heroin before  arresting him.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Dumbass, Friggin Gross, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never

Didn’t Have Any Pockets Then?

Nicholas Ryan Harris was using his butt as a wallet according to Florida police. Following his arrest for drug possession a mandatory strip search revealed he had $45 up his anus. It fell out during the search! Pity the fool who gets one of those bills when it recirculates!

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Filed under Friggin Dumbass, Friggin Gross, Well I Never, Whoops!

Pain In The Ass

Oh for goodness sakes , seems a live eel got a little too up close and personal with a fishmonger’s bottom after  he fell into a tank. Li Chang from China got a nasty surprise when a zesty eel as “wide as two fingers and as long as a man’s arm” slithered up his butt while in the tank. Poor Mr Chang was so embarrassed he dried off and continued working despite the creature still stuck in his bottom. Eventually he rang an ambulance after the pain became unbearable. Doctors were able to remove the eel and repair the internal damage created by the creature.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, That's Gotta Hurt, Well I Never, Whoops!

Oh No, Not The Hot Sauce Bottle!

Oh for goodness sakes, an inmate at the Noble Correctional Facility in Caldwell (Ohio) has had to have surgery to remove a hot-sauce bottle from his butt. OK, OK, I know what you are thinking, he picked up the soap! But No. Evidently, despite originally claiming he had been assaulted in a shower he later retracted the story and said he had done it himself. Oh dear, apparently he was using the bottle as a sex device before it became stuck. There’s a nice medical bill for the taxpayers.

Psst I hope he left the lid on, otherwise extra ouch!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Dumbass, How Embarrassing, Sore Loser, That's Gotta Hurt, Whoops!