OK, OK, after some nudge, nudge, wink, wink from Duncan (aka Madfrigginhatter), I will mention the sorry tale of Gareth Durrant. Seriously, it’s a sad tale of woe. Some how, the poor electrician accidentally inflated his stomach after compressed air, from a power tool he was using, blew up his butt. Yes, butt!!! No loons, don’t ask me how that happened,something about the hose breaking and going up his shorts. Whatever, all I know is his tummy blew up like a friggin balloon . Evidently, the blast was so powerful it tore his bowel and severely damaged his intestines.
Want see what compressed air can do to your tummy? Click here.
Oh for the love of god Robert Livingstone, did you have to hide the $300,000 worth of jewelry up your butt? Sheez, now no one is going to want to buy them! When Livingstone nicked the gems from a display cabinet at the Burswood Casino in Perth, Western Australia, he allegedly sprinted off to a public toilet and began hiding it up his ass. When police found him in the loo they did a strip search and viola, they discovered more than just the family jewels. The fool was later taken to Royal Perth hospital for an internal search.
Nicholas Ryan Harris was using his butt as a wallet according to Florida police. Following his arrest for drug possession a mandatory strip search revealed he had $45 up his anus. It fell out during the search! Pity the fool who gets one of those bills when it recirculates!
OK, here’s the thing bum wiping Frenchman, thanks to you, France has introduced a new law to stop people degrading or destroying their flag! Sheez! It all began after a photograph of a man wiping his butt with the tricolor won a photo contest. What first was considered a work of art quickly became a “unacceptable act” . Now there will be a €1500 for anyone who so much as snickers at the French flag in public or in private.
OMG, Huang Chen, a 19 year old student rocks up at the Hunan Hangtian Hospital in Changsha, China drunk as a skunk, complaining about a pain in his ass. As Chen is being examined he rolls over in bed and suddenly the channel changes on the ward TV. After X-Rays are completed, doctors are stunned to discover that the reason for his pain is a remote control lodged up his butt. Hmm, seems his roomies thought it would be funny to stick it up his ass as he lay collapsed on the floor. Unfrigginlucky. See people, binge drinking can leave you legless and a right pain in the ass. Oh and worst of all, remote control-less.
Psst I don’t know Loons, those X-rays don’t look right to me. Did they shove or shoot that remote up his colon?
That has got to hurt!
Ewh ouch, Rance Johnson wont be inserting another homemade knife up his ass again anytime soon! The prisoner at the Merced County Main jail had to have the thing surgically removed after complaining of extreme pain in his rectum. The fool had it stuck in his bum for three weeks before telling someone. Known in prison terms as a “shank”, Johnson said he found the 5 inch plastic knife in an interview room and didn’t have a clue what it was but still wedged it up his ass to smuggle it out. I know what you are thinking, ewh gross he didn’t even know where it had been. Well don’t fret loons, he said he wrapped it inside tissue paper and a sandwich bag before he inserted it. Geez, those interview room have everything!