Tag Archives: assault

McUnhappy Meal

Seal burgerI’m guessing the worse thing about assaulting your wife with a McChicken burger is that it will be on your permanent record. The Des Moine dude claimed he chucked the offending burger at his pregnant wife because he hates them. Hmm, but when police arrived at their house the wife , who was covered in mayonnaise, claimed her hubby had smashed it in her face.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Thanks For Nothing

Ken, Is That You?

coughOK, I’m not sure I can even picture this. A barefoot man dressed as Barbie allegedly tried to sexually assault a woman in a retail store bathroom. The man in the Barbie doll costume squeezed under the locked stall door and grabbed the woman, who somehow managed to flee the loo. Damn, where is GI Joe when you need him?

Psst Seriously, do they even make Barbie Doll costumes for men?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World

Hubby Assaulted With Toast And Butter

cave womanA British woman is going on trial after she assaulted her hubby with toast and butter. Seems her hubby wasn’t helping out with the chores so, after brooding about it overnight, she threw toast at him. He didn’t react so she grabbed a handful of butter and rubbed it in his face. Well, yes, that got a response … from police. What a jam!!!

Psst I bet the dishes will be piled up in the sink when she gets home…just saying.

Want sauce with that?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

Assault With A Deadly Twig

No, not the twigs!!!!

No, not the twigs!!!!

Oh for crying out loud, a man has been fined for assaulting the landlord of a pub with a bundle of twigs. Yes, you heard me, twigs. The landlord said “It just happened so quickly. I thought it was a weapon coming up to my face. I think he had around 10 or 12 twigs.” That’s a 400 pound fine right there.

Psst UK

Want sauce with that?

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Filed under That's Gotta Hurt, Well I Never

Honey, Have You Seen My ….

When a woman’s girlfriend couldn’t find her detachable latex penis on Thanksgiving Day she got planked…with an ironing board. That’s an assault charge right there missy!!!

Want sauce with that?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, That's Gotta Hurt

Assault With A Penis

Oh my, a 62 year old man from the US has been jailed for 5 days after he assaulted his estranged wife with his penis. Seems when she declined the $20 he offered to have sex with her , he whipped it out and whacked her with it. Seriously, how big was it? Hmm, it isn’t like it was assault with a deadly weapon.

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Filed under Friggin Hilarious, Well I Never

Sorry Missy, But You’re To Blame

Oh bless, Judge Jacqueline Hatch is obviously  not a fan of The Accused. The Arizona judge told a woman who was indecently assaulted by an off duty cop that it was her fault for being at the bar. Yes indeedy, Judge Hatch said at the sentencing hearing ‘if you wouldn’t have been there that night, none of this would have happened to you,’. The policeman, who walked up behind the woman and put his hands up her skirt before groping her, was given two years probation. Meanwhile the judge is frantically back peddling her comments after social media got wind of it and are petitioning for her resignation. Hmm, because lets face it, if she hadn’t gone to work none of this would have been reported.

Psst The judge is a Republican.  OK, I threw that in to see if I would get a bite!!!!

Want sauce with that?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

Leaf me Alone

When a woman in Tennessee saw a man with a leaf blower blowing grass cuttings onto her car she was furious. She was even more so when she confronted him and he raised the running blower at her “in an offensive and provocative manner” sending dirt and debris into her face. Hmm, that’s a simple assault charge right there!

9 Comments

Filed under Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never

Who’s a Naughty Pig Then?

I didn’t mean it!!!

Oh my, when Kiwi Phillip Russell found his wife’s pet pig had damaged his power saw, he went ballistic. He stormed off, found the missus,  spat at her , then  hurled an ostrich egg at her chest which she failed to catch. The thing was, her friggin pet pig had been reaping havoc in the community, damaging not only the neighbor’s property but the council’s too. And this was despite his numerous attempts at getting her to keep the pig under control. Eh bro, that’s like six months jail for assault using an ostrich egg as a weapon.

Psst No, ostrich eggs aren’t common in New Zealand.

2nd Psst In his defense Mr Russell said he thought his wife would catch the egg.

3rd Psst Thanks Fairy Face for the heads up.

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Filed under Friggin Hilarious, Friggin Wildlife, That's Gotta Hurt, Well I Never

Warning To Slow Moving Cyclists

It seems when it comes to slow moving men on push bikes on  small country lanes, Gloucestershire women in Lycra have very little tolerance, especially when stuck behind them in their cars. The fact that she was able to jog up to the fool and lay in to him, indicates he was going at a snail’s pace and probably deserved a little tongue whipping. Unfortunately the Gloucestershire police don’t seem to see it the same way and are wanting the pair to come forward. I’m guessing the kung fu kicking and slapping went a little too far!

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Filed under That's Gotta Hurt, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never