Tag Archives: assault

McUnhappy Meal

Seal burgerI’m guessing the worse thing about assaulting your wife with a McChicken burger is that it will be on your permanent record. The Des Moine dude claimed he chucked the offending burger at his pregnant wife because he hates them. Hmm, but when police arrived at their house the wife , who was covered in mayonnaise, claimed her hubby had smashed it in her face.

4 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Thanks For Nothing

Ken, Is That You?

coughOK, I’m not sure I can even picture this. A barefoot man dressed as Barbie allegedly tried to sexually assault a woman in a retail store bathroom. The man in the Barbie doll costume squeezed under the locked stall door and grabbed the woman, who somehow managed to flee the loo. Damn, where is GI Joe when you need him?

Psst Seriously, do they even make Barbie Doll costumes for men?

7 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World

Hubby Assaulted With Toast And Butter

cave womanA British woman is going on trial after she assaulted her hubby with toast and butter. Seems her hubby wasn’t helping out with the chores so, after brooding about it overnight, she threw toast at him. He didn’t react so she grabbed a handful of butter and rubbed it in his face. Well, yes, that got a response … from police. What a jam!!!

Psst I bet the dishes will be piled up in the sink when she gets home…just saying.

Want sauce with that?

4 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

Assault With A Deadly Twig

No, not the twigs!!!!

No, not the twigs!!!!

Oh for crying out loud, a man has been fined for assaulting the landlord of a pub with a bundle of twigs. Yes, you heard me, twigs. The landlord said “It just happened so quickly. I thought it was a weapon coming up to my face. I think he had around 10 or 12 twigs.” That’s a 400 pound fine right there.

Psst UK

Want sauce with that?

8 Comments

Filed under That's Gotta Hurt, Well I Never

Honey, Have You Seen My ….

When a woman’s girlfriend couldn’t find her detachable latex penis on Thanksgiving Day she got planked…with an ironing board. That’s an assault charge right there missy!!!

Want sauce with that?

5 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, That's Gotta Hurt

Assault With A Penis

Oh my, a 62 year old man from the US has been jailed for 5 days after he assaulted his estranged wife with his penis. Seems when she declined the $20 he offered to have sex with her , he whipped it out and whacked her with it. Seriously, how big was it? Hmm, it isn’t like it was assault with a deadly weapon.

12 Comments

Filed under Friggin Hilarious, Well I Never

Sorry Missy, But You’re To Blame

Oh bless, Judge Jacqueline Hatch is obviously  not a fan of The Accused. The Arizona judge told a woman who was indecently assaulted by an off duty cop that it was her fault for being at the bar. Yes indeedy, Judge Hatch said at the sentencing hearing ‘if you wouldn’t have been there that night, none of this would have happened to you,’. The policeman, who walked up behind the woman and put his hands up her skirt before groping her, was given two years probation. Meanwhile the judge is frantically back peddling her comments after social media got wind of it and are petitioning for her resignation. Hmm, because lets face it, if she hadn’t gone to work none of this would have been reported.

Psst The judge is a Republican.  OK, I threw that in to see if I would get a bite!!!!

Want sauce with that?

6 Comments

Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never