Dude, Where’s My Garlic Knot?

A pizza delivery guy is recovering after a customer punched him fair in the face after he forgot his garlic knots. There’s a lesson in that!

Psst Florida

I’m French, F*** You

French? Well, now you're fucked!

OK, one more time people, even if you are French you can’t smoke on a friggin airplane. Franck Lebrun was allegedly caught smoking in a toilet during a flight from Nice to New York. When a Delta Airlines flight attendant and crew member suspected Lebrun had been puffing in the loo they confronted him and told him don’t friggin do it. Later, when seen heading to the toilets again they warned him once more. In response he pushed around a  female flight attendant. Enter federal air marshals who ordered him back to his seat.  After getting more aggressive he was handcuffed and moved to the rear of the plane where he yelled at the passengers “I’m French, fuck you!”

Want sauce with that?

Carl Williams Is Dead

They got ya!

Geez, there will be quite a few people lined up  for Carl Williams at the Pearly Gates. It is believed the man who ran and terrorized Melbourne’s underworld and inspired the Underbelly series has died of an apparent heart attack after being bashed by fellow inmates. News is sketchy at the moment and his death has yet to be confirmed but is believed the Barwon prisoner was in fact Williams. The  victim suffered head injuries and then went into cardiac arrest soon after. Williams was serving a 35 year prison sentence for several murders and was a key figure in Melbourne’s gangland wars which saw 30 people lose their lives. Stay tuned…

UPDATE Carl Williams is official dead and so too a chapter in Melbourne’s dark underworld history. Williams died from head injuries sustained in an attack. Ironically Williams’ dad is set to be released on parole in three week (3 years early) for good behaviour. He was serving time for drug trafficking. Hmm, now he can attend the funeral. No word yet on who the attackers were but it’s believed to be  two inmates who were sharing the exercise yard with him. A prison guard was reportedly 10 m away. The stem of an exercise bike was believed to be the murder weapon . Ex wife, Roberta Williams is currently on her way to the prison and presumably the morgue.

Psst Williams death comes a day after the Herald Sun revealed Victorian police had paid $8,000 for the private school fees of  Mr Williams’ daughter. Can you hear the sounds of police corruption Fernando?

You’re Blocking My View

Guess who just got erased from Santa’s list this year? Jacoby Laquan Smith that’s who. The dude allegedly beat up a quadruple amputee because she was blocking his view of the TV.Yes, he threw his roomie, who has all four of her limbs amputated, out of her wheelchair onto the floor and then punched her over ten times for getting in the way. Charming! It was only after she convinced him they needed ice for her face was she able to get a gas station attendant to ring 911. Mr Smith fled the scene and has yet to be caught.

Why You Should Always Tip Pizza Delivery Guys

That's gratuity for ya!

When will pizza delivery dudes learn ? Jonathan Kroning got punched in the face after he delivered a Meat Lover’s pizza to Shaver McNeil. It all started off pretty civil until Kroning was denied a tip. Come on people you gotta tip the pizza guy. So anywho, Kroning took the money for the pizza and didn’t say so much as thanks. That’s when things got ugly. McNeil’s wife then yelled out the door you could be more polite, to which Kroning responded that cheerfulness is related to gratuity (but probably not in those words).Wife then responded that she doesn’t care about tipping, Kroning then says he doesn’t care about her (again probably not in those words). That’s when Shaver McNeil steps in. He allegedly goes to Kronings car and complains the pizza is cold and demands he take it back before a) he shoves it through the car window (Kroning version) or B) Kroning knocks the pizza over (wife’s version). Either way Kroning gets “sucker” punched in the face resulting in a an orbital fracture under his eye. He gives Shaver McNeil his money back and drives back to Pizza Hut, where they call the police. In the meantime the wife has rung the establishment demanding Kroning be sacked. Shaver McNeil is currently in jail with bail set at $10,000.

All He Wants For Christmas Is Her Two Front Teeth

So, tell me where did you get those two new teeth from?

Hey lady, what nice teeth you have? All the better to punch your friggin lights outs and steal them! Elena Aronson from Berkeley was riding on a Muni bus when a crazy dude sat next to her staring and muttering things about how beautiful her teeth were… “like the moon and the stars”. Aronson soon decided she’d had enough of his crap and got off the bus only to find herself a few minutes later being picked up off the pavement minus her two front teeth. Story gets a tad worse, by the time her memory of the incident came back (few weeks) police weren’t taking her story too seriously. Crazy deranged man 1, Lady with dentures 0.