While the entire world is enjoying the World Cup, please spare a thought for Australia. The Free To Air television station (who had exclusive rights to all of the matches) on-sold the rights to a telco to stream over half of the matches (for a fee). Unfortunately, the telco has been unable to deliver live streams of any of the games thus far. For three nights Australians have been reading Twitter feeds and news updates to get information about the matches. Australia has been losing their collective minds!
Apparently, Australia has only 30 days of liquid fuel left. Yes, you heard me, Australia has just 22 days of crude oil, 59 days of LPG, 20 days of petrol, 19 days of aviation fuel and 21 days of diesel remaining. How could this be happening? Seems our government have taken their eye off the ball and don’t have a plan B when it comes to surplus fuel. The US strike on Syria and Middle East unrest haven’t helped. Australia relies on the Middle East for 91% of its transport fuel which basically means I will need to start pumping up my bike tyres.
Move over Superman, there is a new superhero in Australia. Faster than a speeding car, more powerful than a full strength, able to leap tall curbs in a single bound…it’s Demerit Man. Disguised as the mild mannered bogan of Tamworth, the dude wearing a VB beer carton on his head, covers the speed camera with a tea towel, saving the unsuspecting motorists from a certain fine. Well done Demerit Man. Thank you for using your amazing powers in a never ending battle for truth and justice.
Move over Chuck Norris we have a new macho man. Introducing Jim, the 73 year old Aussie farmer who flew over the handbars of his motorcycle while checking his crop. When he tried to get up he realised his head wouldn’t stay up. No probs. Jim, with his floppy head, got back on his motorcycle and kept his head up by holding his hair. He made it home and called an ambulance. And that my friends is how you become a bloody legend in Oz.
PSST Jim fractured the first two vertabrae connecting his noggin and is currently wearing a halo but should make a full recovery.
OMG, imagine if you could eat salt and vinegar potato chips all day long and not gain weight. Well loons, it seems scientists have discovered a grass downunder that tastes exactly like salt and vinegar chips. Kid you not. The spinifex type grass is currently been used by Queensland farms to manufacture the world’s strongest and thinnest condoms. Umm so guys why didn’t they notice, didn’t anyone lick their fingers….oh wait never mind. If only they could find grass that tastes like bacon I’d be so vegan.
Feet up Aussies, seems the early hot weather means male snakes are coming out of hibernation and mating sooner than expected. It’s on. Snakes will be on the prowl for a missus. They will be angry little reptiles ready to rumble with any other male snake they come across in their pursuit of a female. Pet owners have been urged to be a lot more vigilant as some of Australia’s most deadliest snakes will take no prisoners in their once a year mating ritual.
An Australia golden retriever wasn’t about to go anywhere when there were so many more trees to sniff…
Sure Australia has some mighty scary creatures…but none so scary as this narcissistic bird. The bush stone-curlew bird likes nothing better than staring at itself for hours.
Fake doctor!!! Of all things sacred a man in Australia has pretended to be a doctor, not for one year or two years, but 11 years. Evidently the man had been treating patients in Australian hospitals and emergency departments after having stolen a passport , medical qualifications and citizenship from a real doctor in India. Hmm, so much for our country’s checks and balances. The fake doc has since fled Australia and is nowhere to be found.
You know you are in Australia when people are asked to catch and donate deadly funnel web spiders to the Australian Reptile Park because they are low on venom antidote. Seems due to the amount of people being bitten this summer, stocks are low. So, let me get this straight, so many people have been bitten by these deadly spiders they have run low on anti venom they want more people to catch them. What could possibly go wrong?