Thought Up By A Man I Presume?

Oh bless, the Austrian Green Party are holding a special meeting for women. Yes they are. And guess what its about? They want to show women how to pee standing up so they can avoid sitting on dirty loos at music festivals and the likes. Hmm, seems to me this would create more of an unholy mess…. just saying.

Another Fine Mess

You gotta love Austrian ingenuity. When a police officer pulled over on the State highway to monitor traffic he set off a booby trap that covered him in manure. The officer tripped a fishing line attached to the bucket of poop that set off explosives that kaboomed him. The intended target was believed to be traffic cops who frequent the spot.  Shit happens.

Josef Fritzl is Single

Back on the market

Remember Josef Fritzl, the Austrian man who fathered seven children with his daughter after he  locked her up in a dungeon for 24 years and continually raped her ? Yeah, that creep. Well, he’s just divorced his wife Rosemarie because she never visited him in prison. Ewh, they were probably conjugal visits? Seems he has also been writing her letters to which she never replied. I’m guessing she is still rather peeved about his shenanigans.

For Whom The Bell Tolls

You’ll have to speak up

The hills will not longer be alive with the sound of cowbells in one Austrian village. Seems not everyone enjoys the clang, clang, clang, they make, especially during the night. A court has ordered a farmer to remove the “traditional” bells from his herd after a neighbor complained.

Psst Hmm, I’m guessing the cows are friggin pleased too!!!

 

 

Otto Titslinger, You Lying Bastard

Holy over the shoulder boulder holders, Batman. Seems Austrian archeologists have unearthed 4 pairs of 600 year old bras. The bras, which look surprisingly modern and  are decorated with lace, were found in an Austrian castle. Fashion experts are all aghast as they believed the brassiere was a modern invention. Hmm, are you sure they don’t belong to some wayward backpackers?

Musicians Decomposing

Seriously? A man in Vienna has allegedly broken into the graves of two famous composers, Johann Strauss Jr. and Johannes Brahms, and stolen their teeth . Austrian authorities have no idea why.

Marriage Doomed From The Start

You know what’s awkward? When you have just got married and are celebrating at the wedding reception when you spot a cute waitress and sneak off to the kitchen to have sex and your father-in-law walks in during the middle of it. Worse still, the irate in-law then stops the music and sends everyone home before breaking the news to his daughter. She in turn marches straight to the wedding registry office to demand a divorce, but is refused. That’s Austrian law for ya.

Psst When they finally divorced, the naughty groom married the waitress.

It’s Over, Pack Up Your Shell and Get The Hell Out …. NOW!!!!

She just doesn’t get me!

After 115 years together Bibi and Poldi are calling it quits. In fact they can’t stand the sight of each other and are now sharing separate beds. Zookeepers at an Austrian zoo don’t know what the hell happened between the two giant tortoises  but the romance is definitely over. Female Bibi has gone on a full offensive chomping off Poldi’s shell and launching surprise attacks forcing him to retreat into a neutral corner.

Hmm, I can tell you what happened, she got sick and tired of picking up after him and  having to continually put up with his same old slow, boring sex.

Fugging Isn’t As Funny

Oh no, say it ain’t so, the Austrian village of Fucking is voting for a name change. Seems they are sick and tired of being the butt of jokes. They are forever shooing off naked tourists who want to get snapped next to the town sign, which is surprising considering most of the signs have been stolen. The situation has become worse since some entrepreneurial locals have been selling Fucking Beer and Fucking Christmas cards. The town will vote on changing their name to Fugging.

Can You Smell Something?

Could work!

Yah for alternative medicine except when it involves rubbing piss all over yourself I say. Alfred Zoppelt has been fired after working for 23 years at the Belvedere museum in Vienna because he continually washes his hands and face with urine. Yeah, yeah, yeah  it is suppose to have friggin medicinal benefits but try telling that to the staff who have to work with him. For crying out loud he’s leaving a urine trail!

Psst A curious Loon wants to know if he is using his own wee?