3D Printed Guns Banned

Thank you John Howard for your forward thinking. Today NSW banned the possession of blueprints for 3D printed guns. This is the first and hopefully not the last to do so. The penalty for violating this law has been set at 14 years in prison.

Shhh, You’re In A Shopping Mall

The Dee Why Grand shopping mall in Sydney has just introduced a new policy for out-of-control snowflakes, be quiet or leave. Evidently there have been so many complaints about kids running amok they have been forced to introduce a crack down. The centre manager said “People deserve the quiet enjoyment of their cup of tea,”

Czech Republic Sobers Up

Well, partying in the Czech Republic just got a whole lot duller after the government banned the sale of hard alcohol and by hard, I mean anything with an alcohol content of over 20%. Sheez, my rumballs contain more than that! Anywho, the reason for this radical response is all thanks to a new craze of spiking drinks like rum and vodka with methanol. So far this popular craze has killed over 19 people.

Want sauce with that?

PJs Becoming A Menace To Society

OMG, a city in Louisiana is planning to ban …wait for it… people wearing pjs in public! Shreveport commissioner has had enough of people, especially men, walking around in pj pants, with their privates hanging out and all. One local resident , Khiry Tisdem said he had no probs walking around in his “Family Guy” Stewie pajama pants. Oh and just in case you were wondering , yes they have the “no sagging” (pants on the ground) law which has already netted them 31 violations.

Well That Ends Kim Jong Il’s Dance Lessons

How the hell can I star in Chorus Line now?

Oh for crying out loud Italy, why deny the second happiest country in the world tap shoes? Seems the Italians have blocked a ship carrying high quality tap shoes from China to North Korea. That’s a breach of United Nation’s ban on sale of luxury goods to the despot Pyongyang, right there!!!.

Tsunami Dog Reunited With Owner

OMG, grab your Kleenex again loons. Remember the pooch who survived living on a roof in the sea for 3 weeks after surviving the Japanese earthquake? Well, she’s been reunited with her owner. Ban, the two year old pooch, evidently barked and then leaped into the arms of her owner during the tearful reunion.

Seen But Not Heard …or Fed

Not on my watch snowflake!

Woohoo, at last a country who has it’s priorities right. Several Singapore restaurants are banning snowflakes from their eateries. The ” no children under 7 policy” signs are popping up everywhere and it seems the patrons are all for it. One happy customer at PS Cafe said “As much as I love children, I want to eat my meal in peace with no crying babies and kids running around the table,”

Psst Sheez, we had women take to the streets after a restaurant manager asked a woman to stop breast feeding at the table.

Porn Gone .Com

I guess it's Discovery channel then!

Nanny State are planning to block all internet porn. Yes, you heard me correctly ALL internet porn.  The only way people in the UK will be able to access porn will be via an opt in system (which no doubt will be monitored).Hmm, so what will the Pommes do for entertainment? Dear god,  they might have to go back to having real sex! Gord blimey. Let the censorship begin.

Friggin Mother-in-law Jokes

Oh dear, the Nanny State are at it again, this time mother-in law jokes are in the firing line. The London Borough of Barnet have banned staff from telling mother-in-law jokes because they are ‘offensively sexist’ and disrespectful to ‘family elders’. Hmm, yeah, so?

Papal Tour Request

Oh for the love of God, it use to be the Vatican’s greatest fear was that some psycho would jump out of the crowd and try to knife the Pope during his papal tour. Hmm, not anymore. No siree, their greatest fear now is those friggin vuvuzelas. The head of the Catholic Church in England and Wales is begging the public to leave the friggin things in South Africa and not blow them during his tour of Britain. Seems Pope Benedict is not a fan!