Old Dog Day Afternoon

Oh for crying out loud mister, why would you bother robbing a bank in Switzerland at 80? Seriously, just go home, put your feet up and leave it to the young and dumb. The masked geriatric made his getaway on foot but was soon apprehended. I feel I need to slap my forehead.

Victor/Victoria

It probably seemed like a good idea at the time. But just…. no. A female bank robber thought she could fool  everyone by drawing on a fake beard during a robbery. Hmm, guess she was wrong.

PSST Might come in handy where she is going though?

At Least It Won’t Be A Life Sentence

To get away from my wife, and you?

A Kansas dude decided that he would prefer to be in jail than be with his wife, so he robbed a bank. Job done. The disgruntled hubby, who had a fight with the missus, walked into a bank with a note stating it was a hold up. They handed him $3000 and he promptly went and sat down. He waited for security to take him into custody. No word on the wife, but I’m guessing she will be even more pissed.

Bank Robber Asked Nicely

Oh bless, a guy who posted photos and vids on Instagram while robbing a bank claims he technically wasn’t robbing the bank because he had asked nicely for the money. His note to the teller read “I Need $150,000 Bonds Right Now!! Please Police take 3 to 4 minutes to get here, I would appreciate if you Ring the alarm a minute after I am gone… make sure the money doesn’t blow up on my way out.” ….. Yeah, that’s kinda nice….. and he seems nice in the vid…

Orange is The New Stupid

Some dude told cops that the reason he attempted to rob a bank was to avoid going to jail. Seems he couldn’t afford to pay the court fees from his previous offences, which, yes Loons, were for prior robberies. Lord have mercy.

Crime Doesn’t Always Pay

OMG you fool, give it up. A guy spent the day robbing five different banks and ended up with $449. Bwahahaha of the five, three gave him zip, nada, nothing. Dude!!!! Could it be because he was wearing a Cincinnati Reds cap …just saying! Police are still on the look out for him.

Silly Bank Robber

Part B of any good bank robbery is the exit strategy. Using a garbage chute on the 21 floor is not one of them. A maintenence worker had to pull the trapped fool out of the trash compactor area of the basement after he robbed a bank and the fell ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 21 floors into garbage. Injuries? Oh, he had a few.

What’s the Odds

As you were

A man, who had just undergone chemotherapy, walked into a bank wearing a surgical mask and was suddenly surrounded by six police who told him to put his hands above his head.  They thought he was the  “Surgical Mask” bandit who had robbed two banks in the area. Whoopsie daisy. 

What the Frock!

There is much confusion over the gender of an Iowa bank robber , after the image of her/him wearing a slinkly lime dress was posted on a police Facebook site. Seems many believe she is infact a he and is simply wearing the “mullet dress” (short in front, long in back) as a disguise. Awkward for the robber either way.

You Suck

What’s the odds you get a friggin bitchy teller when attempting to rob a bank? Sheez. Some dude attempted to rob a New York bank by handing over a note to a teller which read “I have a bomb. Give me some money now”.  The teller responded with a curt, I don’t do notes, go fill out a withdrawal slip. The dumbass obliged, but wrote the same message on the slip. When he handed the slip back to the teller she told him to swipe his card, while  informing a colleague, in Spanish, they were being robbed. Meanwhile, the frustrated robber told her “Ma’am, I ain’t got no time for this,” and grabbed a fistful of lollipops before storming out. Hmm, maybe next time you should bring something that ticks?

Want sauce with that?