Tag Archives: Belgium

Mayor’s Undies Stolen

naked-manAttention the good people of Belgium, be on the look out for a pair of undies  autographed by the Brussels’ mayor, they have been nicked  from the Museum of Underpants. There is no actual details about size or colour but they were described as “briefs”. If the undies aren’t found the owner will request the mayor sign another pair.

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Filed under How Embarrassing, Well I Never

Best Diamond Heist EVER

Best diamond heist everSit back and listen wannabe diamond thieves, this is how you do it. Find 7 buddies, dress them in some dark clothes that resemble police uniforms, get two black cars with blue lights on top, cut a car size hole in a security fence at Brussels’ international airport, drive onto the tarmac , point  machine guns at pilots and security then proceed to remove the  $50 million worth of diamonds that is in the hold of a Swiss-bound plane about to take off,  then drive back through the hole in the fence. Ta-da.

Want sause with that?

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Filed under Friggin Awesome, Sore Loser, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never

Nearly Spitting Chips

We are having baked pota.....

You know what I hate? When you buy a bag of potatoes from a grocery store in Chiclana de la Frontera (Spain) and discover one of your spuds is a friggin World War II hand grenade. I really friggin hate that! The grenade was petrified and looked like a potato, just in case you were wondering. The spuds were havested from a field on the French/Belgium border, presumably an old  battlefield.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Whoops!

Belgium in Mourning

A crazed gunman lobbed grenades into a crowd of Christmas shoppers in Belgian killing 6 people and injuring 123. The gunman, believed to be career criminal, Nordine Amrani, was suppose to appear in court but instead began shooting at innocent shoppers in a crowded square in Liege. Witnesses say he was firing from  the roof of a bakery before throwing three live grenades. Amrani was found dead at the scene but police are yet to determine if he killed himself or whether one of his weapons exploded. King Albert II, Queen Paola and Belgium’s Prime Minister Elio Di Rupo rushed to the scene on hearing the news.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World

Exploding Clocks at IKEA

Talk about a big bang theory, someone  planted small explosives in several IKEA alarm clocks in Belgium, Netherlands and French stores AND they all went kaboom simultaneously. The booby trapped alarm clocks had small firework type devices inside them and they all went off during opening time, scaring the crap out of customers and staff.  Sheez, that would be right, they’d have to blow up the only friggin thing that you don’t have to friggin assemble!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

RIP Charles Haddon

The lead singer of the British band Ou Est Le Swimming Pool, Charles Haddon, is believed to have committed suicide following the band’s performance at the Pukkelpop festival in Belgium . Haddon allegedly climbed up telecommunication mast behind the main stage and jumped to the car park below. Meanwhile over in the US a man committed suicide in front of hundreds of music fans by jumping 6m from the roof of a stage while the band The Swell Season were playing.

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Filed under End Credit

If It’s Tuesday, This Must Be Ban A Burqa in Belgium!

Sheez, I better get to a hairdresser!!!

Well, well, well, Belgium has pipped France to the post by being the first country to ban the burqa. Yes sirree, a new bill has been written to ban the use of clothes or veils which cover the face and stop the wearer from being identified. Liberal Deputy Denis Ducarme said “We’re the first country to spring the locks that have made a good number of women slaves, and we hope to be followed by France, Switzerland, Italy, and the Netherlands; countries that think.” If ignored people face a fine or a jail sentence. Hey, don’t get your knickers in a knot , Iran and Saudi Arabia  have similar dress codes for westerners. Phew…the pressure is pretty much off the South Park dudes.

Psst And cue human rights organizations… can you hear the screeching Clarice?

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Filed under Friggin Awesome, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

A Case of The Giggles

Oh dear, how to end your career in one fatal interview…..

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Filed under How Embarrassing