Woman Claims She Raised A Bigfoot

Well alrighty then. A 70 year old lady from Louisiana claims she raised an abandoned bigfoot in 1964. The beast, which had a hairless face that “did not look like a human’s nor a monkey’s.” was found alone in a swamp . The woman took it home and fed it. When it was healthy she released him but he continued to visit her. She claims that one night when the bigfoot returned he bought a bigfoot friend with him. I think someone’s been sniffing the moonshine. Anywho,  the whole story is here .

Bigfoot Sighting in Utah

Oh for crying out loud people, one more time, this is not bigfoot, it’s a friggin wild turkey fanning out its feathers, you fools. Sheez!!!

Bigfoot Sighting Alert

Oh for crying out loud people, can someone get a decent friggin shot of Bigfoot, I’m sick of squinting!!! The latest footage was taken by a group of very inattentive hikers who only realized they had  been walking a few feet away from something really friggin creepy when they later downloaded it onto a computer. What do you think loons, Bigfoot or some redneck taking a shortcut home? Um, the footage was taken in Spokane, Washington, which could explain a lot!

Psst Skeptics claim the big slapping sound one of the hikers makes just before Bigfoot appears was intended to cue the “beast”.

Bigfoot Sighting Alert

Dude the art of fooling the public is to at least make your video of Bigfoot look real!  Thomas Byers, a North Carolina man, claims he filmed Bigfoot shuffling  across Golden Valley Church Road in Rutherford County on Wednesday night . Anywho, he managed to shoot a horrendously grainy, out of focus 5 sec grab of the illusive beast and post it on Youtube. He claims and I quote “One thing I know is the smell of it was horrid. It smelled like a cross between road kill and a skunk. And it did not like the fact that I was there on the road with it. In the video you can hear it snarl or growl at me as it crosses the road.” Come on loons what’s the verdict ….attention whore?

Sweet Toothed Sasquatch

How do you catch a Sasquatch? Well if you are Mike Greene, with a friggin candy bar. Greene is convinced he has captured a thermal image of Bigfoot in the Uwharrie National Forest (critic say it looks like a man in a Bigfoot costume). Oh and yes, of course the image is blurry, duh! Greene who has been hunting the mythical beast for some time says he was woken in the middle of the night by what he calls ‘Darth Vader’ breath. Lucky for him he had his thermal camera to capture a blurry image of the beast as it helped itself to a candy bar. Sheez, now I can sleep a little easier!

Wanna Go Looking For Yeren?

 

Idiots! With my GPS app, they'll never find me!

 

Oh for the love of things that go bump in the night, Chinese scientists are hoping to find sponsors with a shit load of money ($1.5 million) to fund an expedition to find Yeren. OK, you ignorant loons, Yeren is  China’s equivalent to Bigfoot. In the past few decades there have been over 400 sightings of this elusive creature who lives in a remote mountainous area of China. Yeren (aka Wild Man) is described as 6 ft 7 ” with a healthy coat of grey, red or black hair (hmm, could be any exiled basketball player). The Hubei Wild Man Research Association is also hoping to find brave and fearless volunteers from around the world to join in the search. Good luck with that!

Psst Have you ever thought, maybe Yeren doesn’t want to be found? Odds are if they do find the creature it will be shot and dissected before you could say bippity  boppity boo!

Cleveland Has a Bigfoot

OK Cleveland, no need to panic but you may have your very own version of Bigfoot on your hands, that or Hulk Hogan has been sighted! Tim Peeler swears he had a close encounter with a 10ft tall creature with a long beard, yellowish blond hair and six fingers on each hand roaming on his property. Peeler was minding his own bees wax when he began hearing strange screeching and grunting sounds outside his cabin and went to investigate. He told police the creature may have been menacing his dogs so he told the beast ‘You get away from here,’ and when he came back a second time he said “Get! Get!. And he went back down the path again,” Obediently little bugger! Anywho Cleveland, you might want to sleep with one eye open for awhile!!!!

Psst Rumors about the creature, known as the Ohio Grassman, have circulated for years.

Yeti Hair Belongs to a Goat!

OMG, lucky I was wearing my goat coat at the time LOL!

Friggin Yeti’s, Bigfoots, Storsjoes. Doesn’t the world have enough to worry about? I hate to break the news to the true believers but the yeti hair found in India actually belongs to a goat. Sorry! Scientists confirmed that the hair samples are in Himalayan Goral hair. The hair was handed over to the BBC by yeti/abominable snowman/mande barung fanatic, Dipu Marak. God knows how he got his hands on the hair, but it is believed to have come from dense jungle in Meghalaya (North East India). It was in this jungle that a forest ranger had the friggin shit scared out of him after spotting a 10ft , 300kg “forest man” (AKA as mande barung) roaming around. Rumor has it he bumped into the creature three days in a row! Initially, British scientists testing the hair for DNA, got really excited as the sample bore a “startling resemblance” to the suspected yeti hairs collected by Sir Edmund Hillary.But US scientists burst their bubble by declaring them goat’s hair! Damn that DNA.

Yeti Found

Ok, breaking news is, a group of documentary makers have discovered enormous footprints near a river in the Himalayas. The footprints are reportedly huge and they are pouring plaster of paris as we speak. Now, I am open to the possibilities that creatures such as the Loch Ness Monster, Nannup Tiger and drop bears could have miraculously avoided detection for years BUT when a film crew goes out to make a documentary on the Yeti and happens to come across footprints, you have to wonder …SET UP… I am just hoping if it is true and the Yeti is found, that they discover two of them, because it must be awfully lonely being hairy, ugly and enormous without a mate to empathize with.

UPDATE : Well, well, well, guess where Friggin Bigfoot has been hanging for all these years, Georgia! Seems a group have found a dead Bigfoot. I suggest they check for missing basketball players before they make such outlandish statements. So, the story so far is Bigfoot is in a box in an undisclosed location and will be revealed during a press conference on the 15th August (can’t wait). For all you girls out there, he is 7ft tall, red hair, 500lb and walks upright. Ok , skeptics to the right . My bet it is D.B. Cooper (Steve Fossett is too short)!