Tag Archives: bomb

Urban Terrorist Fail

You know what I hate? When you toddle off to plant a bomb and the damn thing blows up your face before you get to your destination. I really friggin hate that! Wannabe terrorist and self described anarchist Luciano Pitronello Schuffeneger from Chile now has no hands, no eyesight and third degree burns over his entire body after attempting to plant a bomb at a local bank. Police believe he may have accidentally set off the timer as he tried to get into the building. Hmmm, won’t be doing that again!

Psst There is video of the incident on Youtube but it’s far too disturbing to show.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, That's Gotta Hurt, Whoops!

Exploding Clocks at IKEA

Talk about a big bang theory, someone  planted small explosives in several IKEA alarm clocks in Belgium, Netherlands and French stores AND they all went kaboom simultaneously. The booby trapped alarm clocks had small firework type devices inside them and they all went off during opening time, scaring the crap out of customers and staff.  Sheez, that would be right, they’d have to blow up the only friggin thing that you don’t have to friggin assemble!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

Nearly Dropped a Load!

OMG, when white dust suddenly appeared in an Alaska Airline flight  lavatory  everybody panicked.  Hello, anthrax or a bomb people because every terrorist thinks “Alaska’ when plotting to kaboom something.  Enter fire department and hazardous materials experts who determined the substance was in fact…wait for it…toilet paper. Sheez, I bet all 151 passengers who were delayed were relieved!

Want sauce with that?

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Filed under I'm Just Saying !, Thanks For Nothing, Whoops!

Gloria Allred

Who the hell would attempt to blow up Gloria Allred? Hmm, now lets see, there’s …… Seems some clown sent a suspicious package addressed to  the mega lawyer but it turned out to be just a water bottle. Anywho, all I can say is you better run fool.

Psst Gloria Allred is an American lawyer who takes on high profile cases and is kinda scary. You might remember her as the lawyer of Joslyn James, the hard done by porn star lover of Tiger Woods.

Want sauce with that?

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Filed under Friggin Hilarious, Friggin Scary, Whoops!

Miss Moscow Airport Suicide Bomber

Word on the street is the Moscow suicide bomber was in fact a female. It is also being reported she shouted “I will kill you all” before exploding a bomb which had the power of 5kg of TNT in the baggage collection area of the airport . Determined bitch!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

Merry Friggin Christmas

A woman in the Philippines died instantly after her Christmas present exploded. Sheez, the damn pressie contained a friggin bomb. The poor thing was killed on the spot when it kaboomed right in her face as she opened it. Who would do something like that? The present was sent to the family home in Manila.

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Filed under End Credit, Friggin Scary, Well I Never

You’re Da Bomb!

Sheez, talk about going to extremes to rob a bank. Three men broke into the home of a bank teller, strapped a bomb onto him, then proceeded to the Coral Gables bank where the teller was forced to help steal an undisclosed amount of money. The suspects later fled in a red Ford Mustang leaving the teller to sweat in out with the explosive device.  Hurt Locker! Oh and if you were wondering, the bomb squad managed to remove the device without a kaboom!

Psst Hmm, an eyebrow raise. How did the suspects know where the teller lived?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never

The Where’s Waldo Bandit

Oh there he is!

There is probably nothing more embarrassing than been known as the   “Where’s Waldo” bandit . A man described as looking like Waldo waltzed into a bank in Tualatin carrying a small box. He demanded money and told staff that he had an explosive device. After Waldo fled, the bomb squad were called in and the streets were evacuated but all they found was an empty backpack and a discarded “Where’s Waldo” sweater. If you spot Waldo you know what to do!

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Filed under How Embarrassing, I'm Just Saying !, Well I Never, Whoops!

Fertilizer Fiend

If one of these faces looks familiar to you, you might want to contact the Canadian police. Seems this guy bought enough ammonium nitrate (aka fertilizer) to significantly kaboom things. The man, who bought the fertilizer on the 26th of May, made up some cock and bull story about buying it on behalf of  a local farmer.Hmm, seems not only is he a potential terrorist but a liar too. It is thought the guy bought about 65 bags, each containing 25kg of potentially explosive shit (about $2,000 worth). Hmm, might come in handy for the up and coming G8 and G20 summit …I’m just saying. Anywho, the man is described as being a middle aged European, short, fat, slight limp, unkempt hair, irregular teeth and missing fingers on his right hand. WTF, who would sell fertilizer to a man looking like that and not demand ID …sheez! He was last seen making his getaway in a maroon minivan.

The three tenors?

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, I'm Just Saying !, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never

Stick Them Up I Have A Remote!

Oh well, back to the drawing board!

Nice one Edward Callahan. Callahan, a New York homeless guy, decided to try his luck robbing a bank with an old TV remote control. Damn thing nearly worked too, especially after he told the teller  it was hooked up to a bomb. Everybody panic. Terrified employees of the Chase Bank went scurrying up to the roof fearing a kaboom, while a trembling Callahan got his bag of money. Doh, unfortunately poor old Callahan only got a short distance out of the bank before having a seizure. Oh well, on the bright side, he won’t be homeless anymore!

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Filed under Thanks For Nothing, They Live Among Us !, Well I Never, Whoops!