Tag Archives: Brazil

Planet of the Capuchin Monkeys

monkey 4Scientists clock monkeys banging rocks together and suddenly we are staring into the monkey-apocalypse. Yep, the Brazilian Capuchin monkeys have been spotted  sharpening rocks to open fruit. Sleep with one eye open loons, we may be over run by spearhead wielding chimps in the future.

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Filed under Friggin Wildlife

We Have Your Mother-inLaw

Formula One chief Bernie Ecclestone has an enormous problem. Seems his mother-in-law has been kidnapped in Brazil. Aparecida Schunck is the 67 year old mother of the 85 year old’s third wife. The Brazilian kidnappers are demanding $49 million for her safe return. OK, she isn’t Lindburgh’s baby but what a situation for Bernie.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World

Burglars Foil Themselves

Oh bless, a pair of Brazilian burglars had an ingenious plan to avoid setting off security alarms during a bank robbery. They wrapped themselves from head to toe in aluminium foil. Hmm, well apparently they were right, they were successful in not setting off the alarms but not so in voiding being filmed by a manned security camera. Cops arrived before they could even crack a safe. They would have made a noisy exit running in foil suits. So many levels of awks.

alfoil 2

alfoil

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Filed under Friggin Hilarious, Well I Never, Whoops!

Toddler 1, Deadly Snake 0

snake6In a twist of irony and pure luck a 1 year old Brazilian snowflake has saved himself by chomping on the head of a venomous snake. The little snake charmer was discovered with blood all over his face and hands with the dead pit viper still clenched in his jaws. While the snake had been killed at its own game, the father had quite a job getting his son to let go of his prey.

PSST There is some debate as to whether the snake was really a pit viper or simply a non-venomous water snake. I’m going with viper because otherwise the story is simply gross and disgusting.

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Filed under Friggin Scary, Friggin Wildlife

Chasing Their Tails

When 800 cut cat and dog tails appeared around a Brazilian town, it wasn’t surprising everyone dashed off to check their pets but apparently no animals have been reported missing. The dog and cat tails have been appearing all over the town and has left authorities baffled. The markings, where the tails have been cut, indicate a machine was used to cut off them off. Town folk are worried someone maybe passing off dead cat and dog as food  in the stalls set up during their major festival.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World

Kid Creates His Own Horror

Teen inspired by Amityville horror kills his entire familyA teen said to be fixated on the Amityville Horror story (and being a hitmen) has killed his entire family. Yep, the 13 year old Brazilian kid Marcelo Pesseghini  shot dead his mother, father, grandmother and great aunt  before toddling off to school for the day. When he returned home he shot himself too.

Psst I read the Amityville books when I was a teen and still have a fear of waking up at 3.15am 😯

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, You Go Girl!

While You Were Sleeping

cow falls through roof kills manYou know what I hate? When you are fast asleep and an 11 and a half ton cow falls through your roof and kills you. I really friggin hate that. The cow had wandered down a hill and onto the roof which then gave way and landed on the man (narrowly missing his wife). Unfortunately, he died from internal injuries while waiting for treatment at the local hospital.

Psst Brazil

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Wildlife, Whoops!

Raining Spiders In Brazil

Holy arachnophobia, Spiderman. Seems a bunch of social spiders formed a sheet web and scared the living beejeezus out of local residents in Brazil. Thank goodness they weren’t venomous . Who am I kidding ……RUN!!!!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary, Friggin Wildlife

Divine Semen of the Holy Spirit

Pastor believed he had divine semenAnd the worst reasoning ever by a Brazilian pastor for the raping of women in his congregation ….his penis had been consecrated with “divine semen of the Holy Spirit.” Oh dear delusional soul. He told the women that God would come into their lives through their mouth or more specifically, when he ejaculated into their mouth during oral sex. Lord have mercy. He told police that he had encountered Jesus in a brothel and Jesus had given him the thumbs up to spread his sacred semen. He also said “I hope to continue my wonderful job within the prison”. Guess he’s gonna be one popular pastor. Bless.

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Well I Never

Shawcat Redemption

Cat used as prison muleWhen a Brazilian prison guard noticed something weird about a white cat entering a prison gate,  he wandered over to inspect it closer and  discovered little kitty was being used as a friggin mule for the inmates. Yep, strapped to the feline’s  body were drills, small sawa, batteries, a memory card and a phone charger. No word on if the feline felon will be charged .

Want sauce with that?

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Filed under Friggin Hilarious, Friggin Wildlife