Pure Gold

This is no way to get through life son. An ex Royal Canadian Mint employee will be spending 30 months in prison after he went to all the effort of shoving 22 pieces of their refined gold up his butt to sell on the market. Despite dodging security cameras he was eventually caught and now will have the awkward prob of telling inmates what he’s in for.

Patience is not always a virtue

Cops in Britain waited over three weeks for a guy to poop out the 44 bags of crack and heroin that he had placed up his butt. The drug dealer, who originally refused to eat , was eventually taken to hospital to have them retrieved by a doctor. Days up butt= 23 days, Street value = $2,000, Street cred = 0.

Psst: The dude got 23 months.

Bringing Up The Rear

Oh dear, Blake Shinn had an awkward wardrobe malfunction at Canterbury Racecourse

Ouch!

Look away if you are squirmish …

I Swear They Are Interchangeable

Safe Keeping

Ah, that’s a relief

Seems some crims in the US are using their butts as the hiding place of choice for stolen goods. Take the drunk fool from Pennsylvania who crashed his car and was taken to hospital for x-rays. The doctors found a bag of synthetic marijuana, a socket for a wrench, four bracelets, four necklaces, and 11 ladies rings lodged up his bum. Seems he had been out robbing houses before his kaboom.

Wide Receiver Indeed

Sheez, you played football for Cincinnati Bengals for 10 seasons, that’s $35.5 Million. You slap your lawyer on the butt during a probation violation hearing that’s 30 days jail. Priceless. Silly, silly Chad Johnson he was sooooo close to getting a good deal by the judge … then he goes and slaps his lawyer’s toosh. The female judge, who was not amused, took the deal immediately off the table and gave him jail time instead.

Student Impaled On Bike Seat

Look away bike riders this might make you wince. A Chinese student, who was merrily riding along to school, accidentally fell … but here’s where it all went terribly wrong…. when he fell the seat bent back and a steel rod under the seat went straight up his butt. Onlookers were horrified as the rod was unable to be dislodged. Enter firefighters who had to use the jaws of life to cut away the main part of the bicycle from his rear end so he could fit in the ambulance. Doctors were eventually able to remove the seat from his rectum but said “It damn near killed him!”

The Lengths They Will Go

Sure, but can you wait here while I remove it?

Seriously dude, is shoving 100 bags of heroin up your butt really worth it? A New Jersey gang member was found to be concealing the drugs after being arrested for outstanding traffic warrants. The heroin had a street value of only $1,000. I pity the fool who would have got one of those bags!!!!

Psst Why don’t they friggin duct tape it under the car…. sheez

When Implants Fail

Egads, this should be a warning to anyone considering a butt implant ….