Tag Archives: candy

You Suck

Bank robber flees with only lollipopsWhat’s the odds you get a friggin bitchy teller when attempting to rob a bank? Sheez. Some dude attempted to rob a New York bank by handing over a note to a teller which read “I have a bomb. Give me some money now”.  The teller responded with a curt, I don’t do notes, go fill out a withdrawal slip. The dumbass obliged, but wrote the same message on the slip. When he handed the slip back to the teller she told him to swipe his card, while  informing a colleague, in Spanish, they were being robbed. Meanwhile, the frustrated robber told her “Ma’am, I ain’t got no time for this,” and grabbed a fistful of lollipops before storming out. Hmm, maybe next time you should bring something that ticks?

Want sauce with that?

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Filed under Friggin Dumbass, Sore Loser, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never, Whoops!

Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Bandit Caught

At ease everyone the  “Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup” bandit has finally been caught. The elusive sweet tooth had been raiding convenience stores around Ohio for the past 6 months grabbing an estimated $600 worth of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup candies. The 17 year old thief, who was nabbed by police, has been handed over to juvenile authorities but I think he should be handed over to Hersey for some promotional work.

Psst Friggin Ohio Home of Bearman

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Filed under Friggin Ohio Home of Bearman

There Is No Way I Would Eat That!!!!

OMG. What the hell is that?  That better not be squid or a tongue!!!!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Gross

Bit Presumptuous

You know what I hate? When a 12 year old girl buys a bag of kids Valentine’s Day candy and one of the heart shaped pieces has “nice tits” printed on it. I really friggin hate that. Hmm, OK, no, not really I think it’s friggin funny but not so the girl’s parents. Ciara Bush bought the candy at a discount store in California.

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Filed under Friggin Hilarious, I'm Just Saying !, Whoops!

Don’t Take Candy From Strangers

OK, here’s the thing wannabe drug dealer, don’t be selling candy instead of the prescription painkiller, Roxicet, to clients, they known the friggin difference! Rebecca Martin is alleged to have wrapped two pieces of blue candy up in plastic and then sold it to John Bartolomei and an unidentified female minor. It wasn’t long before Bartolomei thought, WTF this is friggin candy, and reached into the car in an attempt to get his money back. In the meantime the young girl jumped on the hood.You can pretty much guess the rest, Martin took off with the two hanging from the car. Eventually Bartolomei flew off and was struck by another car while the girl continued to cling on for dear life. It was only after Martin hit a mailbox did she stop and run off. Bartolomei was later pronounced dead. Hmm, so that’s vehicular homicide and drug distribution charges right there!

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Filed under End Credit, Thanks For Nothing, Well I Never, Whoops!

Daddy Daycare

Hopefully she will sleep it off!

Oh look, she's sleeping....or overdosing!

OK here’s the thing drug dealer, don’t be telling your 4 year old that the cocaine that you hid in his pocket is candy or he will hand it out to his mates at school, trust me! Shaheed Wright was pretty sure the cops were onto him, so as a precaution he hid bags of cocaine in his son’s jacket. When his son toddled off to daycare he gleefully handed out the bags of white powder to his friends telling them it was candy.Whoopsie daisy. One girl ate hers. She was rushed to hospital. Mr Wright is now facing a string of charges and some major whip-assing from his son’s mom!

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Filed under All That Is Wrong With The World, Friggin Scary, Friggin Wrong, Whoops!

Porn Posing Fruit!

Far too sexy for a children's chewOK loons, what do you think, too sexy for a chew? A father has complained about  Haribo’s MAOAM sour candy, believing the wrappers are far too seductive for a children’s confectionery! Simon Simpkins describes the illustrations on the wrappers as “porno” poses and definitely not suitable for his children.

Psst How many children do you know who study the image on the packaging?

Juicing the lemon?

Juicing the lemon?

The kids I know are  far too busy getting the sweet into their mouths before their parents say “no more before dinner!”.

10 Comments

Filed under Friggin Hilarious, Friggin Nanny State, Well I Never