Stupid Is As Stupid Does

OMG, a pair of bungling burglars who cut themselves on broken glass while ransacking a gym came up with an ingenious idea . After having wrecked the place they returned a short time later with white paint to cover over their blood. Hmm, a nice shade of pink. But anywho, the fools had no idea their antics were being recorded on CCTV footage.

Psst Welsh

This Is Not What You Want

Horrifying footage of the high speed train that crashed in Spain makes flying look safe….

Holy Spirits

A nun has been caught on CCTV stealing beer. Hmm, now that’s a bad habit.  Dear god, where did she put the beer, it must be cold?

Warning To Slow Moving Cyclists

It seems when it comes to slow moving men on push bikes on  small country lanes, Gloucestershire women in Lycra have very little tolerance, especially when stuck behind them in their cars. The fact that she was able to jog up to the fool and lay in to him, indicates he was going at a snail’s pace and probably deserved a little tongue whipping. Unfortunately the Gloucestershire police don’t seem to see it the same way and are wanting the pair to come forward. I’m guessing the kung fu kicking and slapping went a little too far!

Didn’t Think It Through

Please take note loons, when robbing a pub don’t leave the girlfriends sitting in the getaway car right in front of the security cameras. I’m just saying.

Ghost or Hoax?

Is this a ghost from an old Victorian Orphanage forced to walk the hallways of a phone shop or someone trying to scare the boo out of us?

Sneaky!

OK ladies,  those ThighMasters must really work. An Asian woman waltzed into a Doncaster shop in South Yorks and waddled out with a safe between her legs in a daring robbery. The CCTV shows 5 gang members distracting the staff while the woman enters a restricted area of the shop, changes out of her pants into a skirt and places the safe between her legs before struggling to walk out. The safe contained £30,000 in cash and gold jewelry.

Want sauce with that?

And The Lesson Today

Move over Peter Sutcliffe we have a new serial killer in town. OMG, a British academic, who is believed to have a PhD in psychology and who is currently studying serial killers (in particular Jack The Ripper) is being held under suspicion of murdering three (and maybe up to 6) prostitutes. Nice one, hiding under the cloak of Academia. Stephen Griffiths (40) was arrested after a caretaker discovered horrific, and I mean horrific, CCTV footage of a woman being shot in the head with a crossbow. The victim, Suzannes Blamires, can be seen being chased down a corridor outside Mr Griffiths’ flat, bashed unconscious and moments later shot in the head with a crossbow bolt before being dragged away .Urgh, later footage shows a man, believed to be the university researcher, taking bin bags out of his flat. Oh dear and it just gets worse, police suspect Ms Blamires was dismembered with a samurai sword and some of her body parts eaten. Sheez, search his place I bet they find a DVD of Silence of the Lambs! Confirming fears, Police found body parts floating in River Aire, believed to be those of Ms Blamires,  on Tuesday. Shees, neighbors,  who called Mr Giffiths “weirdo”,  are probably counting their lucky stars he never overheard them!

Psst I wasn’t kidding the murders happened in Bradford, the Yorkshire Ripper, Peter Sutcliffe’s old stomping grounds.

2nd psst He also had a MySpace page under Ven Pariah which has now been removed!

Serial Butt Sniffer On The Loose

It better not be one of the Madhatters, I swear! Some dude in Plymouth, Devon has been caught on CCTV sniffing the bums of the Co-op workers. The man can be seen creeping up on several unsuspecting shelf stackers, kneeling down and then taking a big old whiff. Police are treating it as sexual assault.  Wanna see him in action?

Marmite Bandit

For over a month the Shell Garage in Kingsthorpe, Northants has seen all of its jars of Marmite vanish from the shelves. Don’t look at me I hate the stuff! The shop has been forced to stop stocking the spread until the thief is caught. So far 18 jars have vanished. Despite the culprit being caught on CCTV camera the jars continue to vanish. In one raid he stole all but 2 jars but the next day he came back and took those too! No one has a clue what he is doing with the condiment but some have suggested he might be using it to hide drugs because it would hide the smell of friggin anything! So if you happened to know anyone with a shit load of jars in their cupboard you might want to give the police a buzz or not!